A Guide for Parents with Daughters who are being Sexually Exploited
CEASE- The Centre to End All Sexual Exploitation, refers to prostitution as sexual exploitation
What is Sexual Exploitation?
Sexual exploitation is NOT about sex, it is about the power and control one has over another.
15 is the average age individuals are coerced into visible sexual exploitation.
Over 75% of people working in the sex trade in Canada began working as a child.
(“Strolling Away” Susan McIntyre, PhD)
If You Still Have Some Communication with Your Daughter...
If your daughter is willing to sit down and talk with you openly, you are in a better place to start working with her toward getting her the help she needs.
If you've just begun to suspect she's being sexually exploited your daughter may be unwilling to answer all your questions about what she's doing and the people she's dealing with. This can be extremely frustrating for you, especially if you're her mother.
Don't Get Angry with Your Daughter! Don't Confront! Don't Cross-examine! This will only make her shut down and not communicate with you honestly.
This is a very hard for a mother who is worried sick about her daughter. But you probably already know, if you confront or interrogate your daughter, she's just going to shut down even more. You want to keep the lines of communication as open and ongoing as possible. Remember that any girl or woman, who's being recruited into sexual exploitation, is being overwhelmed and bullied by other girls or women and/or men who may be pimps or drug dealers.
Inform yourself as much as possible before talking with your daughter so that you can give her the information about the truth of sexual exploitation. You want to do this in caring and calm way. Get some written materials on sexual exploitation (prostitution) so that you or someone else can pass them on to your daughter. CEASE has many written materials related to sexual exploitation or prostitution.
Call our office to ask when you can pick some of these materials up at 780 471-6137 or email
The following are some of the things you can tell your daughter, or that you can ask another person to say to your daughter.
Tell her you love her and you're very concerned for her safety. Tell her you're afraid she may be sexually exploited, but that even if she's not being sexually exploited; there are some important things that every young girl and women should know.
Tell her that many, many young girls get targeted and tricked into exploitation. Explain to her how it works. Tell her that pimps and drug dealers, who can be women or men, usually start out being super nice; buying things, pretending love, and giving out money and drugs. Then they isolate the girl from her family and from other people who might be able to help her. Pimps and drug dealers or men, who buy sex, isolate a girl by taking her to another city where she doesn't know her way around. Sometimes they isolate her simply by constantly putting down her family and friends. Once she is isolated, that's when the pimps turn up the insults, violence, and threats, to terrify the girl, and make her afraid of attempting to escape.
In a calm and concerned way tell her that sexual exploitation often leads to the death of a girl or woman, by homicide, suicide, HIV, or drug overdose. Explain that pimps/drug dealers will often tell a girl that if she tries to get help, they will come after her or her family and kill them. Tell her that if she ever finds herself in that kind of situation, she should always be looking for ways to get away and that you are not afraid to protect her and you.
Tell your daughter that if she ever gets in that kind of situation that you will always be willing to help her no matter what. Tell her again that she should always think about ways to get away. Tell her she should always try to figure out where she is and to look for someone she can trust.
Tell her that pimps or other girls who are working with a pimp will also try to make her afraid of going to police or to other people in positions of authority like social workers or . But she should not be afraid to go to police and she should tell police that she is being held against her will, and that she is afraid for her life.
Ask her to please have a confidential phone conversation with the Chrysalis Help Line. Call the line and let her talk in private. Here is the number: 1-866-528-7109 Chrysalis Network Counselling.
If your daughter won't stay in touch with you, ask her if there is someone else she is willing to stay in touch with, just so you can know that she's safe...
Remain steady in your talks with your daughter that there is always help and there is always hope. Tell her that no matter what happens to stay strong by remembering that she is loved.
If your daughter won't sit still for even this kind of talk, ask someone else to talk with her. Try to think of a person, or persons, who your daughter will listen to, and is mature enough herself (or himself) to deliver the message seriously. Consider teachers your daughter may have been fond of in the past, other family members, neighbors, parents of your daughter's friends, etc. Give them the list of things you want your daughter to know. Ask them to try to contact your daughter, or to be ready to talk to her whenever they might come in contact with her.
If your daughter admits to being sexually exploited and challenges you by saying you don’t care…Tell her you're going to do absolutely everything possible to get her out of it because it is so dangerous and you couldn't bear to see her hurt. Go over the same information as above.
Remember, there are many ways a girl can get involved in sexual exploitation, including many ways that are purely accidental. Please see the section on Stories of Courage*** on the CEASE website. Studies have shown that a common history among girls who are sexually exploited is previous sexual abuse. Previous sex abuse makes a child vulnerable to exploitation because it robs a child of the understanding that they have the right to control their own body and their sexuality.
Take some time to stop and think if there is someone who has been, or is currently, sexually abusing your daughter. If there is that possibility, you're going to have to attack that problem, too, and work to make sure that person is removed from the home, school, or neighborhood.
As soon as you suspect or know your daughter is being sexually exploited… Keep a Notebook. One of the things that will be most helpful to you is to keep all your information in one notebook; the names and phone numbers of people you've talked to, the information they give you, the dates you make reports, the names of officials and social workers, and notes on conversations. Make an ongoing list of evidence. On top of the complex tasks of getting a youngster out of exploitation, the emotional turmoil of worrying about your child makes it difficult to remember even the most important details. So right away, start a notebook. Keep it with you, and write things down as soon as you can. And if you take out a notebook and take notes while you're talking to officials that in itself will usually get these officials to treat you and your daughter's case much more seriously. In addition, make sure you always have a notebook and pen by the phone.
Pick a photo of your daughter and make multiple copies and make a flyer with the photo with her birth information and contact numbers where people can call you and call authorities. Showing people photos of your child not only help jog their memories, it also motivates them to want to help.
Learn more about how to help someone recover who has been, or who is being sexually exploited. The more you know the facts, the better chance you have of helping.
Healing from Sexual Exploitation/Prostitution…
Even if you're able to get your daughter home, and get the pimps/drug dealers arrested, your journey toward helping your daughter has only just begun. The trauma of being sexually exploited is complex. Trauma includes; problems of drug addiction, physical injuries, sexually transmitted diseases, malnutrition, legal problems, educational lags, and more, especially if someone has been sexually exploited for any length of time. They will need full time help from people who understand the full picture.
Just trying to work on one part of the problem, like the drug addiction, or the emotional problems, or the legal problems, is not enough. Find out what are the available resources so you can support your daughter to get help.
It might be difficult to get people to care right away about one young woman involved in prostitution because so many people have the old attitude that she must be a bad girl. Don’t give up and most of all don’t feel ashamed of asking for help.
In addition to asking questions about your daughter, try also to find out if there are other girls in the area who have been recruited, if there are known pimps or men cruising for sex in the area, or local hotels that cater to prostitution. If there are pimps operating in the area, it's almost certain other girls, and possibly boys, have experienced recruiting attempts. And you can be certain that other parents will be as upset as you are to find out about it, making it possible for you all to work together to get the pimp and others arrested. Recruiters can also be other girls or women who are involved in prostitution or already exploited by others.
So here's one thing you can tell people about child exploitation that's so obvious that once you say it, many people will realize right away that it's true. The fact is that the biggest risk factor for all girls is the presence of pimps and johns in your neighborhood. If there are pimps and johns in your area going after one young woman, it isn't long before they'll be going after another and another. All the young people in the neighborhood are at risk, especially the girls.
So just by reminding people of this fact, you'll likely be able to convince some of them that if you work together, you'll all be saving many young people from the danger. Give other people written materials or the web sites of programs for helping exploited youngsters. Ask them to talk with your daughter, over and over again, if necessary.
Get Help for Yourself: In addition to seeking out people who can help you with your daughter, it's also important to try and find people who are willing to listen to you and help support you emotionally. It is heartbreaking for a mother and other caring family members to see a young woman being sexually exploited or abused. Don't go through all this alone. Ask any of the agencies who help girls and women who are sexually exploited if they have a parent support group or if you can post a notice to start one in your community. Most importantly, stay hopeful!
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