A Biblical Perspective of Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
Few things are being as violently attacked in modern society and culture as the sanctity of marriage. People argue based on feeling, selfish desire, and anecdotal evidence that marriage can be defined based upon how a person, a couple, a society, or a government defines it. The basic problem with all of these arguments is that they are not based in the Bible. Man’s authority has replaced God’s authority. This will only lead to societal collapse and destruction because of the fact that marriage was God’s invention, creation, idea, and inauguration. God started it because God knew what would be good for man; thus, He gave him woman and blessed their union.
Marriage has its beginning in Genesis 2:23-24, which says, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Man gets his name from being the made from the dust of the earth. Woman gets her name by the man naming her as the one who came out of man. God made woman for man, of man’s likeness, in the image of God, and for the man. When man and woman are joined in that they commit themselves to one another for life, God joins them, spiritually “gluing” them together to be one flesh. The word literally means to stick to and stick with. Though they each have their own body, mind, soul, and spirit, they are one entity before the Lord. Thus, marriage is based upon the authority of God and the design of God. Society and government should uphold these truths in allowing marriage for man and woman, but marriage is something that happens regardless of society’s sanction when the man and woman commit themselves to one another before God. This should be done publicly with witnesses to verify and declare to others that these two are becoming one. Ideally, parental approval and blessing will have already been sought. But marriage is not the ink on the paper or a Constitutional Amendment, though a society should support marriage. It fundamentally is a commitment before God, and God defines the marriage (Malachi 2:14).
Sex has its own binding effect, which is why married people are expected to regularly engage in it, unless they agree for a time to abstain for the purpose of prayer (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). But sex does join the body and soul to another, though not in a marriage relationship. 1 Corinthians 6:16says, “Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, ‘THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.’” Some people argue that sex defines marriage because it makes the partners one flesh. Yet if that was the case, then that would be like getting married, thus making fornication not really fornication but consummation. Sex outside of marriage gives the intimacy that marriage offers without the staying power and commitment. Sex does not marry two people, but it does join them together with a very serious bond to the extent that it is a unique sin in that it is done against one’s own body (1 Corinthians 6:18). This is why adultery is such a serious offense. It robs both parties of what should be only shared in a marriage relationship, and it leaves some sort of union or bond that is unique to the sexual experience and should only be with one man or woman after the marriage covenant is made. To do otherwise can only further confusion, conflict, and a lack of commitment.
Marriage as God ordained it is to be intimate and unified in all aspects: spiritual, physical, financial, emotional, intellectual, and personal. Two independent people with independent lives commit to function as one, to decide together, and to work together. When one hurts, the other hurts. When one rejoices, the other rejoices. God’s design is for one man and one woman to be joined and become one flesh. There are no other options and no other possibilities.
God joins people and makes marriage have meaning. If God didn’t exist or join spouses together, then marriage would be a human creation and social institution only. God makes marriage matter.
God’s joining is to be permanent. Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, referencing Genesis 2:24, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” This statement from Christ came at a point where the Jewish leaders were trying to trap Him. They asked Him in 19:3, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” The custom of the day and for thousands of years, given the hardness of heart of the nation of Israel, was to divorce almost at will or on a whim. Women were treated as inferior and as property that could be dropped on the street corner at any time if a man decided that he wasn’t pleased with his wife any longer. Jesus responded to them, these Pharisees who studied the Law as a career, by asking them if they had done their homework. He reminds them of the Genesis passage, and then tells them that man is not to separate what God has joined together. The fact of the matter is that no one can undo the marriage bond. The bond is in place until death. Man might separate people by physical location, but the spouses are always married in God’s eyes. God never divorced the nation of Israel (Jeremiah 3), and neither should one spouse divorce another. Malachi says that God hates the putting away of a wife, which is what a writ of divorce accomplished. God’s plan was never for divorce or separation. A geographical, spatial separation and putting away of a wife never is honoring to God.
Some say that Jesus does give one exception. In Matthew 19:7-9, we read, “They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’” The obvious, undeniable thrust of what Christ is saying in verses 7 and 8 is that Moses permitted divorce to keep society from further wrongs and decay. From the beginning, however, God’s plan and desire was never for divorce. Thus, verse 9 must be interpreted in light of this context. Furthermore, in verse 10, the disciples react strongly to what Christ is saying by saying, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” If they could put away their wives if they were immoral, what would be the big deal? Surely, they could handle staying with a faithful woman, even though common practice was to put away even faithful women who they just didn’t like anymore. The reaction from the disciples was so strong because they realized that Christ was saying that marriage is permanent, that it cannot be undone, that divorce was never an option according to God, that it only existed because of man’s rebellion and sin, and that they were to stay faithful to their wives forever and unconditionally. This view from Jesus was extremely different from what the Pharisees had been teaching. Thus, they marveled.
That said, here are three other keys to interpreting this passage correctly. First, we can look at other similar passages. In Matthew 5:32 Jesus says, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Clearly, Jesus does not want a divorced person to remarry, period. This passage is clearer than the one in Matthew 19 in showing that, even in the case of unchastity (which would have left the unfaithful partner dead by stoning), remarriage is not acceptable. Thus, Matthew 19 should be understood in light of this passage. That remarriage is never acceptable after divorce is affirmed also by Luke 16:18 which says, “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.” This is repeated in Mark 10:11-12 which says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Thus, more passages teach that there is no exception clause for remarriage, and a clear case for no remarriage after divorce is reiterated over and over again. In addition, Romans 7:2-3 makes it clear that a man is bound to his wife and a wife to her husband as long as the spouse is alive. It says, “For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.” Thus, when one dies, then the law is obsolete. But while the spouse is alive, any other involvement with another man or woman is adulterous. Thus, the body of Scripture is saying that divorce and remarriage is wrong. Matthew 19 must be interpreted in light of these other passages.
The second key for interpreting Matthew 19 rightly is to see that the phrase “except for immorality” is placed immediately after the qualifier about those who divorce. If Jesus wanted to say that a person could divorce because of immorality and then marry again without commiting adultery, He would have said “whoever divorces his wife and remarries, except in the case of immorality, would be guilty of adultery.” But He didn’t. Thus, we can sensibly interpret that Jesus is saying that divorce and remarriage is not acceptable in any case. Then why have an exception clause, so to speak? This brings us to the third key. The Pharisees were testing Jesus to see if He would get the Law right. The Law said that any woman caught in adultery must be stoned to death. Thus, according to Old Testament Law, if a person was immoral, then divorce would be irrelevant because the person would be dead. Thus, He said, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality.” Why? Because the immoral woman would be dead, having been “put away” by stoning. That was the only time that a separation was allowable. Adultery was the only time under the Law that man was allowed to separate what God had joined together. And the separation was death. No other divorce was allowable. In the New Testament, Jesus instituted grace and forgiveness for those caught in adultery, and they are to sin no more (John 8:11). But in this context, the Pharisees would have jumped at this if He had ignored that element. Thus, Jesus made it clear that immorality, adultery, and divorce all have serious penalties before God. The exception clause is to show the Pharisees that Jesus understood that it is pointless to issue a writ of divorce for an adulterer because he or she would be dead by stoning. They had to be “put away” into death (Leviticus 20:10). Some say that Jesus is saying that a person can temporarily put away his wife if she has been immoral so that she has time to adjust to returning home. Yet we are not supposed to let the sun go down on our anger. The best thing to do is to receive the penitent sinner immediately. Grace must be given immediately and received immediately. Any other separation is harmful, and I don’t believe Jesus is condoning that here or anywhere.
Is this vein of thinking, that divorce and remarriage is always wrong, seen in other Scriptures as well? Yes. Are there any contradictory Scriptures? No, but there are some that are, at first glance, difficult to resolve. Let’s first consider 1 Corinthians 7. Verses 8-9 read: “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Paul is saying that it is good to be single or to remain widowed, but marriage is the better option is a person is burning with desire for another potential spouse. What about those who are already married, not single or widowed? Verses 10-11 say, “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.” Thus, a single or widowed person who is burning with passion has the option of marriage. The married person does not, for he or she must only burn with passion for his or her spouse. This reinforces what Christ said that the wife should not ever leave her husband, and the husband must not divorce his wife. (Divorce and “put away” are really the same in that the marriage bond can never be dissolved before God. Thus, regardless of the legal implications, divorce and separation and equally wrong.) Paul clearly says that if a spouse, namely the wife in this case, does leave, that she cannot marry another. Of course, she is not supposed to leave, as he just said, but if she did sin in this way she must stay single or she will complicate the problems. Remarriage after separation or divorce is not right, plain and simple. Verses 12-13 continue: “But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.” Here we have a situation where one spouse is saved and the other is not. They are unequally yoked, which was a sin. Yet should this marriage have happened and if the unbelieving partner wants to stay with the believer, the believing spouse must not divorce the other or put them away. This is not saying that divorce is an option, say, should the unbelieving spouse leave or become adulterous. Paul is simply saying not to divorce just because the other party is unbelieving. This interpretation squares with the verses just prior to it when he says that divorce is never an option. The passage continues in verses 14-16, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” In contrast to what happened in the Old Testament where the unbelieving wives were put away, Paul is saying that both parties are sanctified through the one believing spouse. In other words, there is no need to fear raising children if there is one unbelieving spouse. The children can be saved. Thus, even using children is not an excuse for divorce. “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” This is the controversial part because it speaks of not being under bondage if the unbelieving partner sinfully leaves and walks out on the marriage. Paul’s message is not that the believer is not free to remarry. Marriage is permanent. He is merely saying that the believer is not under bondage to force this spouse to stay with them. This is the only reasonable interpretation given two reasons. First, he says that we are called to peace. To force the person against their will to stay would be not doing what we can to leave at peace with others. Thus, God says that we can let them go and live out their sin as sinners do. Secondly, we know that this is not a license to remarry because Paul follows this up by saying that we never know if we will yet save our spouse. Thus, the goal is that the believing spouse prays and waits and interacts lovingly and as a godly example as he or she is able. Just maybe, God may bring that spouse back to them. Such is the goal. The bondage that Paul refers to is not a bondage of marriage. It is a bondage to fulfilling conjugal rights, as verse three of 1 Corinthians 7 speaks of. When an unbelieving spouse leaves, the believing spouse can freely let them go, not having to worry about doing the things that a godly spouse is supposed to do, other than pray for their salvation and repentance, of course.