ENTERING INTO SUFFERING
A look at suffering with and on behalf of children and families
Whitney White, MEd, APC, NCC, DCC
International Education Counselor
Breakout Description:Though it may be one of the greatest challenges of a person's life, entering into suffering alongside children and families who have experienced tremendous amounts of pain is an incredible God glorifying act of obedience. God uses our temporary suffering for the sake of someone else to bring about healing and transformation in the lives of His people and children. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, or professional, come receive a fresh perspective that will help equip and empower you to “enter in” with confidence that the Lord will work in and through you.
TwoAnalogies of Entering in…
- A fireman is willing to enter the flames, feel the fire, and breathe the smoke to reach the child in need. He has entered into the child’s suffering.
- A lifeguard will charge the waves swimming towards a struggling swimmer who he knows may very well resist him and try to push him under in an effort to gasp for air.
Suffering is Biblical
- Suffering is inevitable—it is a part of the Christian life (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)
- Suffering draws us to Christ (Matthew 11:28)
- Suffering gives us the opportunity to be comforted by God so that we can in turn comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
- Suffering allows us to see our need for God and it gives us the opportunity for our faith to be strengthened (Romans 5:3-5)
- Suffering gives us the opportunity to become more Christ-like (Philippians 13:10; Psalm 119:71)
Entering into Suffering: Orphan Care
- Doing orphan care IS entering into a world of suffering
- Orphan care is meeting the needs of orphans
- Spiritual
- Emotional
- Social
- Educational
- Physical
- God commands that we “care for” orphans…this means we must give something of ourselves for the sake of these children
“Unconditional” Love
- Hurting children need unconditional love
- What is true unconditional love?
- Pre-adoption / pre-placement vs post-adoption / post-placement
- Why do children who have experienced such pain, act the way they do?
- Not to make you suffer, but because they have suffered!
Entering into Suffering
In the world of adoption and foster care, what does “entering into suffering” oftentimes look like?
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
- Enduring Hostility
- Endlessly Listening
- Enduring Embarrassment
- Mourning & Grieving
- Sacrificing Time
- Showing Patience
- Showing Grace
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
Entering into Suffering = Healing
- Emotional healing comes from THIS type of sacrificial suffering!
- We have the privilege of being God’s hands and feet
- Remember Jesus often touched one life at a time
What does it take?
- Successful Parental Characteristics:
- Preparedness
- Dependency on the Lord
- Persistence
What about You?
- Suffering for a purpose is still suffering!
- How is this sustainable?
- Self-care activity
Practical Suggestions
What You Can Do:
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
- Prepare now
- Know what your default is when you face suffering
- Let people into your suffering early
- Connect with others who can relate
- Seek professional help
- Strive to maintain perspective
- Know what is healing
- Seek and speak truth
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
What Others Can Do:
- Know how to help your spouse
- Show empathy
- Reach out
- Meet practical needs
- Pray
A Note to Professionals: What’s Our Role?
- Prepare them for the suffering they will encounter
- Equip them with the tools needed to endure that suffering
- Assess their emotional strength and “willingness to enter”
- Enter into suffering with them
Maintaining Perspective
“If the story we tell ourselves is that the HARD, HURTFUL AND HORIBLE have no meaning, we will fail and fall victim to our own emotions. BUT if the story we tell ourselves is that the HARD, HURTFUL AND HORRIBLE have eternal meaning, we will be fruitful, multiply and plant seeds of victory into a story that echoes across eternity.” –Pam Parish
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
Risk Factors for Post Adoption Depression:
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
- Not Feeling Rested
- Low Self-Esteem
- History of Depression
- Perceived Friend Support
- Parent-to-Child Connection
- Marital Dissatisfaction
- Unmet expectations of:
- Yourself as a parent
- The child
- Family and friends
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
Potential Warning Signs:
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
- No time or energy for yourself
- Diminished self-capacities
- Unclear thoughts
- A short fuse
- Nightmares
- Despair & hopelessness
- Disconnection from loved ones
- Declining interest and involvement in spiritual disciplines
- Avoidance of spiritual community
- Cynicism, negativity, and irritability
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
20 tips for Self-Care & Managing Stress:
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services
1.Pray and spend time in God’s Word
2.Learn to say no – Do not overcommit or overextend yourself.
3.Exercise
4.Get good sleep & give yourself time to rest
5.Prioritize
6.Eat well and drink water
7.Cut down on caffeine intake
8.Talk to someone
9.Take deep breaths
10.Release body tension
11.Make time for hobbies and interests
12.Reward yourself
13.Make plans and stick to a calendar
14.Make a list
15.Count to 10
16.Listen to music
17.Recognize what is inside and what is outside of your control
18.Ask for help
19.Keep a sense of humor
20.Spend time with people you care about
Entering into Suffering 1
Lifeline Children’s Services