Depression & True Friends

Depression & True Friends

Objective

To help teens understand how to deal with depression in friends and family members with an emphasis with Christian caring.

Key Scripture Verse

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke up on you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Ice Breaker(choose one)

Find someone who… – (aka Human Bingo) – attached

Clumps – a fast paced game of similarities

Have a list of ideas which are things that are true of 2 or more teens. Examples include hair is curly/straight; white shirt/blouse, has a sister, wearing socks, likes bananas, etc. You can also call out body parts such as elbows, feet, backs, etc. (be careful which ones you choose). The game is simple ask the teens to get in a clump based on what you call out. For example: “Wearing white shirt” the teens get in a clump of white shirts, or a clump of colored shirts, based on the shirt they are wearing. Important note – everyone is in a clump. Hints – start with easy things they can see. As they get proficient, say things they need to ask about – “do you like bananas”, or “do you have a sister”. When calling out body parts have them find a partner and touch the part you just called out – so Elbows – they find a partner and put their elbows together.

Welcome & Opening Prayer

Share what’s on your heart and ask the Lord to reach into the hearts of the teens gathered with you.

Large Group Introduction of Topic:

Tonight were going to share on a really important topic – Depression & being a friend. Many of you are thinking you are fine, your friends are fine, “what does this have to do with me?” Well, every year about 10% of all Americans will suffer from a depressive disorder, and that means that it is very likely that a friend, or a family member, may one day need you to know what depression is, and how you can be a good friend when they are hurting.

Agree ---Disagree activity (make a line on the ground, or line of tape on the floor. Have teens get on one side or the other depending on if they agree or disagree with the statement.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Then ask, why or why not?

Depression is always severe
Good Christians should pray more, not seek the assistance of a professional therapist.
If a person will work hard enough and believe strong enough, they will never have to worry about being depressed.
If you just decide to be happy you will be.
Depression can be an opportunity for you to grow and learn things about yourself that you might never learn otherwise.
Depression is the result of a weak faith or not trusting God.

Large Group Teaching

Note: use the Depression Information pages to help guide and inform the discussion. You can use a white board or several large posters. Go through each listed area and brainstorm as a group. Be sure to add any the teens miss. Be sure to correct any misconceptions.

What are some causes of depression?
What are some symptoms of a depressed person?
What are some of the possible effects of depression?
What are some of the myths about depression?

Small Group Discussions: (teen leaders with adult team)

See Discussion Questions for Small Groups

When the whole group is back together share the information from the small groups. It is crucial that the information be accurate and reinforced. Have additional poster boards or white board to write their points

Large Group – the scripture story can be read, or done as a drama

Scripture Story, Read: 1 Kings 19:3-13(A story of Elijah, one of the great prophets, who worked a mighty witness for God, and then fell into a depression.)

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."

Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

Questions for discussion:
What do you observe about Elijah’s condition based on this passage?
How did Elijah behave and think when he found himself in this emotional state?
What led to Elijah having this struggle with depression?
How did the angel of the Lord minister to him?
What is wrong with Elijah’s thinking?
How does the Lord expand Elijah’s understanding of him?
How is his depression resolved, or is it?

Large Group

Invite teens to take to look at the last 12 months of changes in his/her life. Then take the “Stress Scale for Teens.” Add total score and discuss outcomes as whole group. Remind teens they can help each other both to reduce overall stress, and to cope with stress. It’s part of being a community in Christ.

Share that if any teen ever feels stressed and overwhelmed, or if they think they might be depressed you (the youth minister) are there to help. Remind them that you care for them; that they are precious to you; that God has entrusted them to you, and you want to help. Give every teen and adult the Handout of Warning Signs and Where to Get Help

Personal Testimony – from teen or adult

who has been depressed or has a friend or family member who was depressed. Be sure to listen to the presentation in advance. The testimony should help teens know they can be an effective friend and an advocate for someone who is suffering. Avoid a testimony that is focused on self-guilt for not stopping a suicide.

Closing Prayer & Key Scripture

Matthew 11:28-30

Give Message of hope and comfort through Christ.

HOPE – You are never alone.
Do not be afraid. Do not be ashamed. Jesus loves you very much and so do I.
COMFORT – Be a friend and help. Be a resource. Seek help for self or others.
You can handle all situations through prayer, friends and professional help.

Close your eyes and listen quietly to “Come To The Water” by Matt Mahr

Human Bingo

Write the first and last name of a person who matches the square, can only use a person’s name once. Squares will be verified. Once complete give to leader. First one done and verified wins! 

B / I / N / G / O
Find someone who is taller than 6 feet. / Find someone who is the youngest child. / Find someone who can do a back bend. / Find someone who is a sophomore. / Find someone who is Confirmed.
Find someone who is an only child. / Find someone who is a senior. / Find someone who is wearing gold. / Find someone who with blue eyes. / Find someone who is the middle child.
Find someone who is a junior. / Find someone who not born in the USA. / Free Space
Write your name here! / Find someone who is wearing red. / Find someone who can walk on his/her hands.
Find someone who is the oldest child. / Find someone who can sing the alphabet song. / Find someone who can whistle. / Find someone who can sing in a language other than English. / Find someone who can speak three languages.
Find someone who is not Confirmed. / Find someone who can do 10 push ups. / Find someone who wears braces. / Find someone who is shorter than 5 feet. / Find someone who is a freshmen.

Depression Information (page 1 of 2)

What are some causes of depression?

Significant Stressors
School
Work
Friends
Family (i.e. Divorce/separation, sickness, loss of job, alcoholism, abuse, etc.)
Boyfriend/girlfriend

Family History
If someone in your family was depressed while you were growing up, there is a greater likelihood that you will struggle with depression
Genetics

Physical Factors
Chemical imbalance in the brain
Psychological disorders (manic depressive)
Sick with cold or flu we tend to be more discouraged or depressed
Psychological (i.e. low self esteem)

Disappointments, Frustrations and Losses (may also tie in with Significant Stressors)
Death of a family member or friend
Loss of job
Divorce
School
Boyfriend/girlfriend fight or breakup
World related tragedy (i.e. WorldTradeCenter)

Subjective Distortion
Interpreting events that occur in their lives being filtered through personal emotions, thus having a negative perspective on things (being pessimistic). (i.e. You are walking down the halls at school. You pass a friend, but he does not say hi or acknowledge you whatsoever. Thus, you assume you have done something wrong or you convinced yourself that that person does not like you. It may just be that he did not see you or was daydreaming.)

Season of the Year
Winter and Fall can bring on Seasonal Affective Disorder. Yes, it is not your imagination. The fall and winter with their lack of sunshine and longer nights can give you the blues. Getting outside in the sun, turning lights on real bright indoors seems to help. Be aware this can be a contributing factor when someone is suffering from a more severe depression.

Depression Information (page 2 of 2)

What are some symptoms of a depressed person?

(Most symptoms must be present for a prolonged period, not just a couple of days of feeling “blue)

Depressed mood (sad, discouraged, pessimistic, etc)
Crying spells
Oversensitive
Appear anxious and agitated
Severe feelings of hopelessness or of helplessness
Severe feelings of worthlessness – they think they’re a failure
Sleep difficulties (trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep/or always sleepy)
Loss of appetite
Fatigue, low energy
Not finding fun in the activities, you used to have fun in (i.e. Shopping, concerts, hanging out with friends, etc)
Withdrawal – always wanting to be alone
Trouble concentrating and making decisions
Irritability
Thoughts of death
Suicidal thoughts
Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach or back pain with no reasonable cause
Weight gain or loss
Dropping grades
Loss of friends or interest in friendships

What are some of the possible effects of depression?

Suicide
Hurting others (friends, family; withdrawal from them, rejection, emotional & physical, bullying)
Hurting yourself (cutting, etc)
Apathy
Risky behaviors
Drug use
Sex
Trouble at home, school or with the law

What are some of the myths we have about depression?

Depression will just go away eventually
Depression is the result of a weak faith
My family history has depression, so I will eventually become depressed
Good Christians should never seek go to a professional therapist; all they need to do is pray more.
If a person will work hard enough and believe strong enough, they will never have to worry about being depressed.
All depression is the result of our sins
Depression is always a sign of serious mental problems
There is nothing that you can do to help someone who is depressed.

Discussion Questions for Small Groups

How can we as friends help someone who is depressed? (Make a list of all suggestions, then evaluate and discuss their effectiveness. What do you think would be the most effective? The least?)

(Some suggestions in no particular order)

Just listen – let them talk without judgment
If they don’t want to talk, just hang out with them (DVD, frozen yogurt, movies, etc)
Do something active that is outdoors – rollerblading, wash a car, throw a football, walk, go to swing at the park, swim at the ocean, window shop at mall, etc
Go to church, youth group together
Work on a project together – can be fun, service, school or personal
Help them tackle a “stressor” – study for a test, finish homework together, do a chore that parents are nagging about, etc
Music (upbeat) – sing, karaoke, dance
Pets – walk a dog, yours or your friend’s
Focus their attention on positive things – where they are doing well, friends, their future, their positive impact on your life, etc

What are things not to say or do when a friend is depressed?

(Some suggestions)

Leave them alone or ignore them
Wait for them to get better, then hang out when they are more fun (don’t be a fair weather friend)
Tell them the problem is that they are not close enough to Jesus (Remember, some depressions are the result of our behaviors, but most have another cause such as family stresses or a physical/mental component. Heaping guilt about their supposed lack of faith will not fix this)
Feed into their depressed thoughts – Ex. “Yeah, your math teacher really hates you”
Do not respond with a list of their faults if they ask something like “what’s wrong with me?” or “why don’t people like me”. In this case, your friend is looking for reassurance/encouragement, not a list of faults. Do tell them what you like about them. (Remember to listen and acknowledge without judgment)
Promise to keep all things said a secret – if they talk about death, abuse or suicide, you must be in a position to get them effective help, to literally save their life.

Do we as Christians have the duty to help a friend who is depressed? Why or why not?

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus talks about us being a light for the world and gives us a command to love our neighbor as ourselves.
In the letter of James we are told it is our duty to help a neighbor with their needs, not just “wish them well”
People who are in pain may use harmful ways to cope. (i.e. Drugs, sex, alcohol, cutting, etc.) These methods lead to further harm and depression. As Christians, we can give them a message of hope, real love, forgiveness and salvation

If you were depressed, whom would you turn to for help?

(Discussing this in advance helps to identify support systems)

(Be sure to complete the suggested handout with good local sources then send the handout home)

Handout

Warning Signs that a Teen Needs Help

Prolonged depression that is not improving. If several weeks have gone by take strong action to get teen to professional help. If they will not take the step of talking to parent or counselor, you need to bring it to the attention of their parents. Although they may get angry, they will get the help they need. Anger goes away.

Talking about death or suicide. Most teens who commit suicide have told one or more friends they were thinking about it. Do not take this lightly. Professional help is needed.

Hurting themselves intentionally. Most suicides are preceded by failed attempts. Get professional help immediately. Call suicide hotline - you may save their life.