Adam Seaton

The White Stripes

Large Changes: A source, venue, scene, chunks of information, anything that moves or disappears. From the first draft to the third, what changes/disappears?

Micro Level changes: 2-3 spots where sentence structure, syntax, imagery changes. @ language level ?

What makes the final draft better than the first two drafts?

  1. Major (Macro) changes
  2. Goes from ignoring the ex-spouse aspect entirely to something that’s talking about them as ex-husband and wife
  3. Takes out statements that lead directly to conclusions and instead allows listener to talk about them at their own.
  4. The section of listening to the fans was added; limiting the amount people discussed at one time so more could fit in, and keep your attention.
  5. Talks more about style than the first draft.
  6. Movement of songs from beginning to the end
  7. Cuts each quote, and adds in more small pieces,
  8. Removes questions from the third draft
  9. Insertion about the fans.
  10. Micro Level
  11. Draft 1-Draft 3
  12. Switch from “very much” the band’s spokesperson, to “reluctantly”
  13. Whitney introduces the “confusingness” on the first page differently, switching from a simple comment about garage rock to a specific reference (Freddy Mercury to Muddy Waters) in order to appeal better to audio, sounding less stiff and relaxed
  14. Changes from simply stating “finding out requires a deeper look.” To asking a question “Are they as innocent as they seem?”
  15. Switch to a more informal language when discussing band’s genesis. She stops talking about mythology and accomplished musicians, and uses the word “accidental” which highlights the uncertainty and strangeness in the band itself.
  16. Change towards the end: editing the paragraph when talking about the “innocent childlike pair:” instead of trying to set up a detailed image, she says they follow their own rules.
  17. Draft 3- Final
  18. From “home run in the music business” to “showed us why it’s called rock city.
  19. Switch from equality of white stripes and Eminem to white stripes as the underdogs.
  20. “they’re taking their own road” versus “have experienced a truly unexpected amount of respect” Active phrasing versus passive phrasing.
  21. Jack “Isn’t sure how all this happened” from “Never admits to having had grand ambitions”
  22. Moves indication of location of performance to second page, and changes concert experience to past tense, in order to account for location changes
  23. Gets rid of point iii and point ii from 1à 3 entirely.
  24. Cuts out the phrase “allegedly his sister”

Madalyn, Iris, Adam

·  FINAL FIVE

1; Goes from ignoring the ex-spouse aspect entirely to something that’s talking about them as ex-husband and wife

2: Takes out statements that lead directly to conclusions and instead allows listener to talk about them at their own.

3: Cutting up the essay into very small, easily digestible bits

4:Language changes to reflect the amount of control the band has had over its own path

5.Loss of thesis.

·  Thesis Shift: in the first, she plays with the idea of genre, and tries to tell one what they are. In the final, she abandons the attempt to categorize them.

·  Physical descriptions as opposed to descriptions of ideas

·  Addition of more credible sources.

·  Transition from a fan piece to an actual article on the band

·  Metaphor change to go more in line with music as a whole.

·  Transition from “her story” to “the Bands’ story”