Death Over Water: 334-07

DEATH OVER WATER: 245-09

EDITING POETRY RESPONSES

TURNING THREES (or worser)

INTO FOURS OR BETTER

TURNING A TWO INTO A THREE
DEATH OVER WATER 072-08:

THIS IS ESSENTIALLY A TWO PAPER. A series of disjointed thoughts.

Phrasing problems State Quote Clarify

Where is the introductory sentence? In “Death Over Water”, the eagle is referred to as the male skater in “ice dancing and the gull being the female. The eagle is the stronger one, with more ability and strength as he follows the “girl dancer’s” every move. Clarify The water could parallel to the ice on an ice rink. In lines 16-18; “The enemy has every advantage of size and speed” because the male dancer does in ice skating especially against her or the gull. The eagle will repeat and copy the slightest move until he catches his pray. Eh? The gull has potential like a female ice dancer would, but the eagle is bigger and stronger, so he wins. Conclusion

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods compares the relationship between an eagle and a gull to a pair of ice dancers.In “Death Over Water”, The eagle is likereferred to as the male skater in “ice dancing and the gull, beingis like the female dancer. The eagle, as he follows the gull’s every move, is the stronger one, with more ability and strength. as he follows the “girl dancer’s” every move.The eagle is clearly more powerful and dictates the events of battle just like the male ice dancer leads his female partner across the ice. The water below them could parallel to the ice on an ice rink. As the chase progresses, “the enemy has every advantage of size and speed.” because the male dancer does in ice skating especially against her or the gull. The eagle will repeat and shadowcopy the gull’s slightest move until he catches his prey. The gull has potentiallike a female ice dancer falling into the arms of her male partner, falls to the bigger and stronger eagle but the eagle is bigger and stronger, so he wins. Conclusion

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods compares the relationship between an eagle and a gull to a pair of ice dancers. The eagle is like the male skater in “ice dancing and the gull is like the female dancer. The eagle, as he follows the gull’s every move, is the stronger one, with more ability and strength. The eagle is clearly more powerful and dictates the events of battle just like the male ice dancer leads his female partner across the ice. The water below them could parallel the ice on an ice rink. As the chase progresses, “the enemy has every advantage of size and speed.” The eagle will repeat and shadow the gull’s slightest move until he catches his prey. The gull, like a female ice dancer falling into the arms of her male partner, falls to the bigger and stronger eagle.

This still has problems. Numerous parallels have been omitted. Ideas have not been fully explained. Key quotations were not integrated. Phrasing is still awkward and/or simplistic. Vocab lacks sophistication.

NOW LET’S TRY AND TURN THIS THREE PAPER INTO A STRONG FOUR PAPER.

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods compares the relationshipmortal chase between an eagle and a gull to a pair of ice dancers. The eagle is like the male skater in ice dancing and the gull, is like the female dancer. Like the male of a pair of ice dancers “spreading his dark arms” above his partner, the eagle “shadows” the gull’s every move.The eagle, is clearlythe stronger one, with more ability and strength. The eagle is clearlyand more powerful,and dictates the events of battle just like the male ice dancer leads his female partner across the ice. The water belowsky above the bay could parallel the ice on an ice rink. It is the arena for the chase between hunter and prey and the crows are the audience.

As the chase progresses, “the enemy has every advantage of size and speed.” The eagle, will repeat and shadowing the gull’s slightest move, eventually drives it “bleating across the bay”until before it inevitably catches its prey. Then the gull, like a female ice dancer falling into the arms of her male partner, falls to the bigger and stronger eagle. This extended metaphor of ice dancing clearly shows the relationship between the eagle and the gull. Note: Conclusion is almost best omitted. Try ending with a chronological ending: The performance now over, the coup de grace completed, the crows, like an audience, disperse.

MOST OF THE CORRECTIONS INVOLVE CLARIFICATION AND VOCAB

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods compares the mortal chase between an eagle and a gull to a pair of ice dancers. The eagle is the male skater in ice dancing and the gull, the female dancer. Like the male of a pair of ice dancers “spreading his dark arms” above his partner, the eagle “shadows” the gull’s every move. The eagle, clearly stronger and more powerful, dictates the events of battle just like the male ice dancer leads his female partner across the ice. The sky above the bay could parallel the ice on an ice rink. It is the arena for the chase between hunter and prey and the crows are the audience.

As the chase progresses, “the enemy has every advantage of size and speed.” The eagle, shadowing the gull’s slightest move, eventually drives it “bleating across the bay” before inevitably catching its prey. Then the gull, like a female ice dancer falling into the arms of her male partner, falls to the bigger and stronger eagle. The performance now over, the coup de grace completed, the crows, like an audience, disperse.

SHALL WE TRY IMPROVING ONE MORE THREE TO A FOUR?

YES, WE SHALL.

DEATH OVER WATER: 334-07

NO INTRO The dance of nature that the gull and the eagle go through are very much like a pair of ice skaters. As the author writes, they choose to stay out in the arena of the bay for all to see their dramatic performance. Like a good pair of skaters, the birds give a wild performance to their audience, the crows. PARAGRAPH BREAK IS ODD

The crows symbolize the audience of the skating arena. They drive the gull and eagle to give the best performance to their abilities. The crows skreech, just like the audience screams, laughs and shouts. This unrelenting sound of the crows drives at the birds, adding to the emotions present for the kill, or to the skaters to pull off that last jump.

In lines 10, 11 and 12, “the male of a pair of ice dancers spreading his dark arms above his partners every move,” is exactly what the male of the pair does and what the eagle does; it drives the other half of the pair along, never letting it out of their reach. The male half will always be there for the other, which is proved in lines 34 and 35, “ it grabs the limp body from the water, and bears it off”, whether in life [skater] or death [birds] He will always be there to finish it off.CONCLUSION NEEDED.

DEATH OVER WATER: 334-07.

This response should have been organized prior to writing. Some of paragraph three is better at the beginning after the intro. The eagle and gull should be discussed before the audience is introduced. The paragraph on the crows is actually very well done.

In “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods compares ice dancing to an eagle’s pursuit of a gull. This effective metaphor allows the reader to visualize both the grace and savagery in this dance of nature.

The dance of nature that the gull and the eagle go through are is very much like a pair of ice skaters. In lines 10, 11 and 12, The male “of a pair of ice dancers spreading his dark arms above his partners every move,” is exactly what the male of the pair does and what the mirrors the eagle’sdoespursuit of the gull; it one drives the other half of the pair along, never letting it out of his reach. Furthermore, The male half or eagle will always be there for the other, “shadowing” the dance partner’s every move.which is proved in lines 34 and 35,

The chase like an ice dancing competition occurs in an arena. As the author writes, they choose to stay out in the arena of the bay for all to see their dramatic performance. Like a good pair of skaters, the birds give a wild performance to their audience, the crows. The crows symbolize the audience of the skating arena. They drive the gull and eagle to give their best performance to their abilities. The crows screech, just like the audience screams, laughs and shouts. This unrelenting sound of the crows drives at the birds, adding to the emotions present for the kill, just as an audience’s applause encourages or to the skaters to pull off that last jump.

Finally, the eagle kills the gull and grabs the “limp body from the water, and bears it off,”whether in life [skater] or death [birds] He will always be there to finish it off.much like a male dancer ends a performance by catching his female partner..

NEXT - - CHANGING A FOUR TO A SOLID FIVE.

IT’S A MATTER OF PHRASING

DEATH OVER WATER: 110-22phrasingsyntax – very repetitive

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods uses the metaphor of ice dancing to illustrate the relationship between the eagle and the gull. The eagle’s continuous following of the gull is evident when the poet describes the eagle as “the male of a pair of ice dancers spreading his dark arms above his partner’s every move.” The poet compares the eagle’s wings to a male skater’s arms which are constantly around the gull. Also,the eagle is described as being “parallel” to the gull. The poet is comparing the two bird’s alinement to each other to the alinement of two figure skaters to each other. When the poet asks, “Why does it remain in that arena where the enemy has every advantage of size and speed,” she implies the gull is similar to the female skater whose size and speed is often inferior to the male skating partner represented by the eagle. Furthermore,in the middle of the poem, the eagle and the gull’s comparison to a couple ice dancing is evident in “the death duo spiralling lower.”The eagle’s flight after the gull sends the two birds into a spiral towards the water, and the poet likens the two birds to two skaters who spiral towards the ice in figure skating. The term “coup de grace” is an ice dancing position which the poet also utilizes to compare the two bird’s relationship to ice dancing. Finally, in the poem’s conclusionthe poet describes the eagle as “circling, it graps the limp body from the water, and bears it off. Here, the poet likens the eagle’s win over his pray the gull to a male skater picking up the limp body of the female skater, and bearing it off. The extended metaphor of ice dancing is used in the poem to clearly show the relationship between the gull and the eagle.

DEATH OVER WATER: 110-22

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods effectively uses the metaphor of ice dancing to illustrate the artistic yet savage relationship between an eagle and its prey, a fleeing gull. The eagle’s continuous following pursuit of the gull is evident when the poet describes the eagle asmirrors “the male of a pair of ice dancers” who spreads “his dark arms above his partner’s every move.” The poet compares The eagle’s wings tolike the male skater’s arms which are constantly around the gull. Also, the eagle is described as beingFlying above and “parallel” to the gull, the more powerful eagle “shadows” the gull, controlling its every move. The poet is comparing the two bird’s alinement to each other to the alinement of two figure skaters to each other.When the poet wonders, “Why does [the gull] remain in that arena where the enemy has every advantage of size and speed,” she implies the gull is similar to the female skater whose size and speed is often inferior to her male partner represented by the eagle. Furthermore, in the middle of the poem, the eagle and the gull’s comparison to a couple ice dancing is evident in as“the death duo [spiral] lower” The eagle’s flight after the gull sends the two birds into a spiral towards the water, and the poet likens the two birds to two skaters who spiral towards the ice in figure skating. The term “coup de grace” is an ice dancing position which the poet also utilizes to compare the two bird’s relationship to ice dancing. Finally, in the poem’s conclusionthe poet describes circling, the eagle as “circling, it “grabs the limp body from the water and bears it off.” Here, the poet likens the eagle’s win over its prey, the gull, to the coup de grace in ice dance when the male skater picks up the limp body of the female skater, and bears it off to the applause of the audience.The extended metaphor of ice dancing is used in the poem to clearly show the relationship between the gull and the eagle.

In the poem “Death Over Water,” Elizabeth Rhett Woods effectively uses the metaphor of ice dancing to illustrate the artistic yet savage relationship between an eagle and its prey, a fleeing gull. The eagle’s pursuit of the gull mirrors “the male of a pair of ice dancers” who spreads “his dark arms above his partner’s every move.” The eagle’s wings like the male skater’s arms are constantly around the gull. Flying above and “parallel” to the gull, the more powerful eagle “shadows” the gull, controlling its every move. When the poet wonders, “Why does [the gull] remain in that arena where the enemy has every advantage of size and speed,” she implies the gull is similar to the female skater whose size and speed is often inferior to her male partner. Furthermore, as“the death duo [spiral] lower towards the water, the poet likens the two birds to two skaters who spiral towards the ice. Finally, circling, the eagle “grabs the limp body from the water and bears it off.” Here, the poet likens the eagle’s win over its prey, the gull, to the coup de grace in ice dance when the male skater picks up the limp body of the female skater, and bears it off.The extended metaphor of ice dancing is used in the poem to clearly show the relationship between the gull and the eagle.

DEATH OVER WATER: 245-09

A three

No intro. Throughout the poem, the poet compares the relationship between the gull and the eagle to a “pair of ice dancers” because every move that the gull makes, the eagle is sure to follow it like a shadow would. In lines 6, it says, “but the eagle is always above and behind it, parallel, like the male of a pair of ice dancers spreading his dark arms above his partner’s every move, like that the eagle shadows the gull.”

In a pair of ice dancer, you have the more aggresive, stronger, faster man who takes the lead in the show by holding and chasing his much slower, weaker and less endured female partner. The job of the male danser is to shadow his partners every move because he has more endurance and is much quicker because he’ much more muscular developed.

The eagle is compared to the male dancer because he’s much faster and stronger than the gull which is compared to the female dancer who is much slower and weaker.

DEATH OVER WATER: 449-04

In Elizabeth Rhett Woods’ “Death Over Water” the metaphor of the ice dancers is

used most effectively to convey imagery and to express the relationship between hunter and prey. Ice dancing brings to mind the smooth graceful curves and electrifying jumps and spins of a sport that is intricately choreographed. The metaphor relates to us the gentle beauty of the hunt observed by the narrator. She equates the eagle to “the male of a pair of ice dancers/spreading his dark arms above/his partner’ every move.” This imbues on the eagle a sense of superiority. In ice dancing, the male is traditionally the lead. He is in control of the program and initiates the rehearsed moves of the couple. The male can lift and throw his female partner. This dominance is similar to the relationship of the eagle and the gull. The gull is followed everywhere by the eagle, who is in control of the chase. The eagle is leading this “death duo” in their improvised dance across the bay. The narrator remarks that the “eagle shadows the gull, drives it / bleating over the bay.” The bay where the hunt takes place is their arena, and they are watched by a murder of crows who serve as anxious spectators. Through this metaphor of two ice dancers, we perceive imagery that is both graceful and savage, and can interpret the relationship of hunter and prey in new ways.