Assertivness at Work Delegate Manual

ABC TRAINING SOLUTIONS

Conflict Management / Mediation

TIPS AND TACTICS FOR FACILITATING CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Choose the moment

When’s the best time/ place to tackle the issue?
Get both parties face to face straightaway? or meet them separately to broker a meeting?
The longer the conflict festers, the more feelings get entrenched and therefore more challenging to reach a resolution

Introduce the issue

Explain the situation in a non-emotive way
Get across the effect of what has happened. For example on the morale of the team or the reputation of the department (e.g. other department’s have gossiped about the situation)
Be positive in the introduction. For example:

-“I do want a productive outcome for both of us”

-“I really want to clear the air because it’s not good for any of us”

Set the ground rules

For example:

-Listen to each other’s view point

-No talking over each other

-No resorting to sarcasm or being flippant

Ask each party for their versions of events

Encourage a debate not argument
Control the conversation assertively if it gets confrontational e.g. “Look John, I know that you’re emotional about this however you do need to avoid comments like that last one”
Remain neutral and calm
Feedback to those who display destructive negative emotion e.g. glaring/ finger pointing; sarcastic remarks; yes butting ; personal remarks

Let them vent

Let parties vent their emotion
When people are emotional then they are not rationale, they exaggerate and demands are not reasonable
Letting them get it off their chest promotes reduction in emotion and increase in rational problem solving

TIPS AND TACTICS FOR FACILITATING CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Find out ideal outcomes

What do the affected parties want as an outcome

Adopt a problem solving approach

Explore reasons for the situation
Ask both parties for a solution or way forward
Voice positiveness e.g. “There must be a way to solve this”
Look for win-win outcomes if possible

Summarise regularly

To ensure nothing is missed out and to promote clear communication
Summarise back any agreement and check that each party is committed to the solution/ approach

Use the flipchart

Make note of any key points so they aren’t lost
Read back the notes on flipchart whenever you need to defuse destructive emotion

Take time out

To reflect on what they’ve said and to check how people are feeling
Don’t feel the issue has to be resolved there and then
An overnight break might help people understand/ compromise more

COMMON INTERVENTION LANGUAGE

Since the wording of interventions from us is so important, here are some commonly used sentence stems:

“I’m noticing that...... ”

“I’d like to offer this observation...... ”

“Let’s stop for a moment and look at what’s happening here”

“It strikes me that...... ”

“I’d like to suggest the following...... ”

“A pattern I have observed is.....”

“I’d like to describe what I am seeing here and get your reaction to it”

“You seem to be...... ”

INTERVENTION WORDING FOR SPECFIC SITUATIONS

When someone is being sarcastic

“Ellen, I’m afraid your good ideas aren’t being heard because of the tone of your voice. How’s about starting again only in a more neutral way”

When one party is putting down the ideas of the other

“Joe, you have been ‘yes butting’ every suggestion Carol has made. Please could you explore some of her ideas a little further with some questions before dismissing them? It will make Carol feel more like she’s being heard”

When two people are arguing, cutting each other off and not listening to each other

“I’m afraid neither of you is hearing the excellent points being made by the other. I’m going to ask you both to first paraphrase what the other has said before you make your own comment”

When someone has hurled a personal slur at someone else

“Jim, rather than characterising Sally as being sloppy, please tell her specifically about the state of the meeting roomafter her session, so that she can address the situation”

When a person makes only negative remarks about the ideas of another person

“Shaz, what do you like about what George has just said?”

When the whole group is acting dysfunctional

“I’m going to stop this discussion. I’ve noticed that two people are talking among themselves while three others are arguing. What can we do to make the rest of the meeting run more smoothly?”