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Gumbo Bottoms
a Big Muddy Musical
by Meredith Ludwig
and Cathy Barton
© 2006 Ludwig & Barton
PO Box 268
Boonville.MO 65233
660-537-4139
GUMBO BOTTOMS
a Big Muddy Musical
Characters
Vivian Marks– Has just lost her husband and her family fortune, much to her surprise and dismay. Northeastern, wealthy upbringing.
Lucy Taylor – Came to the bottoms with her husband on a shanty boat. They farmed and raised cattle. She’s tough; chews tobacco on occasion and has cleared acres of willows with a machete. She’s got some Cherokee in her past.
Gabe Burns – Lucy’s neighbor and best friend after her husband died. He would rather be on the river than anywhere and makes a living fishing. African American.
Jacques Jeanrue – An opportunistic swindler who uses a fake French accent to impress folks. He is not French!
Gus/Man – Jacques Jeanrue’s bumbling accomplice and a town resident
Cousin/Woman–Vivian’s cousin anda town resident
Time
Spring, 1928
Place
A cemetery outside Boston and various locations along the Missouri River.
Production note: The set can be quite minimal. A mere suggestion of the shanty boat is adequate and all sound effects are available from the producer.
Draft: 2014
Gumbo Bottoms
ACT I
Scene One
MUSIC begins as A POOL OF LIGHT comes up on VIVIAN MARKS. She is looking down at a gravestone in a cemetery. She is dressed sharply, expensively, in black. A MAN and a WOMAN are by her side to comfort her.
WOMAN
May he rest in peace.
VIVIAN
While I starve!
MAN
It’s best to forgive and forget.
VIVIAN
That’s easy for you to say!
SONG: Misery
All of my life it’s been the men
Who told me to leave it up to them.
“We’ll do your financial management---
And you can be an ornament!”
WOMAN
I’m so sorry, Vivian. It’s bad enough he’s dead, but to leave you with nothing that’s down right despicable! Are you really homeless? Penniless? What’s to become of you?
VIVIAN
“Dear trouble not your pretty head,”
Was all I ever did hear said..
Well, now it’s all left up to me,
And all I’ve got is my…misery!
WOMAN
I heard there’s a piece of land Marcus inherited from an uncle that could be worth something. Is that true? Don’t you have some bottomland somewhere in Missouri?
VIVIAN
Did you mean Misery?
VIVIAN
Missouri…misery!
There’s nothing else that’s left to me.
Missouri…misery!
It’s a Godforsaken place to be!
MAN
But what about all those inventions. The bread slicing machine? I remember it was most promising.
VIVIAN
It crushed the loaves!
MAN
The fish boning machine?
VIVIAN
Quite stinky! Smashed the fish!
WOMAN
The hair dryer? That seemed close to brilliant!
VIVIAN
Singed my hair and everybody else’s!
MAN
He invested in hundreds of inventions, surely something must have made some money!
VIVIAN
Apparently not!
VIVIAN
Didn’t I lead a privileged life,
As wealthy Mr. Mark’s wife?
Those days are gone, like wisps of smoke,
Thanks, Mr. Marks, for now I’m broke!
WOMAN
But you had a fortune! Your grand papa’s gold coin collection?
VIVIAN
Gone!
WOMAN
The townhouse in Boston?
VIVIAN
Gone!
WOMAN
Your home in the country?
MAN
Gone!
VIVIAN
But I thought…no! Not the country house! Mommy and Daddy are buried there.
MAN
I’m sorry, Vivian. I thought we might rescue it, but no. You’ll have 30 days to make other living arrangements.
VIVIAN
They can’t have my house! You’ve got to do something!
MAN
I’m afraid it’s all perfectly legal
VIVIAN
I’ve lost possessions, buildings and land,
I left my fortune in his hands.
But all those years I couldn’t see,
That all he was holding was…misery!
Chorus: (Man & Woman sing with Vivian)
Missouri…misery!
There’s nothing else that’s left to me.
Missouri…misery!
It’s a Godforsaken place to be!
MAN
(Holding out a map.)
It’s just a small glimmer of hope, but some of that Missouri river bottomland can be quite rich and prosperous.
VIVIAN
Since this is all that’s left for me,
I guess I’ll go to my Miz-zouri.
I’ll go and see what I can find;
It’s all I’ve got…but at least it’s mine!
MAN (Woman go get suitcase and traveling coat.)
You women who defer to men,
To do your business management,
Do it yourself or you might someday be
Like Vivian in her misery!
VIVIAN, MAN, WOMAN (MAN and WOMAN prepare VIVIAN for her journey.)
Chorus: Missouri…misery!
There’s nothing else.(At least it’s free!)
Missouri…misery!
It’s a Godforsaken place to be!
MAN & WOMAN (All three travel across stage. Cast begins set change from cemetery to exterior of hotel.)
She’s lost possessions, buildings and land,
She left her fortune in his hands.
But all those years she couldn’t see,
That all he was holding was…misery!
You women who defer to men,
To do your business management,
Do it yourself or you might someday be
Like Vivian in her misery!
Chorus: Missouri…misery!
There’s nothing else. (At least it’s free!)
Missouri…misery!
It’s a God-forsaken destiny-
It’s a God-forsaken coun-ter-ree
It’s a God-forsaken place to be!
Scene Two
The TRAIN WHISTLES, all exit except VIVIAN and JACQUES JEANRUE. The TRAIN PULLS OUT OF THE
STATION. JACQUES approaches her. He removes his hat and talks with a thick French accent.
JACQUES
Pardon moi, Madame, but that bag looks awfully heavy.
VIVIAN
I’m fine, thank you.
JACQUES
First time in Missouri?
VIVIAN
Yes, it is.
JACQUES
I couldn’t help but notice you arein mourning. I’m so sorry for your loss.
VIVIAN
So am I.
JACQUES
Traveling alone, are you?
VIVIAN
That’s really not your concern.
JACQUES
An attractive woman, such as you, unescorted could run in to difficulty. Maybe I could be of assistance?
VIVIAN
No. Thank you.
JACQUES
Well, I hope someone is meeting you?
VIVIAN
Ah…yes! They’ll be here just any minute.
JACQUES
What a relief. For a moment I thought you’d arrived without man or maid servant here in the wilds of Missouri. It’s just not safe.
VIVIAN
Why?
JACQUES
You left civilization when you crossed the Mississippi.
VIVIAN
I did? Are you from Missouri?
JACQUES
Heaven forbid. I’m just traveling through.
VIVIAN
And what makes it so dangerous?
JACQUES
Why the river of course.
VIVIAN
(Setting down the bag.)
What about the river?
JACQUES
Just don’t go near it and you’ll be fine.
VIVIAN
It’s just a lot of water, isn’t it?
JACQUES
With whirlpools that will suck you under; fish big enough they can swallow you whole and then there’s the snakes.
VIVIAN
Poisonous?
JACQUES
Deadly.
VIVIAN
That sounds horrendous. Why do people live here?
JACQUES
Good question.
VIVIAN
Well, I won’t stay any longer than I have to.
JACQUES
Why have you come at all?
VIVIAN
That’s none of your business. How utterly rude!
JACQUES
(Picking up her bag.)
No, no, no! I'm JacquesJeanRUE, at your service.
VIVIAN
(Wrestling with the bag.)
I'm perfectly capable of handling my own affairs.
JACQUES
Back east maybe. But Madame, please let me explain.
(During the song she grabs back the bag and sits on it, but he forces her to dance with him.)
SONG: A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN (Tune: Allouette)
JACQUES
Chorus: A man he needs a woman, that's the way
it's always been ---
But not near as much as a woman needs a man!
He needs her cooking don’t you know,
But she needs him to make the dough!
Make the dough!(VIVIAN: Would you please go!)
Ohhhh---
Chorus
A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN (cont’d)
Like the river needs to run,
She needs a man to have some fun!
Have some fun! (Vivian:You'renot the one!)
Make the dough (Vivian: Would you please go!)
Ohhhh---
Chorus
He needs her like the cow needs the grass,
She needs a man to pinch her ------!!
Derriere! (Vivian: YOU WOULDN'T DARE!)
Have some fun! (Vivian: You're not the one!)
Make the dough (Vivian: Would you please go!)
Ohhhh ---
Like the fishes need the sea,
You need a man --- so why not me?
Why not me? (Vivian: Why not just LEAVE!)
Derriere!(Vivian: YOU WOULDN'T DARE)
Have some fun! (Vivian: You're not the one!)
Make the dough (Vivian: Would you please go!)
Ohhhh ---
Chorus
VIVIAN
You've highly overrated your sex! A man is the very
reason I’m here listening to yourhogwash.
JACQUES
It’s been such a pleasure making your acquaintance. Let me, at the very least, carry your bag into the hotel as its beginning to look like your might be stranded here this evening, Madame ___?
(JACQUES tries to wrestle the bag from VIVIAN, but she holds on.)
VIVIAN
I don’t understand your persistence in assuming you know anything about me, so will you be so kind as to quit pestering me!
JACQUES
Always aim to please! Good afternoon!
(He exits to hide and watch.)
GABE BURNS enters with several large fish on a pole.
VIVIAN
(Sees GABE but looks around for
anyone else who might be able to help.)
You there! I need to find some property I own, some bottomland. Can you take me there? I’ll pay you.
GABE
Maybe after awhile. I’ve got to go to the store and sell my fish.
VIVIAN
I’ll buy them.
(She hands him a slip of paper.)
Here’s the address. I believe it’s the old Harper place. I’ll make it worth your while.
GABE
I can get you pretty close, but I got to take my fish over to the store and sell them.
VIVIAN
I said I would pay you for them.
GABE
You want them cleaned?
VIVIAN
No, just leave them. I want to get out to the land before dark.
GABE
But there’s folks over at the store that could use-
VIVIAN
If I buy them, aren’t they mine?
GABE
Yes, ma’am, but if you’re not-
VIVIAN
(Heads in the wrong direction.)
Drop them. Let’s go.
GABE
(Reluctantly puts down the fish.)
Wagon’s over there.
(He points off stage.)
VIVIAN
A wagon?
GABE
It’s all I got.
VIVIAN
Oh, all right. Here -
(She thrusts the bag at GABE and they exit.)
MUSICIANS repeat chorus as
JACQUES comes out from hiding, picks up the fish and follows them.
Scene Three
MAN & WOMAN
Missouri…misery!
There’s nothing else. (At least it’s free!)
Missouri…misery!
It’s a God-forsaken destiny-
It’s a God-forsaken coun-ter-ree
It’s a God-forsaken place to be!
Scene changes from HOTEL exterior to LUCY TAYLOR’SPLACE. EVENING COLORS set in, music fades as LUCY TAYLOR enters, sits and untangles the trot line as SOUND of an OWL HOOT is heard.
LUCY
Hey there, hooty hoot!
SOUND of WAGON approaching.
GABE
(Off stage, to the mule.)
Whoa there, Babe. That-a-girl. Hello, Mizz. Lucy.
LUCY
Hey, Gabe. Who you got there in that wagon?
GABE
(Off stage.)
This is Mizz. Marks. She’s come from back East, owns the old Harper place.
LUCY
We’ll I’ll be. That’s an awful long way to come for that prime piece of real estate.
VIVIAN
I’m relieved to hear that it is. I’m hoping to sell it.
LUCY
Oh, really?
GABE and VIVIAN enter.
GABE
Mizz. Marks, this here is Lucy Taylor.
LUCY
Pleased to meet you. Always did wish my neighbors would come home.
VIVIAN
The land was left to my late husband by his uncle. I’m tying up the loose ends of his affairs.
LUCY
It’s a loose end all right.
VIVIAN
If you’ll excuse us, I’m anxious to see the property.
LUCY
That won’t take long.
VIVIAN
I’ll be the judge of that. Shall we go?
GABE
We’ll need to walk from here.
VIVIAN
Why?
GABE
It gets mighty wet and I can’t risk my wagon getting stuck.
VIVIAN
How much farther is it?
LUCY
Head to the river and keep on going.
VIVIAN
Into the water?
LUCY
Right into the Mighty Mo.
VIVIAN
How come?
LUCY
Most of that land caved.
VIVIAN
Caved?
GABE
The river took it, most of it anyway.
VIVIAN
What do you mean?
LUCY
Can’t get much plainer than that. The river decided it wanted to go where it hadn’t been in a while. It flooded that bottom and liked it so well, it didn’t go back. Took the house and the barn too.
VIVIAN
That’s impossible? I have the deed!
LUCY
Did you hear that, Gabe? She says she has the deed.
GABE
Too bad that river don’t know how to read.
SONG:WILEY, GUILEY, MIGHTY MO(Tune: Jenny Jenkins)
LUCY
The river is a giant, oh my dear, oh my dear,
The river is a giant, gentle lady;
The river is a giant, it is restless and defiant,
Chorus: It’s the winding, twining, twisty, frisky,
Wiley, guiley, mighty river MO---
Wiley, guiley MO.
The river is a beast, oh my dear, oh my dear,
The river is a beast, gentle lady;
GABE
The river is a beast, on your land it makes a feast,
It’s the…
LUCY
The river’s like a fickle man, oh my dear, oh my dear,
The river’s like a fickle man, gentle lady;
The river’s like a fickle man, here and then he’s gone again,
WILEY, GUILEY, MIGHTY MO (cont.)
LUCY & GABE
It’s the …
GABE
The river’s like a bucking horse, oh my ma’am, yes ma’am,
The river’s like a bucking horse, gentle lady,
The river’s like a bucking horse, twisting, turning changing course,
LUCY & GABE
It’s the…
The river’s like a restless child, oh my dear, oh my dear,
The river’s like a restless child, gentle lady,
The river’s like a restless child, we can forgive herwhen she’s wild,
It’s the…
VIVIAN
When the deed said bottomland I never would have guessed it meant the bottom of the river! Get me out of here!
LUCY
Now, don’t go off half cocked. You’ve still got a nice little sliver of land hanging on both sides of the river. There’s even an Indian mound on it and beside, if you wait long enough the river will most likely put back what she already took.
VIVIAN
I don’t have time to sit around this God forsaken muck hole! Take me to the train.
GABE
No more passenger trains today, ma’am. There will be one in the morning. You’ll have to stay over at the hotel tonight.
VIVIAN
Heaven forbid!
JACQUES
(Enters.)
Excuse me, I believe I can be of assistance here. Mrs. Marks, we meet again.
VIVIAN
How dare you follow me!
JACQUES
Only to assist you in dealing with your property. They mentioned an Indian mound. I’m quite familiar with these mounds and the potential for buried treasure. Shall we take a little ride?
VIVIAN
Maybe, if you’re interested in buying that mound.
JACQUES
Oh, I have a much better idea.
VIVIAN
What do you want?
JACQUES
Mrs. Marks, didn’t they bother to tell you that what’s left of your property is a veritable treasure trove?
VIVIAN
(She looks accusingly at LUCY and GABE.)
No, they did not.
JACQUES
What if I told you that at the end of that thin strip of land you own, up on the bluff could be enough Aztec gold and Injun ar-tee-facts to take care of you for the rest of your life?
VIVIAN
Go on. I’m listening.
JACQUES
All we have to do is a little digging. I’ve got the tools, the time, and the muscle.
LUCY
The one muscle you need is a brain and you don’t have that. There’s no Aztec gold around here.
VIVIAN
If there’s any money that can be made from that property, I’m all for it.
LUCY
He’s talking about a burial mound.
GABE
Lucy, we best be going.
JACQUES
Splendid idea. Smart boy!
VIVIAN
Go on, Mr. Jeanrue
JACQUES
The Indians had a way of burying folks with a good deal of offerings; pottery, tools, jewels, no telling what all well find.
VIVIAN
When could we start?
LUCY
You can’t dig that mound. Those are graves. They don’t belong to you.
VIVIAN
I own that land, what’s left of it anyway and I’ll do with it as I please.
LUCY
But people are buried there.
JACQUES
It’s so old, all their relatives have been dead for years; they don’t care. Besides, we’ll leave the bones. It’s the rest of it we want!
VIVIAN
(To LUCY.)
See? We’ll leave the bones.
LUCY
They’re one and the same. He’s a thief! That’s all he is.
GABE
Lucy. Don’t you got something you need to be doing?
LUCY
Not as important as stopping a couple of grave robbers!
JACQUES
Don’t let her upset you, Mrs. Marks. She’s obviously an injun lover, probably a half breed and a little too emotional, don’t you think? Let’s take a stroll.