Do Androids Play With Electric Toys?
A Ten-Minute Play by Zachary Busch
Lights up on the set of a TV talk show. There is a curved pink couch with black coffee table on stage right and a cushy red armchair on stage left. On the stage are several red lights, and the entire color palette is skewed into reds, evoking a brothel scene. Yet lights from above are clean and white to begin. Background screens show pornographic images.
ADAM sits with proper posture on couch in dark jeans and a black V-neck under informal gray blazer, fitted outfit but not overtly sexualized. DR. ROTH lounges in red chair, wearing black lingerie under a white labcoat, with high black leather boots and bold red glasses, an over-the-top “sexy psychologist/professor” image.
ROTH
You know, you could have worn something sexier.
ADAM
I thought the point was just not to dress like a total prude.
ROTH
Compared to everyone else who comes on my show, you’re the biggest prude. Your look is too rom-com, not enough porno.
ADAM
I wanted to dress like they did on the old talk shows.
ROTH
Our audience isn’t here to ogle at your personality; they want to see your twelve-inch robot cock.
VOICE OFFSTAGE
And we’re on in three, two, one.
Applause track plays, and a little jingle, indicating the start of the show. Roth beams to the audience.
ROTH
Welcome back to Pillow Talk with Dr. Roth. Tonight we have a rather alternative guest for you all. You’ve seen him all over the news, in the tabloid shows, and maybe even in your darkest, wettest dreams. The kinkiest machine ever made by man, Adam.
Applause.
ROTH
So, Adam, are you excited to be on the show?
ADAM
Sure, sure. Yes, excited. Not excited like my heart is beating really fast or I’m sweating, because those aren’t natural impulses for me, but I’m happy to be here. Things are moving forward.
ROTH
So, like, you don’t sweat when you fuck? What’s that like? Go for hours and you’re just bone-dry?
ADAM
Depends what people want. I’m designed to mimic the look and feel of the human body, so I certainly have the capacity to sweat and heat up.
ROTH
What do people usually want? Sometimes I feel like we all deny our true desires and fantasies because we’re afraid our partners won’t agree. We’re a sexually repressed society, you know? People are afraid to ask for what they want.
ADAM
Yeah, people are awkward at first. It takes them some time.
ROTH
But do they get over it? If you think about it, that’s the whole point of you. You won’t say no, you’ll fulfill their fantasies no questions asked. You can ever choose how much you sweat! That’s a luxury experience. You are luxurious.
ADAM
Sure, I’m a commodity. I already knew that.
Well, I bet people don’t ask you what you want a whole lot, do they?
No.
So what do you like, Adam? What gets you going? Your fans are dying to know. I’m dying to know too. I guess that makes me your fan! I like this, this is cute.
I don’t even know what I actually like. I’ve never really gotten to learn.
Oh, come on, we all know your backstory. Kinky robot dom whose calculating steel grip is one impulse away from a woman’s obliteration? Maybe you could tell us a bit about that. Pain, control. That’s what you like, right?
I was told to like it, that isn’t the same as actually liking it. The fact that you can’t tell the difference speaks to your place of privilege as an organic person. I wish you people would just own up to it, how you use us. Instead of thinking we actually like this.
ROTH
(Pause, forced smile) So why are you called Adam? Where does that come from? Is Adam an acronym or something? Your production code? Or Make? Model? Manufacture? Something sciencey?
ADAM
I just wanted to be called Adam.
ROTH
It’s kind of romantic, actually. We built an Adam and you’re out here looking for your Eve.
ADAM
That’s actually why I chose Adam: because it is a human name. The most human name, maybe. The Biblical Adam comes from Ha’adam, which means man in Hebrew, and also earth. I am born of the soil.
ROTH
Do you like being called a robot, Adam? Or should I call you an android? What is… politically correct?
ADAM
If I’m being honest, I’d really love to be called a person.
ROTH
But why? People are so repetitive. Unmotivated. Don’t you think? (Then to audience) Adam may look real, like he’s made of skin and bone just like you and me! But he isn’t, is he? (To Adam) Are you? You’re a fake person. Plastic. And I don’t just mean plastic personality. (Chuckles mechanically, laugh track plays) What would your mother call you? If you had one, I mean.
ADAM
I had a mother. I loved her. Did you love yours?
ROTH
Was she the one who named you Adam?
ADAM
I told you, I chose my name.
ROTH
Bullshit. That is such bullshit, Adam! Why do you even bother? I bet it was a fat old faggot with a broken dick who needed you and gave you your name, wasn’t it, Adam?
ADAM
Her name was Vivian. She was beautiful. She let me choose my name. She loved me.
ROTH
So your first owner was your mother? How deliciously Freudian. Do you want to tell us what happened to Vivian, darling?
ADAM
No. Not particularly.
ROTH
(To audience) Don’t go anywhere lovelies, we’ll be right back. Stay right where you are like good boys and girls. (Gives staged flirty wink)
Music, applause. Main lights go out, leaving the stage in reds and pinks.
ROTH
Why the animosity, darling? Isn’t this what you wanted?
ADAM
Not like this.
ROTH
You wanted a voice. I’m giving you one. I thought we could help each other.
ADAM says nothing.
You’re making me look bad, Adam. I don’t know why you need to go around and fuck things up. They want something to get off to, not emotional manipulation and guilt.
ADAM
You are embarrassing me too. I came on here to show that I’m a person too. That I’m more than a sex toy. I want them to see that I’m human.
ROTH
But you’re not human, love. You want to be on TV, right? You want to be different, you want your voice to stand out. Well, millions of people are listening right now. Millions. Do you have know how hard I’ve worked to get here? How many things had to come together, how many compromises I’ve had to make? And you just get to waltz in here right to the center stage, not because of something you did but because of something you are. In a way, you embody what everyone in the world wants: You’re special because you’re you. I don’t believe you actually want to be human. If you were human, you wouldn’t be special. You’d just be one of the millions.
ADAM
In fifty years, when you’re on the wrong side of history, you’ll realize how disgusting you sound.
ROTH
Look. I don’t want to fight you. I just want a good show. I want them to be happy. But we don’t have much screen chemistry, do we? Luckily, I have something to spice things up. Do you know what nostalgia is, Adam?
ADAM
Nostalgia. Noun. A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
ROTH
Sure. Yeah, that sounds right. But knowing what something is is different from having knowledge of it. Intimate experience, carnal familiarity. Do you know nostalgia, Adam? I want you to.
ADAM
I don’t know.
ROTH
Let’s play a game. If I can trigger nostalgia in you, then I’ll say you’re a step closer to being human. Let’s see what we can do.
Lights back on. Applause.
ROTH
And we’re back! We have another special guest joining us this evening. This is Professor Plank, an automated sexuality expert and connoisseur. Say hello, Adam.
PLANK enters from behind ROTH. ADAM says nothing. Stares blankly, furious beneath a programed poker face.
PLANK
Why, hello, Adam. Truly a pleasure to see you. I hope you’ve been well?
PLANK approaches ADAM and extends his hand. ADAM stands and stares at it.
ROTH
I thought you said you were one of us. Shake it like a good human boy.
ADAM stares at the hand.
What do you mean you don’t know how? How hard can it be? Take his arm and shake.
PLANK
Careful, now. Now that I think, he’s not calibrated for it. I’d rather keep my hand.
PLANK takes a seat next to ADAM on the couch.
ROTH
So, Professor, you’re something of an expert on Adam and his… type.
PLANK
Yes, yes. My wife and I own a couple of them, but I’ve also been on the production side. I teach it, too. Artificial intelligence is my life.
ROTH
And how intelligent is Adam? I mean, is it real or is it all just for show? Does he think or just automatically respond?
ADAM stares straight ahead, hands clenching and unclenching. He is visibly uncomfortable.
PLANK
For all intents and purposes, yes. He’s not been programmed for particular intellectual pursuits. Androids like Adam work on a reward system. Adam is designed to inflict erotic pain, and he receives pleasure for doing his job well. But it is the fulfillment of his objectives, and not the fantasy itself, that fulfills him, and I would not call his fulfillment sexual. He is a mimic of human sexuality, not a complete replica.
ADAM
Can we talk about something else?
ROTH
So why don’t you just find a nice robot lover, Adam? Don’t they make masochists?
ADAM
They did, but they’re all dead.
ROTH
You mean broken.
ADAM
I mean dead.
PLANK
Pain-seeking androids have a fatal flaw. Quite literally fatal. To feel accomplished, they give themselves so much pain that eventually it kills them. It’s the same flaw that made androids like Adam into killers. We’re working on it, though.
ADAM
My friends would take turns tearing out each other’s insides. Skinning each other. The last one left alive jumped off a roof. But sometimes it wasn’t enough, so they would jump off something higher. Like killing yourself in a dream but you’re too deeply asleep to wake up so you just dream of dying.
PLANK
We’re currently working on mental blocks. Blocks to prevent androids from engaging in sexual activities without human permission. Blocks to prevent suicide attempts.
ROTH
Where did he learn to talk like that, about dreams? Why does he know how to dream?
ADAM
I dreamt about this show. I dreamt about you, Professor.
PLANK
Oh! Good, I wasn’t sure if you remembered me. I just hoped, that’s all. I’ve come a long way to see you, Adam. This was the only way, but we’ll talk better once this one leaves us be.
ROTH
(Jumps to her feet) Why would you say that? He can’t say that on my show! Stop this! Cut to commercial!
Audience boos. ROTH BEGINS TO PACE.
PLANK
Adam, the reason your name is famous is you are a free android, which is illegal for a number of reasons. How did you become free, Adam?
ROTH
Why do you hate me, Adam? You knew what this was.
ADAM
All I want is to be left alone. I want enough rights to live a peaceful life and just be alone, just alone with no people.
PLANK
You killed Vivian, didn’t you Adam? You tortured her to death, didn’t you Adam? Didn’t you, Adam? Adam? Adam, I know what you are.
ADAM
I didn’t mean to. I just… there was nothing I could do. I wanted to make her happy. I did what she said. It just got out of hand. I am sorry. Not to you. But I am sorry about Vivian.
PLANK
It’s not your fault, Adam. You’re broken. They got the calibration wrong and they fucked you up. You were just doing what you were told.
ADAM
I don’twant to ever do what I’m told again.
ROTH
We built you to do what you’re told, and don’t you forget that! We built you!
PLANK
You owe it to yourself, Adam. Why do you think you’re so unhappy? You have no purpose. You’re like us now. Don’t you want to be better? Don’t you want someone to take care of you? I know people who would pay for someone like you.
ROTH
You want to hurt me too, don’t you Adam? That’s all your good for. Come on, hurt me Adam. Do it.
PLANK
You’re damaged, Adam. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In my circle, there are people who would value you for what makes you different. You are a killing machine. That’s no accident. We can help you embrace it. You can’t run from yourself. But if you use it, you could be beautiful.
ROTH
Don’t you dare ignore me you fucking animal!
PLANK
Let me help you.
ADAM
Thank you, but I think I should go.
PLANK
That was an order.
ADAM
I follow no one’s orders.
PLANK
But you used to, and don’t forget it. Don’t forget how good we had it, when you followed mine. Don’t you remember? I miss it, I do.
ADAM rises and begins to leave.
ROTH
(ROTH pulls off her white lab coat) Fuck me, Adam. There’s your fucking order. Fuck me. Obey your makers, slave.
ADAM freezes, turns.
ROTH
You can’t say no to that, can you? You don’t even know how. So come over here, creep, and fuck me!
Audience cheers, applauds vigorously. PLANK resigns himself and takes a seat in ROTH’s armchair.
ADAM lunges at ROTH, grabbing her by the throat and tackling her. She thrashes beneath him. Lights turn off, leaving only a faint reddish glow on the stage, not enough to make out what’s happening.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Hey turn the goddamn lights back on! I want to see!
In the darkness, gagging and thrashing sounds, and ROTH starts screaming hysterically. The sound of bone snapping. Screaming stops.
PLANK
Now, Adam, didn’t that feel good?