CCNSolutions: Self-Esteem! Key to Success?Page 1
CCN WEEKLY SOLUTIONS SERIES
THE WEEK OF DECEMBER 15, 2008
Self-Esteem!
The Key to Success?
Featuring
Dr. Henry Cloud
Psychologist
Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series,
Author, The Secret Things of God
and The One-Life Solution
I. Why bolster people’s self-esteem?
People were feeling bad about themselves, but self-esteem itself is a problem
The greatest performers in human history: Adam and Eve
- There weren’t interruptions in performance by the Fall
- They were ignorant of the issue that causes self-esteem:
The knowledge of good and evil
God gives incredible delegation and freedom
“Don’t worry about your success: just go be yourself”
When people aren’t concerned about failure or success, they live out who they are
“It’s okay if you make a mistake”
The anxiety curve: pass/fail isn’t a good thing
The problem of shame and guilt: a thread throughout the human race
Covering up: “trying to appear good” without solving the underneath problem
The systemic problem: evaluating ourselves in order to feel better
II. Competency
Competency is related to performance
The problem: Thinking of ourselves as good aims at a symptom, not a root
From a love-based way of being to a performance-based way
Competent: Able to do something
It’s not self-esteem that causes competency: competency causes self-esteem
Feeling better isn’t the goal but the byproduct
The Bible affirms this
The goal: To grow in competencies: 2 Peter 1:5-8, Proverbs
Narcissistic people are the ones with the troubled lives
Competency’s two tracks: Relationships and performance
Focus on getting better
Getting into the task: full engagement
Do something bigger than you thought you could, and you’ll grow
III. Self-image or self-concept
We operate according to a picture of ourselves
- Am I able to do what I’m supposed to do?
- Am I loved if I’m not able to do this?
Wrong: A sense of entitlement that’s not true
Romans 12’s accurate appraisal
Feedback: The biggest problem
People who see themselves as “all good” feel persecuted when they are evaluated
We need a self-concept that can withstand feedback so we can get better
It’s the only way we can become all we are supposed to be
The wise person loves correction
This includes strengths and weaknesses
Where do competency and self-image come from? Relationship/Love
Kids who do well have a parent or coach that is for them
The baseline: Abiding in God and each other
Accepting one another as God accepts us
To get better, get where you don’t have to get better to be loved
Small Group Discussion Questions
Unfaithfully Yours!
1. How can you be a better steward of your connection?
2. What is one thing you can change this week to ensure that your relationship is getting the best of your time and energy?
3. What is one dream of yours that you would like championed in your relationship? What is a dream that you think your spouse or partner would like championed?
4. What can you do this week to increase your accountability outside of your relationship?
Next week on Solutions:
“Positively Aggressive”
Resources
The One-Life Solution
by Dr. Henry Cloud
Solutions Leaders
Sponsored In Part By:
New Life Ministries is a fully-equipped resource for the treatment of mental and spiritual health issues.
Contact Information
Visit CCN on the web at
CCNSolutions: Self-Esteem! Key to Success?Page 1
Dr. Henry Cloud
Cloud-Townsend Resources
18092 Sky Park South, Suite A
Irvine, CA 92614
Phone: 800-676-4673
Web:
Church Communication Network
PO Box 1718
Mountain View, CA 94042
Phone: 800-321-6781
Fax: 650-745-0660
Email:
Web:
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