Arciero Brothers Checklist
Code2?Last Name, First Name. 12.PR.332.23 Arciero
Brothers
StyleFull Block/Mixed Punctuation
Spelling Check spelling carefully.
CommasCheck after introductory phrases and clauses and between
independent clauses. Don’t use when unnecessary.
Number RulesSpell out numbers ten or less in text.
SpacingSingle Spacing within paragraphs.
One blank line between:
-- paragraphs.
-- inside address and salutation.
-- salutation and body of letter.
Tips:This is a final-stage collection letter (kind of). A collection
series usually consists of several letters starting with a reminder and moving through an inquiry, several appeals, and finally and ultimatum—the final letter. The last letter basically tells the reader that unless paid immediately you will turn the debt over to a collection agency or attorney.
In this case, Moorfield Construction is a general contractor that may provide you with business in the future, if you don’t offend them. While the case explanation does not mention it, Moorfield is probably not to problem. Edward’s Theater likely did not make some of their payments to Moorfield putting Moorfield in the difficult situation of not being able to pay their bills either. You will have to decide whether to be firm and demand payment or to show understanding and try to build a relationship for the future.
Whichever approach you take, be sure it’s logical.
Organizational PlanThis is a persuasive request letter. Read Chapter 9 carefully.
Review and use the checklist on p.317. Make sure your use of the AIDA formula (see p. 293) is evident in this message.
Use four paragraphs beginning with an effective attention getting device and ending with a specific statement of what you what Moorfield to do.
Paragraph One. Start on a positive but neutral note that relates to the problem. It should lead naturally to the second paragraph.
Paragraph Two. Provide sufficient explanation for the reader to understand what has taken place, but do not restate information that is already known or is obvious. Be objective; avoid using statements that point blame.
Paragraph Three. This paragraph is where you need to create a reason for Moorfield to pay you. Don’t ask for the money yet; build a strong argument for payment. Logically appeal to fairness—you’ve completed the work, you need the money. After all, you have creditors to pay too. Avoid using the lien as leverage for payment. The mechanic’s lien is against Edwards Theaters, not Moorfield Construction. You’re telling them more out of courtesy than as a basis for payment. The lien is being placed on Edwards Theaters as “standard business practice” and will be removed when the bill is paid.
Paragraph Four. Show understanding for their difficult position, but at the same time be firm in your request for payment. After all, you don’t want them to think you don’t need the money right now. If you soften up, they will pay other creditors before they pay you.
Copy of LetterUse a courtesy copy notation below the signature line to show
that you are sending a copy of this letter to Edwards Theaters
cc: Mr. James Penny
Vice President of Finance
Edwards Theater, Inc.
12100 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90025
By placing this notation at the bottom of the letter, Moorfield learns that Edwards is aware that Moorfield has not paid their bill to you. If Edwards has paid Moorfield, then Moorfield will now be under pressure from Edwards to get the liens off of their property by paying you. If Edwards has not paid Moorfield, then you will be helping Moorfield by encumbering Edwards property. Edwards can’t sell it, get loans on it, or use it as collateral in other business dealings until the liens are removed.