This Is The Original Eagles Paragraph

Writing

Effective Openings

Powerful Closings

for

Expository & Persuasive Essays

Phyllis Hostmeyer

Opening paragraphs: Students need to move beyond writing those formulaic mapping or preview paragraphs that they use for expository and persuasive essays. But there are some advantages to teaching students how to write those. 1) The preview paragraph helps students to organize their thoughts 2) The preview paragraph helps students to stay focused 3) The preview paragraph gets students writing quickly. They will not waste time trying to get started on their essays. Here’s a method I use to teach students how to write a mapping paragraph.

1. Have each student give you ten sets of general to specific topics. Model some first. For example:

a. Dogs: French poodle – German Shephard

b. Candy: M&Ms - Snickers

c. Benefits from Trees: medicines - oxygen

d. Advantages of living in town: close to stores – close to friends

2. Students will now give you 10 examples of general – specific terms

3. Model for students how to take those sets and turn each one into a mapping paragraph. For example:

a. I like two dogs more than any other. First, I like French Poodles because they make excellent hunting dogs. Second, the German Shephard fascinates me because of the impressive work it does on police forces around the country.

b. After school I need a quick snack to give me energy. First, I like M&Ms whether they are plain or peanut. I also like an ooey gooey Snickers loaded with nuts and caramel to give me a boost.

4. Students now take the ten sets of general to specific terms that they have listed and write ten very simple preview openings. Preview openings will have three sentences. One sentence for the general term, and one sentence for each of the specific terms they have listed.

5. Now model how to turn the preview opening into an expository essay.

6. Students now select one of their preview openings and write an expository essay. Once they essay is perfected – revised, edited, and polished, the students will return to the preview opening and write a new catchy opening. The following pages will demonstrate several ways that students can rewrite the preview openings.

The middle paragraphs of the eagle essay have been revised and edited, but no work has been done yet on the opening and the closing.

EAGLES

I know three reasons why eagles are endangered. First, eagles are large birds that need large areas to live a healthy life. Second, humans have done many things that pollute the environment where eagles live. Finally, humans who want to see eagles up close have disturbed eagles’ nests.

We admire the size of some eagles, but that size can also be a real problem. To begin, because of their large size, eagles need large areas for hunting. When people destroy forests or take land to build on, the eagles suffer because they lose some of their hunting ground. In addition, eagles need to live near mature forests with a variety of dead coniferous trees. These mature forests have trees strong enough to support their nests. Eagles' nests stretch two to three meters in diameter and can weigh up to one ton. In other words, when we destroy forests, we destroy eagles nesting spots too.

Yes, we admire the way eagles fly and hunt, but humans have created huge problems for the majestic bird. First, use of pesticides on crops hurts the eagle. Eagle egg shells become thin and fragile because of pesticides used on crops. This thinning often causes the eggs to break during incubation. In addition, poisons used to kill insects on crops also poison the eagles’ food source. The eagles eat the poisoned insects and the poison enters their system to travel up the food chain. Finally, factories that pump pollutants into the air have contaminated waterways and food sources. As the eagles feed and drink, the pollutants enter their systems.

It is sad to say that even the beauty of eagles creates danger for them. Sometimes thoughtless people, who want to see these beautiful creatures, disturb them while they nest. These intrusions cause the eagles to flee their nests and leave their eggs to grow cold. They will not hatch then. Since eagles only lay one to three eggs each spring, every egg must be protected from nosy intruding humans.

We know what needs to be done to help eagles survive. We need to stop polluting and destroying their environment. We must also stay away from eagles’ nests so that their eggs can hatch safely. The eagle, our national emblem, deserves our protection.

This is the next draft of the Eagles Essay with an improved opening paragraph. Students then worked in teams of three to create new openings and closings. Each team created one new opening and closing. The students put their new openings on transparencies so that they could be shared with the entire classroom. See pages 5 – 7 for the new openings for the Eagle Essay.

EAGLES

The future of eagles and the future of people are tied together. Strange as it may seem, the things we admire most about eagles are some of the same things that make them so vulnerable and easy to hurt. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, and incredible beauty – these admirable qualities have put the eagle at risk.

Scientists are working hard to show us what eagles need to survive, but we must cooperate. We must work to prevent poisoning or destruction of hunting grounds. We must strive to leave enough wild places for eagles to build nests and hatch eggs undisturbed. Please help protect our national emblem.

Types of Openings

Statement of Fact

In 1782 Congress chose the American bald eagle as the emblem of the United States. On the national seal the bird is shown with its wings spread, holding an olive branch in one claw and arrows in the other. Strange as it may seem, those traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have put the eagle at risk.

Figurative Language – Metaphor

American Bald Eagles, the aristocrats of the air, need our help. Strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Figurative Language – Simile

As I looked at the soaring eagle, I admired the tawny feathers shining like spun gold. I thought about how horrible it would be to lose this beautiful creature. But I realized that, strange as it may seem, the traits that I admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Figurative Language – Onomatopoeia

One quiet whoosh and the long powerful wings of the eagle lifted it into the air. I stood along the banks of the Mississippi and admired this magnificent bird. I thought to myself, strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Figurative Language – Personification

The soaring eagles danced on a platform of wind as they reached for the sun. I admired these heavenly ballerinas and wondered about their future. Strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Figurative Language – Alliteration

The words pride, power, peace, and patriotism all come to mind when I think about our national symbol, the bald eagle. But strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Bold Statement

Americans must examine their habits and change ways that are causing fatal harm to the eagle. Our national emblem needs our help. The traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Open with a Definition

Eagles are birds of prey noted for their strength, keen vision, and size. Strange as it may seem, these and other traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Open with a Personal Definition

My dad defines the eagle as a symbol of America. I define the eagle as a special gift that brings us hopes, dreams, and pride. I don’t want to lose this special gift that gives our country so much. But strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Definition Format

My dad defines a _______________ as a _______________ . I define a ____________ as a ______________ .

Open with a Question

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to soar high above the clouds in a sky of crystal blue? As I stood along the banks of the Mississippi and watched the eagles circling, I imagined myself able to soar with them. Then I realized that the traits that I admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Open with a Question – sample 2

Did you know that as many as 75,000 nesting Bald Eagles lived in the United States when the bird was adopted as our national symbol in 1782? Did you know that by 1960 fewer than 450 bald eagles remained? Strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Open with a Quote

Noticing the grace and beauty of the eagle, John Keats wrote, “Eagles may seem to sleep wing-wide upon the air.” We all recognize the great beauty and power of the eagle. But strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Personal Quote

When I received my Eagle Scout badge, my uncle said, “The eagle represents America’s strength, and freedom, and the courage of the people who work to make America great. Wear that badge proudly and always remember what it stands for.” Now that I am an Eagle Scout, I feel a strong connection to the eagle and want to protect it. But strange as it may seem, the traits that we admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. Incredible size, flying and hunting skills, breath-taking beauty – these traits have endangered our national symbol.

Open with a Setting

I stood along the banks of the Mississippi near Grafton, Illinois, and watched the eagles high above me floating on pillows of air. I marveled that the traits that I admire most about eagles are also the traits that make them vulnerable. How could it be that their traits - incredible size, flying and hunting skills, and breath-taking beauty - have endangered our national symbol?

PLEASE WRITE A NEW OPENING FOR ONE OF THE SAMPLE ESSAYS: PUPPY, BEING TALL, or SIX FLAGS

Statement of Fact: _________________________________________________

Metaphor: ________________________________________________________

Simile: __________________________________________________________