Pre-Dinner Conversation Starter

Hee Haw Event

______________________________

Remember Buck Owens, Minnie Pearl, and Roy Clark? The “Hee Haw generation” grew up with these characters as household names. The Hee Haw TV series lasted for twenty years and gave us some hilarious laughs. Combine that with a bluegrass band and the activities below and this will be a fun evening!

Pre-dinner Conversation Starter:

“Hee Haw Have at It” (see following pages 5-6).

Decorations:

Go with a farm theme. Companies like Stumps or Oriental trading have farm scenes all ready to purchase. Have some hay bales placed around. A red and white bandana can be placed under the centerpiece, with vegetable cans with plastic daises or black-eyed Susans placed inside. For other table decorations try plastic barnyard animals, unopened canned corn, beans, and hominy (which will be gifts at the end of the night) or straw/farmer hats. Print Hee Haw images and scatter around the table (downloadable from Google or Bing images — but be sure to watch for trademark, registration or copyright information that may restrict the image usage).

Quote for the Month/Event:

“The reason some people don’t recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work.” Thomas Edison

Joke/Story:

1. City slicker: “Look at that bunch of cows.”

Farmer: “Not bunch … herd.”

City slicker: “Heard what?”

Farmer: “Herd of cows.”

City slicker: “Sure I’ve heard of cows.”

Farmer: “No, a cow herd.”

City slicker: “Why should I care what a cow heard? I’ve got no secrets from a cow.”

2. An old shabby-looking tramp knocked at a farmer’s door and asked for some food. “Are you a Christian?” asked the farmer. “Of course,” said the tramp. “Can’t you tell? Just look at the knees of my pants. Don’t they prove it to you?” The farmer and his wife immediately noticed the holes in the knees and promptly gave the man some food. As the tramp turned to go the farmer asked, “By the way, what made those holes in the seat of your pants?” “Backsliding,” said the tramp.

3. As long as there have been farmers, there has been the dilemma of whether to be in church on Sunday or to make hay while the sun shines. Here is the story of a farmer who spent Sunday morning trying to get hay in ahead of the rain. As he came down the road with a full load, he met the preacher, who looked at him reproachfully. “Reverend,” the farmer explained, “It’s better to be sitting on this hay thinking about God than sitting in church thinking about hay.” The preacher had to agree!

4. There’s a story told about a lone cowboy who went to an evening service at a little country church up in Montana. There was a snowstorm and the only two people who showed up were the preacher and the cowboy. They waited and waited. Finally the preacher said, “Well, I guess we might as well go on home, it doesn’t look like anyone else is going to show up.” The cowboy responded, “Now preacher, when I go out to feed cattle, and only one cow shows up, I still feed her!” The preacher said “Okay,” and proceeded to preach an hour-long sermon. After it was over the cowboy said, “Preacher, that was a good sermon, but you know, when I feed cattle, and only one cow shows up, I don’t give her the whole load!”

Game/Activities:

1. Contest: Advertise in advance: have people dress up like the Hee Haw characters. Give prizes out for the best Minnie Pearl and Grandpa Jones look-a-likes!

2. Special Performance: “Blow in the Jug” song – have some people from the audience play the jugs and spoons to the tune of “Oh Susanna.” (Hopefully an antique shop will have a few jugs to loan in exchange for advertisement).

3. Do a game together as a table game or individually (with prizes for the first to finish). For “Farming Terminology” (see following pages 7-8).

Video/YouTube Clip:

www.TV.com has full-length episodes of the Hee Haw TV show which can be shown (one or two episodes) with a break in between. YouTube has some short clips as well that can be shown. This will be the most fun part of this evening so include as many shows/clips as you have time for. Be sure to include:

1. “Pickin’ & Grinin’”

2. “Phht You Were Gone”

3. “Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me”

4. Hee Haw group singing “I’ll Fly Away”

Reading:

1. “Where Oh Where, Are You Tonight?”

Most will remember the chorus: (Let’s try it together)

Where oh where are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over,

And thought I found true love.

You met another and

Phht! You were gone.

For the complete words to the song… (see following pages 9-10).

2. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a “hissy fit” and a “conniption,” and that you don't “have” them, so much as you “pitch” them. Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a “mess.” A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.” A true Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in “Going to town, be back directly.” Even true Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All true Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana “puddin’.”) True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They know that “just down the road” can be one mile or twenty. True Southerners know that “fixin’” can be used both as a noun, verb, and adverb. True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do “queues,” we do “lines.” And when we’re in line, we talk to everybody. Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, if only by marriage. True Southerners never refer to one person as “y’all.” True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs; bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food. Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened; “sweet milk” means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway. You say, “Bless her heart” and go your way.

Scripture for the Month: (Can put in newsletter to encourage memorization)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22–23).

Hee Haw Have at It

1. Samuel B. Sternwheeler after giving his recitations was always hit over the head with a ___________________.

2. Name the radio station name __________.

3. The name of the lady who owned the truck stop/greasy spoon ______________.

4. Finish the song:

“Where, oh where ______________________? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched ________________, and thought I’d found true love, you met another and PFFT! ________________________.”

5. In the Hee Haw Amateur Minute what five animated animals would boo?

A duck, a sheep, a pig, a chicken, and a ________.

6. The musical interludes with Owens and Clark were called: ________________ and grinnin’.

7. Junior Samples used car business was called _______________.

8. This “gloom and despair” popular sketch goes:

“Gloom, despair, and agony on me-e! _____________________________, excessive misery-y! If it weren’t for bad luck, ________________________________. Gloom, despair, and agony on me-e!”

9. In the moonshiners sketch, the lethargic hillbillies along with scantily dressed girls in the background were accompanied by their faithful hound. What was his name? _______________________

10. What was Minnie Pearl’s profession on the show? _______________________

11. Doc Campbell had quite a nurse. What was her name? Nurse ______________

12. Roy Clark was the head desk clerk at this famous hotel named ______________________.

13. ______________________________? was the question always asked of Grandpa Jones.

Hee Haw Have at It: Answers

1. chicken

2. KORN

3. Lulu

4. are you tonight, the world over, you were gone.

5. goat

6. Pickin

7. Sample Sales

8. Deep dark depression, I’d have no luck at all,

9. Beauregard

10. a teacher

11. Goodbody

12. The Empty Arms Hotel

13. “Hey Grandpa! What’s for supper?”

Farming Terminology

1. A unit of measure, traditionally the amount one man and two oxen could plough in a day.

2. What was butter made in?

3. A Holstein's spots are like fingerprints -- no two cows have the same pattern of spots. True or False?

4. The complete shearing of a sheep, with the wool remaining in once piece, is called a __________.

5. Land left without a crop for one or more years. A very basic way to improve the soil.

6. What was a house made of earth called?

7. An evergreen hardwood tree noted for its use in making longbows.

8. Before indoor plumbing, these were used as bathrooms.

9. What was the traditional soap used for clothes and people?

10. An animal purposefully bred without horns. (Usually cattle)

11. What was the traditional kind of western dancing?

12. Goat's eyes have rectangular pupils. True or False?

13. What was it called when the locals gathered together to build a barn?

14. Put on field to neutralize acidity.

15. A young female cow of over 12 months, which may or may not have had a calf.

16. Where was the cool place where the food supplies were kept?

17. An old volume measure of cereals, grains or corn.

Farming Terminology: Answers

1. Acre

2. Churn

3. True

4. Fleece

5. Fallow

6. A sod-house or “soddie”

7. Yew

8. Outhouses

9. Lye

10. Polled

11. Square Dancing

12. True

13. Barn raising

14. Lime

15. Heifer

16. Root Cellar

17. Bushel

“Where, Oh Where, Are you Tonight?”

Sung by Archie Campbell and Buck Owens

(Sung to the tune of the chorus)

“Down here on the farm, the weather gets messy

Laying around with nothin’ to do

When you went away, you took my cow Bessie

I miss her, darling, more than I miss you.

You took off your leg, your wig, and your eye glass

And you should’ve seen the look on my face.

I wanted to kiss, I wanted to hug you

But you were scattered all over the place.

Chorus:

Where, where are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over,

And thought I found true love.

You met another and

Phht! You were gone.

I know that you loved me, here’s my way of knowing.

The proof’s hanging out, right there on the line

When I see the snow and feel the wind blowing

Your nighties hugging them long johns of mine.

The noises you made at our supper table

Your habits, my dear, were surely absurd.

But how many times do I have to tell you

Soup is a dish to be seen and not heard.

Chorus:

Where, oh where, are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over,

And thought I found true love.

You met another and

Phht! You were gone.

Remember you phoned me a-sobbin’ and cryin’

The dog bit your maw, and drug her around

You said she looked pale and thought she was dying

I said “Don’t worry; I’ll buy a new hound.”

I had six kids and you had eleven

And we had a boy, and they grew like flowers

I wish you’d come back, without you ain’t heaven

Cause your kids and my kids are beatin’ up ours.

Chorus:

Where, oh where, are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all alone?

I searched the world over,

And thought I found true love.

You met another and

Phht! You were gone.

I searched the world over,

And thought I found true love.

You met another and

Phht! You were gone.”

ISBN 978-0-9964347-0-6

Copyright © by Lisa C. Deutsch 2015. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced (with the exception of the handouts), stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without the prior permission of the copyright holder, except as provided by USA copyright law.

Cover design by Posy Creative: www.posycreative.com

Illustrations provided by Open Clip Art: www.openclipart.org

Scripture quotations are taken from:

This is a compilation of ideas, stories, jokes, and activities collected from numerous sources over many years. Any use of original material that is unauthorized is unintentional. Unless otherwise attributed, the origin and authorship of jokes, stories, and poems is unknown and assumed to be in the public domain. Credit is given to as many original sources as are known.