Support Group Transcript
Support Group, Meeting 1: Beginning
1. Valerie / Well, hi everybody! I am so glad to see you. Umm…You must have seen the poster that was hanging up in the community center that said that we were thinking about starting a group and wanted to see if there was any interest, and I am the person who generally works with groups here at the center. I like working with groups, so I am really excited about this, and I think it was gutsy for all of you to come. You do not know me or what’s going to happen. So today we’re just going to talk a little, get acquainted a little bit, and talk about what kind of group we want this to be. This is your group. We said on the flyer that this is a group for moms who have little kids and rarely get a break. It’s pretty tiring and exhausting. So we thought maybe this is a service that we could offer.The kids are all next door in the child care room. That’s a bigger room.
So we got the smaller room, but it’s big enough for us I think.
So any questions just as we begin?
Christy / I am so glad that you have this group. I never have anyone to talk to, no one.
2. Valerie / Well neat.
Christy / Aren’t you guys glad?
Several Group Members / Mmmmmmm
3. Valerie / Well, you know for the first group, folks are kinda unsure. It is neat to talk to people. I like that and I’m glad that you do, too, but we don’t know each other, and so it takes a little while just to get acquainted and begin to feel comfortable. Some of you are probably even deciding if you want to be in this group or not. But at least you have the guts to come the first time and try it out.
Karen / Now you said this was a mom’s group. I’m a grandma, and I’m raising my grandkids. Do I …is that ok that I come to this group?
4. Valerie / Yes! Well, it’s for people who are raising kids, and you’re sure doing that, right?
Karen / Yeah.
5. Valerie / All right, we’re going to meet for an hour here in this room and if we decide to continue, we’ll continue meeting for an hour in this room, all right?
So let’s do some getting acquainted. You know my name is Valerie Chang. You saw that on the flier. Personally, I prefer first names. You can decide if you don’t prefer first names. If you’d rather that I use your last name, you can let me know, but you’re welcome to call me “Valerie” or even “Val.” A lotta people call me “Val.”
So, I want us to do a “get acquainted” exercise. It’s pretty easy.
I can see you look a little doubtful.
I know you don’t know each other. So there’s two things you’re going to do. First, you’re going to make your own name tag, ok? And we have some magic markers, and I’ve got one, too. And then I want the three people over here to talk together. And then I want you three to talk together. Just find out first names so you can introduce one another and share something about what you hope to get out of this group.
Maybe you’re not sure, but if the group went well, what would you want to get out of it?
Okay, does that sound all right to everybody?
Christy / I’m ready!
6. Valerie / All right, grab your colors. Guess I’m left with brown.
In the next few minutes, group members talk together.
7. Valerie / You guys ready? You guys ready?
All right just to break the ice, I’ll start. You know my name, Valerie. Um… and what I hope to get out of this group is excitement and energy. You know, I really like being in groups, and it’s fun for me, and I like seeing people blossom and learn new things in groups. So I am expecting this will be fun.
Who wants to go next?
Christy / I will! Christy and I met Karen and Justine. And, um, Karen wants to get out a lot because she has kids at home, and she doesn’t get to get out much. She’s feeling really tired.
8. Valerie / How many kids are you raising, Karen?
Karen / Um, four. A two and a three and the twins are five.
9. Valerie / Ooh, wow, that’s a big job!
Karen / Yeah, I’m really glad that it’s a school year. They started kindergarten so they’re—the 5-year-olds are at least gone a half day, so that helps a little bit.
10. Valerie / Yeah, that’s a big job and you’ve already raised kids once, right?
Karen / Probably not so well though, or I wouldn’t be raising the second set.
11. Valerie / You want to say more about that?
Okay…now….
Karen / Oh, um this is Justine and she has twins, too.
12 . Valerie / Oh – how about that?
Justine / Lots of fun.
Karen / She says she’s really tired, too. What did you want out of this?
Justine / Oh, I just want to make some friends maybe so we can go out with our kids who are, you know, the same age. Have someone to hang out with ‘cause all my friends do not have kids, you know?
13. Valerie / Okay, which one of you guys wants to start?
Misha / Well, I guess I can. My name is Misha, and uh, we saw the flier, Gina and I did, and we thought it would be kinda good to come see what this was all about, and I have two boys. The oldest one is 10 and he is really helpful. But the younger one is 6, and he is kind of…he is just what you call, “all boy.” He gets into trouble a lot. He doesn’t really mind. And I’m just tired and I don’t…I’m frustrated and I don’t know what to do with these kids. My husband’s gone a lot, and I try to work extra shifts at Gas America. So…here I am. And I brought my friend, Gina, today.
14. Valerie / Which one of you guys would like to be next?
Gina / Go ahead.
Lynn / My name is Lynn. I am here to see what I can learn more about doing in my community, I guess. I originally came from Belize. I’m just here to help out my aunt. She has four boys. So I came here probably about 6 years ago to help her out. But during that time I kinda met a guy. So I have a five-year-old of my own.
Gina / Well, like Misha said, I’m Gina and I really didn’t want to come today. She dragged me here. I’ve got a 6-year-old son. Our sons are friends, and I have a 2-year-old daughter. Neither one of their fathers are around. And I work the night shift at the truck stop.
15. Valerie / Well, I’m glad that all of you are here. And Gina, I’m glad that you were willing to give it a try. We realize that you are kind of unsure, and whatever you decide will be okay with us…anyhow, ok with me.
All right, so everybody knows a little bit about everybody else, and we’ll get better acquainted as you feel more comfortable talking and sharing, all right?
Now, one of the things that is important with groups in the beginning is to decide on rules…just so we know kind of what to expect from each other. So some rules that some groups sometimes have…I’ll just give you some ideas, and then we’ll talk together about how we want it to be. Sometimes groups decide…well, we might when we get acquainted talk about some things that we wouldn’t want anyone else to hear, that we would want to stay confidential in this room. And if Justine decides to say something, she could tell whoever she wanted but she might not want Gina to say something about her.
Several Group Members / Yeah.
16. Valerie / So that’s a confidentiality rule that what you hear in here stays in here. It doesn’t become a sort of gossip in the neighborhood. Because you guys all live in this neighborhood.
Does that sound like a rule that people are comfortable with?
Christy / How do I know that they’re not going to talk about it? Because I want to talk, but I don’t want them telling people what I say.
17. Valerie / Well, I guess you only know if you can trust them if they don’t say anything.
Misha / I don’t go around talking about other people’s business, and I can tell you Gina doesn’t do that either.
Christy / She doesn’t even talk.
18. Valerie / Well, she might talk more. It’s, you know, lots of times when you’re chatting with friends over coffee, then you might go to another friend and say what you heard. But this is a special kind of a thing where we really want to be supportive to each other. So then you got to be open to be able to say whatever you want to say. So it’s an important decision whether you think that it will be all right that whatever happens here just stays in this room.
Karen / I like that idea.
Several Group Members / Yeah.
Gina / I do too.
19. Valerie / Okay, so let’s write down our rules.
Somebody want to be the writer? I brought a clipboard.
Lynn / I could.
20. Valerie / Okay, and once we got it all figured out, I’ll make copies and bring them next week. So that’s the first thing.
Lynn / Do you have another pen?
21. Valerie / Yeah, I’ve got other pens, but you are welcome to use that one.
So that rule we’ll just call “confidentiality.” What’s said in this room stays in this room. Now, one of the things that I should let you know about is that as a professional in this agency, there are a couple of times when I would have to break confidentiality. And I want everything to be upfront. So I want to tell you about those things. So if I heard that you were hurting somebody, you know, that if one of you were beating up your kids or hurting your kids in some serious way, I’m required by law to report that. If I hear that you were thinking about hurting anybody, “I’m so mad. I could just kill that person,” we would talk about it, and if I really thought you might do it, I would be required to report that. Or, you know, you guys all have stressful lives, and if I thought that you were going to kill yourself or seriously hurt yourself, I would have to report that. So those are the times when I’m not, by law, allowed to keep any confidentiality.
Any questions about that?
Lynn / How would we know you’re breaking that?
22. Valerie / I would tell you.
Lynn / Okay.
23. Valerie / So if I heard something that I thought I might have to tell somebody, we would talk about it. And if I thought that it really was serious, I would say that…let’s say that somebody was beating up their child, I would say, “You know, I think you need more help than this group. Let’s call the people at Child Protection and maybe they can help you find other ways to discipline.” And we might even call together. I wouldn’t just sneak off and call. I would tell you. I don’t think that’s going to happen, but I need to let you know upfront that that’s how things go.
Now, you know from the flier that there isn’t any cost for this group. This is a benefit of the agency. We’re kind of trying this out as something that might be helpful in our community. So you won’t have any costs at all.
Now another rule that we might want to think about is whether people ought to call if they can’t come. If they told us they are coming and then they can’t come, should they call the agency and let us know? Does everybody have access to a phone?
Several Group Members / Mmm-hmm.
24. Valerie / So, what do you think about that?
Justine / Well, I guess that would be nice so we know if they are coming or not, and if they are running late we could, you know, wait until they come here.
25. Valerie / Does that seem all right to everybody else?
Christy / Yeah.
26. Valerie / Another thing that groups sometimes talk about is whether it’s an open group, meaning that more people could come in. So, maybe next week someone else would decide to join us. Or it’s a closed group, meaning it’s us and that’s it.
The plan was that I would work with you for 8 weeks and at the end of 8t weeks you can decide something different, but in this 8 weeks, would we want to let anybody else in?
Several Group Members / No.
Christy / (Sigh) You guys, the more people the better.
Karen / Well, I’m not feeling very comfortable right now.
Christy / It’s more people to talk to.
Justine / And with confidentiality?
Misha / (turning to Gina) And if you’re not coming back, I’m not sure I am going to.
Gina / Well, if more people are going to be allowed to come in, I’m not coming back.
27. Valerie / Tell me a little bit more about your thoughts Christy.
Christy / I just…the more people that can come the better. The more people that we have to talk to, and the more people I will know, and when I’m walking around the apartments I might see somebody, and I’d be able to talk to them, and they could maybe stop by and see me sometime during the day when I’m there all alone, and it would be so much better.
28. Valerie / Okay, so I hear that one of the things that you want out of this group is more people to talk to and to know and to feel close to.
Christy / Yes.
29. Valerie / And if the group was bigger that might be easier for you. But everybody else feels more comfortable with the group just staying this size.
Let me tell you what might be a benefit to you….
Christy / Do you have a friendly group here that’s meeting besides this group?
30. Valerie / Uh, a “just to get acquainted” group?
There’s lots of activities here, classes. You might want to consider something like that.
Christy / No one in this group seems very friendly.
31. Valerie / They aren’t, huh?
Well, you could try it though, because sometimes when you take a class you meet people.
But if we just stay a closed group, then you’re going to get to know these people better, and gradually what happens in most groups is people start feeling more comfortable talking, and they get closer to each other. So I kind of think it’s nice to have people that you really feel comfortable with rather than a whole bunch of people that you kinda say, “Hi, how are you?” and don’t know you. This might end up working for you.
Christy / That makes sense.
32. Valerie / So this might end up working well for you.
But it sounds like the majority is much more comfortable with it being a closed group for this 8 weeks.
Karen / And you said in 8 weeks we could change if we wanted to, right? So if we didn’t like it, we could change it.
33. Valerie / Right, we’ll re-evaluate at the end of 8 weeks and decide what will happen next, and you certainly can add more people and decide whatever you want to do.