Mrs. Blackmer

English 12, Per. 5

Fall 2015

College Application: The Personal Statement

You plan to go off to college in about 12 months, right? But where? And how are you going to choose?

I.  First: what kind of college do you plan to attend? SRJC? CSU? UC? Private? Trade School? The answer to this question will determine how you write your personal statement. In your journal, take a moment to answer this question. Which schools are you interested in? Will you attend the JC first and then UC? What careers or majors are you interested in? Do you want to be trained and ready to start work in your field when you graduate from college, or do you want a general, broader degree that could be used for any number of jobs with more training? In your journal, answer all the above questions. (in class Mo 8/31).

II.  Start at the beginning: How do you see yourself?

A.  Write you own response to the question. First, take a look at what your classmate wrote about you in the classmate sales pitch. Others often have a clearer view of who you are than you do. Then consider the following: formative experiences, influential people in your life, family dynamics, socioeconomic background, cultural background and the expectations that come with it, opportunities both seized and missed, and choices made. In a well-organized autobiographical essay, cover the important points your classmate covered plus everything you consider important from the list above. Conclude with the qualities you have that you believe are your greatest assets. (MLA format, two pages minimum). In class, you will read your essay to your three group members for feedback on Fr 9/4. The group writer will write a summary of the feedback on the review sheet, which you will attach to your response essay.

B.  Get stamped: “How Do I See Myself?” essay, three peer review sheets on Fr 9/4 (25+15 pts.).

III. Ask others: The Interviews: How do others see you?

A.  Ask three people who know you well, preferably people who have known you all of your conscious life, to tell you what they think your greatest assets, experiences, influential people, and cultural and socio-ethnic influences have been. Ideally, you should interview one parent, one friend, and one adult who has mentored you in some way. You will need at least 10 questions to ask based on the list of topics above, including such things as: What is your strongest asset?, What memory do they remember most clearly about you?, What is the nicest/worst thing you ever did for/to them?, What career do they think you will choose?, etc. Also ask questions like: What object or animal do you remind them of? What color do they associate with you and why? Where do they see you in ten years? Another good one is: What career path or future do they see for you?

B.  Type up the questions and the responses from each interview. Get stamped: We 9/9 (10+15 pts.).

C.  Write up a two-page (MLA) summary of what you found out. What common threads do you see? What surprised you? What do you disagree with? How was your initial view of yourself surprisingly different from theirs? etc. Make connections between their responses. It should thoroughly summarize how others see you. Make sure you include lots of concrete examples that they gave you. I don’t want to hear “I was told I am a good listener” unless you have stories about how you listened carefully to someone and helped them in some way. Get stamped: Fr 9/11 (25 pts.)

D.  Present your findings for feedback: In class starting on Fr 9/11, you will read your summary of your findings to the members of your group. Your group members will provide you with written feedback. Get stamped: Fri 9/11 (15 pts.)

IV.  Write your Personal Statement: Using the group members’ feedback, your classmate’s essay on you, your “How I See Myself” summary, and your three interviews and summary as your resources, write a 600-750 word essay on one of the UC prompts or the Common Application prompts. (Read the instructions carefully!)

A.  the University of California Admissions Personal Statement web page: http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/admissions/how-to-apply/personal-statement/index.html

B.  the Common App web site: https://appsupport.commonapp.org/link/portal/33011/33013/Article/1694/2014-15-Common-Application-Essay-Prompts

C.  Read carefully the Tips and Techniques (UC web site) on the web page before you begin.

D.  ROUGH DRAFT: Type (double spaced) a Rough Draft to be peer reviewed in class;

R.D. Due: Fr 9/18 (10 pts.)

PEER REVIEWS in class: Fr 9/18 (15 pts.)

E.  FINAL DRAFT: Type up your final draft in the proper format.

1.  For once, you must not use MLA formatting. Instead, do the following:

IN THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER, put your

a.  full name (first, middle, last), next line

b.  birthdate (MLA header date format), and next line

c.  the words “Personal Statement.”

2.  IN THE CENTER below the words “Personal Statement,” write the prompt exactly as it was written on the web site.

3.  Double space, but do not indent, and skip an extra line between paragraphs.

F.D. Due: Fr 9/25 (60 pts.)
Name of Author:______Name of Peer Reviewers: ______

Mrs. Blackmer

English 12, Per. 5

Fall 2015

Peer Review/Feedback on “How Do I See Myself?”

AS A GROUP: discuss the following questions; the group writer should write down a summary of the group’s responses to each question here:

1. How Your Classmate Sees You:

a.  In the introductory paragraph, did the writer start with a summary of the classmate’s description? yes/no

______

______

b.  Which of these topics did the writer include from his/her classmate’s description? strengths, fears/dreams, interests, talents, skills, interesting details, personality, special English class abilities (writing, art, speaking, leadership, organizing), other.

______

______

2. How You See Yourself:

a.  In the body paragraphs, did the writer move into how he/she sees him/herself? yes/no

b.  Which of these topics did the writer cover? formative experiences, influential people in your life, family dynamics, socioeconomic background, cultural background and the expectations that come with it, opportunities both seized and missed, choices made, other.

c.  Did the writer use several paragraphs to cover these topics? yes/no

d.  How did the writer organize the topics (both within the paragraphs and in the order of the paragraphs)? Name the topic(s) in each paragraph below, and then explain why they are in this order.

1. body par. 1 topic: ______reason for order: ______

______

2. body par. 2 topic: ______reason for order: ______

______

3. body par. 3 topic: ______reason for order: ______

______

4. body par. 4 topic: ______reason for order: ______

______

5. body par. 5 topic: ______reason for order: ______

______

3. Did the writer conclude with his/her greatest assets? yes/no What are they?

______

______

______

______

4. Did the writer use proper MLA format/header? Circle any MLA errors on the paper and write down errors here (double spacing, 1-inch margins, etc):

______

______

5. Did the writer proofread for mechanics (grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.)? On the paper, circle any errors you noticed and write down any common errors here:


Grading Criteria Sheet

Name:______

Eng. 12, Per. 5

Date: Fall 2015

Assignment: How Do I See Myself?

CRITERIA

/ Points Possible / Student Assessment / Teacher Assessment
Introduction: 2-3 sentence overview of you / 2
BODY:
1st paragraph: the important points your classmate covered in his/her sales pitch about you;
2nd+ paragraphs: formative experiences, influential people in your life, family dynamics, socioeconomic background, cultural background and the expectations that come with it, opportunities both seized and missed, and choices made;
Concluding paragraph: your greatest assets. / 3
12
5

Proper MLA format/Mechanics: MLA Header and Format, grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.

/ 5
Three Peer Reviews / 15
TOTAL: / 40

COMMENTS:


Name of Author:______Group Reviewers:______

Mrs. Blackmer

Eng. 12, Per. 5

Fall 2015 WORD COUNT: ______

Personal Statement Peer Review/Feedback Sheet

AS A GROUP: discuss the following questions; the group writer should write down a summary of the group’s responses to each question here:

  1. Introduction: Does the introduction: have a catchy opening? yes/no

1.  clearly address the specific prompt? yes/no

2.  have a thesis that expresses a clear point of view about you? yes/no

3.  Write the thesis here: ______

______.

4.  How does the thesis reflect the prompt and suggest how the writer plans to support it? ______.

5.  Is the thesis appropriate—is the idea deep enough, important enough, unique enough for the purpose? (Make suggestions if it isn’t) ______

______.

  1. Body: Is the essay clearly organized with one topic focus per paragraph? yes/no

A)  Write down the topic sentence and topic(s) of each body paragraph here—do they match?:

1.  ______

2.  ______

3.  ______

4.  ______

C)  What specific examples does the author use in each paragraph to demonstrate his/her point? What should s/he add?

1.  examples:______suggestions: ______

2.  examples:______suggestions: ______

3.  examples:______suggestions: ______

4.  examples:______suggestions: ______

D)  Is the order of the paragraphs logical? yes/no Identify what order you think they should go in:______

1.  Is there a clear transition from one paragraph to the next? yes/no

2.  Write down the transitions here:

a.  ______

b.  ______

c.  ______

d.  ______

  1. Conclusion:

1.  Does the conclusion include revisiting the thesis? yes/no Explain: ______.

2.  Does it wrap up who you are and what your strengths are? yes/no Explain: ______.

  1. Style: Is it

A)  entertaining? yes/no

B)  interesting? yes/no

C)  direct and to the point? yes/no

D)  persuasive and impressive? yes/no

E)  contain info not in the main application? yes/no

F)  serious? yes/no

G)  mature? yes/no

H)  free of errors? yes/no

I)  positive and assertive? yes/no

J)  free of clichés? yes/no

K)  full of great imagery? yes/no

  1. TWO FINAL QUESTIONS:

A)  Could anyone else have written this essay? Explain why/why not using examples from the essay:

B)  How would you fill in the following: “I want to accept you to this college because our college needs more______”?

  1. Read the paper again. This time circle any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors you see. Look carefully. Do not correct the errors. Let the writer decide how to correct them.
ANY LAST SUGGESTIONS?: ______Grading Criteria Sheet

Name:______

Eng.12 Per. 5

Fall 2015

Assignment: How Others See Me (Interviews & Summary)

CRITERIA

/ Points Possible / Student Assessment / Teacher Assessment
Section II: interview questions
3 responses (5 pts. ea.)
1 summary
and 3 group feedback responses (5 pts. ea.) / 10
15
25
15
TOTAL: / 65

Assignment: Personal Statement

CRITERIA / Points Possible / Student Assessment / Teacher Assessment
Introduction: catchy opener, intro to topic, lead-in to thesis, clear thesis statement, addresses prompt / 10
Organization: one topic per paragraph, clear introductory sentence per paragraph, order of paragraphs logical, intro, body, conclusion all present, clear transitions from one paragraph to the next, all parts direct and to the point / 10
Argument: clear, persuasive, interesting, relevant examples (cd) and explanation (commentary) that show how the examples prove the thesis, all points positive and assertive, mature / 25
Conclusion: revisits thesis, wraps up the argument clearly and memorably / 5
Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation, word choice, wordiness, uses UC format (or CSU), etc. / 10
TOTAL: / 60

COMMENTS: