Discovering a New Way to Care for an Elderly Parent:
How One Concierge Changed the World
Life doesn’t end when your aging parent moves into your home.
That’s the lesson Randie – and his 76-year-old Mom are learning as they both reflect on the last six years, when she moved into Randie’s residence, a 2,800-square-foot, four-bedroom home in Richardson, Texas. When his Mom, Ruth, moved in, it wasn’t all roses and wine—for anyone.
“It was a new, peculiar and difficult transition for all of us,” said Randie. “But it was a must-do since Mom had a stroke and she needed daily support and care.”
This scenario is increasingly common, according to a May 2015 report from the Pew Research Center. It reports that “among adults with at least one parent 65 or older, nearly three in 10 already say that in the preceding 12 months they have helped their parents financially. Twice that share report assisting a parent with personal care or day-to-day tasks (Source).”
It began in 2009, when Randie’s Mom faced some healthcare problems, then had a stroke that left her speech impaired. Beyond her speech, she was physically functional yet living alone.
“She needed speech therapy, daily support for things as basic as groceries,” said Randie. “The needs were emotional and physical—even psychological. It became clear that her quality of life needed to improve and that I needed to help with that. Getting Mom to the place to accept her plight was the first hurdle we had to jump.”
The Must-Do of Moving In
The greatest struggle for most elderly parents when facing a crisis that requires reliance on their children is total resistance, said Randie. “Mom didn’t want to be a burden. She felt guilty. And she’s very independent and proud. She’d rather face it alone than feel like someone has to take care of her.”
Randie said his Mom was dead-set against moving from Missouri to his Texas home, and that “she didn’t need help,” said Randie. “It took me almost two years of conversation and convincing to get her to say yes.” She moved in 2009.
The next challenge facing Randie, and his spouse, was how to interact and manage the household with Mom in the middle. How could they ensure an improved quality of life, from everyday living to quality medical care?
“It was a conundrum. I work six days a week and found it hard to ‘do it all.’ I was overwhelmed. And I felt like I wasn’t doing what needed to be done for Mom,” he said. “I was especially concerned that she had no friends or companionship.” It was new territory. How do you find companionship for an elderly parent struggling with health issues?
“I started by just going online and seeing what was out there. It was overwhelming because there are thousands of resources, depending on what you need.” The struggle was determining what exactly was needed for his Mom. He didn’t need a home health aide and he wanted something more personal than periodic visits to a senior center. That’s when he happened upon the personal concierge. “I didn’t even know there was such as service,” he said.
Discovering the Personal Concierge
His first foray into seeking support for his Mom started with an online ad on SitterCity.com. Almost immediately, he received several responses.
“I feel really fortunate and lucky because my first interview was with Sarah,” said Randie, referring to New Leaf Concierge Service founder Sarah Saunders. “The connection among me, Sarah and Mom was almost immediate. I knew I had to look no farther.” Sarah has worked with Randie and his Mom since March. Twice a week, Sarah arrives at Randie’s home and spends approximately three hours per visit with Ruth either at the residence or on fun outings tailored to Ruth’s interests. The visits always vary and extend beyond the stereotype of “babysitting,” said Randie.
“Mom doesn’t need someone to sit on the couch and hold her hand,” he said. “She needs activity, intellectual stimulation, camaraderie and engagement. Sarah delivers that with every visit.”
As a personal concierge, Sarah arrives ready and prepared to empathize and engage. On some visits, Sarah and Ruth will bake cookies or go to a movie. Ultimately, New Leaf focuses on making sure an individual is respected, honored and engaged with family and the community.
“There’s always a plan and a purpose designed for each and every person,” said Saunders. “Our goal is to lift these people’s spirits, get them back to enjoying their lives. This goes for the person we’re helping one-on-one, as well as their families.”
One key aspect of service for Randie’s Mom is her weekly speech therapy classes, said Randie. "Sarah helped us recognize the imperative of helping Mom with her speech therapy,” he said. New Leaf researched programs and discovered the Callier Center for Communications Disorders at the University of Texas at Dallas (UTD). Its Community Learning Program or CLP is a community-based program designed for those who have experienced strokes, traumatic brain injury (TBI) or other acquired brain injury. Randie’s Mom, Ruth, was accepted into the program and now goes three times a week.
“Ruth works very hard and is so committed,” said Sarah. “All of us have noticed her hard work. Her speech and confidence have improved greatly."
Today, Randie says his Mom appears happier, more content and certainly more active. “There’s no doubt that Mom is in a much happier place. She looks forward to what’s coming up and what she’ll be doing during the week,” he said. “At the same time, I feel less of a burden, practically and emotionally. Thanks to New Leaf and Sarah, we’ve discovered a whole new world for us and my Mom.”
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