Date: / 19th October2015
Hare: / Blondie
Location: / Clovelly
Hareline
Run no.
/Date
/Hare
/Run details
/On In
1520 / 26/10/15 / JJ / Rose Bay HotelNew South Head & Dover Roads
Rose Bay / Same
1521 / 2/11/15 / Santa / Mortdale Memorial Park
Cnr Boundary Road & Martin Place / Mortdale RSL
1522 / 9/11/15 / Squatting Squaw / TBA
1523 / 16/11/15 / Grenade / TBA
1524 / 23/11/15 / Sun Bean / TBA
1525 / 30/11/15 / Goldmark and Venus / TBA
BBHHH website: -
Run
RUN 1519 CLOVELLY
A large pack were gathered around the entry to the Clovelly Hotel: BLONDIE handed me over to DOC for a rundown on the map. “Not enough street names as usual”. The pack were found milling around at the bus stop trying to work out which way to go?
North or South? I pointed them north across the beach and onto the boardwalk, after a little confusion at a roundabout: We skirted Bronte Park and headed into the hills. The next check was on Macpherson and Thomas streets the trail led up Brae Street and Lugar Street for another check:
By this time the pack had disappeared: The trail led on through Verna to a check at Douglas and Fern then onto Clovelly road and Bishops Avenue. The next check was found at Hamilton Street and Division Street after an On-Back in Brook Street.
Onto Alison road and crossed over Arden street to a check at Moore street and on around Gordons Bay to the so called Halfway Bucket. And then On-Home around the ocean to the Bucket.
A good hard run – 8 checks – 4 On-Backs.
Good run BLONDIE.
ON ON QR.
Circle Report
So there I was minding my own business, being a friendly hasher, driving the previous Scribe home one night after the run when, out of the blue, the aforementioned asked the deviously devised question – “hey Dundee, if I can’t find anyone else would you be the scribe next committee?”
Now I fully realise that the “anyone else” was really only me but like most susceptible blokes, unable to resist the pleadings of a pretty face, said oh ok I suppose, if you can’t find anyone else & 5 minutes later she couldn’t find anyone else so here I am again, I suppose much to the disappointment of many, including the writer.
Hannibal Lector was in a bit of a hurry & decided to start without the scribe, which isn’t the best way to ensure you don’t receive an honourable mention every week – Hannibal & honourable aren’t synonymous anyway, which brings me to a question asked by a couple of unsuspecting Harriettes as to how he got his name & then they wished they hadn’t.
Anyway all he had to offer was Clovelly meant pub looking over water, which is the way most solicitors look at things.
Run Report
Due to the short cutting of the new TM, our departing TM, Rim Liquor,was entrusted with the run report as he thought she’d completed all the run. Ho Ho Ho. Having lived in the area for some time & understanding the terrain, Rimmy had resorted to her previous to TM ways of finding the easiest & quickest way to the bucket, which meant using the skills learnt by Blaxland, Lawson & Wentworth when crossing the Blue Mountains by keeping to the high ground.
This didn’t stop her, however, in redirecting the writer & a few other easily led front runners, into all the hills & valleys. When asked why she wasn’t following us the reply was typically female – “I’m going this way!!” Duh uh ok & where’s the trail? “Oh just up there somewhere.” And we went up there somewhere for about 2 kilometres but at least found the halfway bucket, which is more than she did.
But her report mentioned none of this, only that some people shortcutted the run, not Dundee of course, just everyone else. She also said something about a pleasant evening, whatever that means, & there was no swimming. Well fuck me I thought we were a drinking club that runs a bit, don’t know where the swimming bit comes in but she gave Blondie 9/10. I’m not sure that her better half wasn’t involved because most women get lost when confronted by steps & lanes or, in Bingo’s case just walking out the front door.
Visitors: -Only one – Peckerhead from Bike Hash. Now I’m not one to surmise as to how Hashers get their names & I’m not really going to make disparaging remarks as to the aforementioned but this is Hash & ……….. nah I say nothing more.
Athletes- Only 2 who were mentioned last week – Dame Nellie – 1100 & Kizzme – 750. Question is, “what was Kizzme doing for those 7 years?”
Prickette and Prick nominations
Loan Arranger nominated Rim Liquor for wearing a short skirt at the AGPU or on the way home or something….what’s the Hash coming to when a Harrier nominates a Harriette for wearing something short or not at all even. I’ve always thought you nominated them for wearing too much. He must be getting old.
JJ nominated Kizzme for something about 24 & Chinese or something – she talks too softly & fast for my shorthand.
Slotcard was nominated by someone for sitting down I think but how could they tell???
Hannibal was nominated by someone for not knowing who was on committee – glad I wasn’t asked.
Pseudo nominated Slops for being beaten by Holeproof in a down down but it wasn’t accepted because Holeproof’s shorter than Slops – shorter than everyone actually & she doesn’t have to lift her glass as high as anyone else so she should always win but I’m backing Poddy.
Prickette – Rim Liquor Prick – Slops
Why is it that we call the female nominations “Prickettes”? Wouldn’t Vagina of the week or Clitoris of the week be better or are those just positive sounding achievements? Then again, I suppose a prickette (small prick) could be interpreted as a clitoris of sorts so…… Ok.
Announcements-
7 Bridges Walk on Sunday – Meeting at Pier 3 Circular Quay at 8:30am. Sign in there.
Dundee’s thought for the week
Female bras, whilst a sometimes necessary accessory for the anatomy to control the gravitational pull, are poorly designed by enclosing the nipple within the structure. Imagine the benefits of exposing that part, even though it may be held tightly by other exterior garments. Immediately all blokes would be fully aware of the elements & whether you were really glad to see us, thereby eliminating all that boring foreplay. Obviously they were designed in medieval times to protect a woman’s modesty but are now completely unnecessary in these more open times.
Dates for your Diary
Date
/Event
/Details
25th October 2015 / 7 Bridges Walk- meeting @ Pier 3 Circular Quay – 8:30am22nd Nov 2015 / Tough Mudder 2015 / TBA
24/2/17 to 26/2/17 / Nash Hash- Ballarat, VIC
Ballarat, Victoria / Fancy a day of rolling in the mud, a 20 km obstacle course and team work? Then sign up to join the Hash Tough Mudder team. Squatting Squaw is putting a team together for this event at Brownlow Hill. Sign up as an individual and then join the team. We are the ‘Hash Heroes’ and the password in on on. Any questions see SS.
B2H3 Committee:
Title
/Hash name
/AKA
/Telephone
/Grand Mattress / Goldmark / Deborah Griffin / 0410 341 562 /
Religious Advisor / Hannibal Lector / Paul Henderson / 0418 653 964 /
Trail Master / Queen Rodent / Jon Wilks / 0408 962 428
Hash Scribe / Dundee / John Coubrough / 0413 833 319 /
Hash Cash / Moa Goa / Marilyn Harvey / 0414 285 942 /
Bucket Master / Cold Duck / Brian East / 0414 458 790 /
Hash Rags / Bowerbird / Elaine Bowers / 9521 4157 / Bowerbird @hotmail.com
Jokes
On the Airplane
A man and a woman are in adjacent seats on an airplane. The woman sneezes, then shudders violently.
(This happens three times. Make the joke as long as you want.)
Finally, the man asks the woman what’s wrong. She says, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition. When I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”
The man says, “I’ve never heard of that. What are you taking for it?”
“Pepper.”
[Top]
Sex before marriage
John: “I never had sex with my wife until our wedding night. How about you?”
Joe: “I’m not sure. What was her maiden name?”
[Top]
Facts of Life
A little boy is walking down the street with his father when he observes two dogs mating. He turns to his father and asks, “What are they doing, daddy?”
The father replies, “Well, son, I guess it’s OK for you to know. That is how puppies are made.”
That night, the little boy has a bad dream and enters his parents’ bedroom to discover them having sex. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“Well,” replies his embarrassed dad, “we didn’t intend for you to know about this sort of thing until you’re older, but since you’ve seen, you might as well know: This is how babies are made.”
“Well turn her over,” the little boy says. “I’d rather have a puppy.”
[Top]
On Santa’s Lap
A little girl is in line to see Santa when it is her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap.
Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and GI Joe”
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.”
“No,” said the little girl, “she comes with GI Joe. She fakes it with Ken.”
[Top]
Where Babies Come from
If a stork brings white babies, and a raven brings black babies, what kind of bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
[Top]
In the Elevator
A guy’s in the rear of a crowded elevator and he shouts, “Ballroom please.”
A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.”
[Top]
Church & Shower
What’s the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the shower?
A woman in church has hope in her soul.
[Top]
Golf No. 3
A fellow tees off, and slices terribly. He sees the ball fly past a stand of trees and then hears a shriek. He runs over and finds a woman knocked out cold.
The man runs back to the clubhouse and shouts, “Is there a doctor here?”
“I’m a doctor,” another man says, rising. “What’s the trouble?”
“I just hit a woman with a golf ball out there, and she’s unconscious!”
“Well where did you hit her?” the doctor asks.
“Between the first and second holes.”
“Oh my,” the doctor says, shaking his head. “That doesn’t leave much room for stitches!”
[Top]
At the Vet’s
A dachshund and a great dane meet in the waiting room at the veterinarian’s office. The great dane asks the dachshund, “What are you in for?”
“Well,” the dachshund begins, “My owner has a plus shag carpet, and when I walk across it, it rubs my belly and I get all excited. The other day, I got so hot that I ejaculated on the rug, so now I’m here to get neutered. What’re you in for?”
“My owner is a beautiful woman,” the great dane replies. “The other day, I was sitting on the bathroom floor as she was drying herself off after a shower. When she bent over, I got so excited that I jumped up and mounted her right then and there!”
“Wow,” says the dachshund. “So you’re here to get neutered, too?”
“No,” says the great dane. “I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
[Top]
... A Clitoris and ...
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will spend 15 minutes looking for a golf ball.
[Top]
The Vibrator
A woman is using a vibrator and it gets stuck. She goes to her doctor and urgently pleads with her to get it out. The patient is rushed off for emergency surgery.
When the woman wakes up from the anaesthesia, her doctor says, “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we tried everything we could, and we just couldn’t get the darn thing out. The good news is that we were able to change the batteries.”
PurchasingorLeasing- which is better?
Many people cannot decide which is cheaper - purchasing or leasing..
I would like to help you decide by illustrating two charming stories.
Purchasing
The maths on the Paul McCartney - Heather Mills divorce was as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.
Assuming he had sex with her every night during their 5 year relationship
It ended up with him purchasing her @ $26,849 per time.
This is Heather...
Leasing
On the other hand,
New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's favourite hooker,Kristen,
Charged $4,000 per night.
This is Kristen...
So, had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years @ $4,000 per night,
He would have paid only $7.3 million in total for sex every night.
This represents a $41..7 million saving for Eliot.
What a shrewd man Eliot is, compared to the ageing Beatle.
Further valuable benefits of thisLeasingoption are;
* a (real) 22 year old
* no need for coaxing / pleading / begging
* never a headache
* happily agrees to all technical requests
* no complaining
* no “Honey - please do this” lists
* has two legs
Best of all, she leaves and returns when asked.
All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees.
What does Heather think about this Purchase v Lease conundrum?...
Where would you rather be?...
SometimesLeasingjust makesmore sense.
THE OLD ADAGE STILL HOLDS TRUE ...IF IT FLYS, FUCKS, OR FLOATS ...RENT IT!
A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but
halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money.
He calls home.
'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing...
they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'
'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll
get him on the course.'
So his father sends the dog and $2,000.
About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.
The boy calls home again.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.
'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... But you just won't believe this.
They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals
how to read.'
'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'
'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'
The money promptly arrives, but our hero has a serious problem.
At the end of the year,his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'
'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left
to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the
Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still
bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''
The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'
'I sure did, Dad!'
'That's my boy!'
The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.
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