6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don T And

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

12 Step Programs Don’t Want You To Find Out!

Helping You Create A Better Life

Without Alcohol

By Mary Ellen Barnes & Edward W. Wilson

4020 Palos Verdes Drive N Suite 201

Rolling Hills Estates, CA 90274

888-541-6350

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers

Know That You Don't,

And …

12-Step Programs

Don't Want

You To Find Out!

Mary Ellen Barnes, Ph.D.

& Edward Wilson, Ph.D.

Published by:

Y.E.S., Inc

4020 Palos Verdes Drive, North, Suite 201

Rolling Hills Estates, CA 90274

310-541-6350

MaryEllen&

by any means (including electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise)

without the prior written permission of the publisher.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Secret #1- You Aren't Powerless!

Why Not AA?

What happens if or when you go to an AA meeting? When

you arrive and sit down you’re probably feeling a little

unsure of yourself and then one of the first things you’ll

hear is that you’re powerless over alcohol.

Just when you’ve finally taken the initiative to deal with

your drinking problem you’re told you’re powerless. And if

you’re like most people that undermines your self-confidence

even more. Not what you want or need.

Are you someone who is truly powerless? Is it really

helpful to see yourself as powerless?

Let’s take a quick look and see if this basic principle of the

AA treatment program applies to you or… if it’s complete

nonsense.

Your Successes

Are you truly powerless in other aspects of your life? For

99.9% of people the answer is a resounding NO. Over the

years you’ve had success in many areas including work,

sports and marriage.

Maybe in high school, you made "the team;" graduated

with honors; got into your college of choice. As a young

adult you may have graduated from college; gotten

married; begun a promising career; started a family; and

bought your first home. Doesn't sound powerless to us!

Like all of us, you've experienced both success and

occasional disappointment. But you were hardly powerless.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

And you are no more powerless today than you were then.

Quite the opposite.

When someone tells you you’re powerless to deal with

alcohol it’s a cop out, an easy way to deny your

responsibility and never actually make any progress in

resolving the problem. It’s also a devious way to bind you

to a 12-Step group … forever.

Once you’re hooked on the idea that you’re powerless and

the only people who can help you is the 12-Step group,

how much progress do you think you’ll make? In a word

NONE!

Retrieve Your Power!

You have the power to change. What you need is expert

guidance in how to exert personal control. Imagine if you

were struggling to lose weight and someone told you that

you were powerless. You’d be doomed to failure. That’s

what will happen to you if you buy the nonsense that

you’re powerless over alcohol.

Is that what you want? Or do you want to be someone who

is in control and on the track to success? If it’s the latter,

you’re thinking is going in the right direction and you can

achieve your goals. The first step is to ignore that

nonsense about you being powerless.

You have the power to make choices and changes and

don't need groups, labels, and more irresponsibility to go

with it. You can use good short-term help to change.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Don't Sabotage Yourself!

Research shows that people who believe they are

"powerless" are far more prone to relapse into destructive

drinking than those who don't.

Don't let "powerlessness" and the "disease" model keep

you from seeking help in the early stages of alcohol abuse.

Ready to stop being labeled as powerless and take

control? It's up to you. You have the power to decide

your future.

Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our

website:

and start reclaiming your life.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Secret # 2 - You Really Don't Have

An Incurable Disease!

It's Not A Progressive, Terminal Sickness!

If you have ever been to alcohol rehab or AA or talked to

almost anybody about alcoholism, you have probably

noticed that nearly everybody immediately puts on solemn

faces and then they say "Well, you know, it's a disease.

You'll need to stay "clean and sober" for the rest of your

life, or it will kill you. " Wrong!

There is no evidence that it's a disease and ample

evidence that it isn't progressive. Alcoholism is a symptom

and a coping mechanism that's gotten out of control.

It's easy to forget that alcohol is a drug, and, as its

popularity shows, an extremely effective one. It reduces

anxiety and tension with speed and effectiveness – not to

mention availability - other drugs can't hope to match.

So stop thinking about alcoholism as a disease and think

about it as a sign that other things in your life that are not

working.

Drinking too much is a behavior that needs to be modified

or eliminated. You do it with other behaviors all of the

time, you can do it with alcohol, too.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Where'd This "Disease of Alcoholism" Come From?

Partially it came from treatment programs hoping to cash

in on medical insurance – if it’s a disease, insurance will

pay for it. The only trouble was the insurance companies

quickly realized that "disease" based (12-Step) programs

rarely worked, so they essentially quit paying for them.

For individuals it provides an "out" for people who wish to

continue an alcohol centered life under the guise of being

helpless victims – people who wish to maintain the

behaviors but escape the criticism of friends, family,

employers, and judges. You have to admit there is some

appeal there.

Any appeal the disease model may hold, however, ends

when you actually want to fix your life. Then it simply

becomes a stumbling block, one which, if you embrace it,

will kill you. You will just keep going to meetings,

relapsing, bingeing, and "recovering" until you're dead.

Do you want a "disease, or do you want to be a fully

functional person who re-asserts control over a once useful

coping mechanism that's gone awry?

Want to cure your "incurable disease?" Tired of

being a victim? The choice is yours - do you want a

real life?

Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our

website:

and start to start living again.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Secret # 3 - It's Dumb To Wait To

"Hit Bottom"!

Please Be Smart!

Everyone's told you that you have to "hit bottom" before

you'll be ready to recover. Do you actually want to wait

until after you've lost your marriage, your career, your

home, your money, and are living in a box under the

freeway ramp with a shopping cart full of secondhand

clothes? At that point, why would you bother to sober up?

We think that's a dangerous concept to base your health

care decisions on. Consider, for example, how that would

play out in maintaining your home...

“Well, you know,” they’d say, “you can't fix the drip under

the sink until the pipe breaks and floods the kitchen."

Or, how about, "No point in starting a diet until after I

have a heart attack; or lowering my blood pressure until

after that stroke…"

Please. Is that any way to live your life?

But that’s most alcohol treatment providers' party line.

Let’s look at alcoholism as if actually were a disease.

Act Now!

What do we know about real illness? Well, first there’s

prevention, then there’s regular checkups, then early

detection, then… Oops. Early detection? What happened to

“hitting bottom?”

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Of course that's the problem. With illness, we don't wait

until the patient is nearly dead before beginning treatment.

Effective treatment is begun, good follow-up maintains the

progress, and changes in the patient's life are instituted

that will sustain the recovery.

It shouldn't be surprising that this same model works well

for diverting you from alcohol abuse and dependence. The

trouble is you've been discouraged – by mythology,

stigma, and "lifelong recovery" - from getting help in the

early stages when complete remission is not only possible,

but likely.

So, don't be lulled by thoughts like: "I'm not that bad off;"

and "I don't drink as much as Larry;" and other

rationalizations. You don't need to "hit bottom," whatever

that may mean to you. Act before drastic measures are

needed and dire consequences appear.

Don't you want to take action today before your

world crumbles around you? If you don't, who will?

Call us today at 888-541-6350 or contact us through

our site:

before it's too late.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Secret # 4 - You Don't Need 30, 60,

Or 90 Days Of Residential

Treatment!

90 Days! That's Nuts!

Just when you've decided to look for some help, you find

that all the rehab programs want you to spend a minimum

of 30 days with them, preferably longer. You don't have 30

days to go off to treatment somewhere. Thirty days is

longer than your vacation. People will find out. You'll have

to tell your boss! And it is really expensive!

"Where am I going to find the time, or the money, to do

30 days of rehab, much less 60 or 90? I can't!”

Fortunately, you don't have to. You may need a few days

respite and sorting time, but you don't need the wasted

time and money, the disruption, or the lack of

confidentiality.

“They said that the longer I stayed the better my chances

of success. Is that right?”

What's Success?

WRONG! 12-Step based programs tend to be quite

creative in defining success. “Was not noticeably

intoxicated while here,” is a common one. Stay three times

as long and you're automatically three times as successful!

Another aspect is their insistence that you fit yourself to

“The Program.” Obviously the more time they have to

isolate you and indoctrinate you the more apt you are to

"fit."

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Not much different than military basic training – take a

vulnerable person, confine them, and mold them. We don’t

much like that model, especially for smart, creative,

mature adults. We think you should develop your life, not

convert to someone else’s religion.

Avoid "Filler"

"But everyone goes away to rehab, so it must be better

than outpatient treatment – right?"

WRONG! We’re biased, of course, since we do outpatient,

but we also do it because, usually, it’s far more effective,

cheaper, less disruptive, and designed around you – not

“The Program.” Most of your time in a residential program

will be spent on filler. Let's take a quick look at a typical

day:

Breakfast

Chores

12-Step meeting billed as "group counseling"

An hour with your counselor (maybe)

Lunch

12-Step meeting

Journaling and working on your "steps"

Recreation time

Dinner

Evening presentation on "the Steps"

Actual professional counseling probably won't add up to

more than a few hours a week, if that. Not much to show

for your $30,000 to $100,000 vacation from reality. You'd

be far better off going to a spa than to residential rehab.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Take A Break!

We are not so biased, however, that we don’t recognize

that you may need some relief and protection, and enough

rest to sort your thoughts and options. Some people can

do that in a few days, others need longer. Just choose your

"retreat center" with care – and, yes, we know that can be

extremely difficult to do when your world is crashing

around you.

Don't want to waste 30 days and $30,000? We don't

blame you.

Call us 888-541-6350 or contact us through our

website: to

learn how you can start your full recovery in as little

as 5 days!

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Secret # 5 - You Don't Really Have

To Be “In Recovery” Forever!

Get Over It

Do you really want to be "in recovery" forever? Of course

not! It's boring, depressing, humiliating, and bad for you.

You want to get a grip and get over it.

Besides, focusing on alcohol won't reduce your dependency

on alcohol and being "in recovery" is more apt to make

you drink than save you from it. Don’t you want to focus

on where you want to go, not where you've been?

You wouldn't drive looking in the rear view mirror, would

you? NO! And you wouldn't work to improve your golf

game by focusing on slices and missed putts or how awful

you played last year.

That's exactly what going to endless meetings is like. All

those depressing people sitting around on uncomfortable

chairs, drinking bad coffee, dying for cigarettes, and

introducing themselves with, "Hi, I'm Fred, I'm an

alcoholic." With that focus, that identity, he'll stay an

alcoholic, but you don't have to.

Focus!

Instead focus on your life without alcohol's problems, just

like professional athletes focus on being winners.

Successful people concentrate on doing things right, not on

what they did wrong.

Have you ever watched those amazing girl gymnasts in the

Olympics as they work on the balance beams? Do you

think they focus on falling off? No, they visualize doing

their best and winning.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Have you ever hung a picture and got ready to drive a nail

into the wall? Of course you were afraid you'd hit your

thumb instead of the nail with the hammer, and, that

worry being your focus, you did just that. Ouch!

Granted, we're not all Olympic athletes, but success in

every endeavor follows pretty much the same path. Focus

on where you want to go, not where you've been or what

you're afraid of; on how you're going to get there, not how

you got stuck.

That's right. You'll change your alcoholic behaviors a lot

more successfully by NOT focusing on them for the rest of

your life.

Get A Life

Moving ahead means changing, getting a better life

without an alcohol focus. As obvious as that may sound, it

isn’t easy. That brings us back to the question of being

fully recovered. Granted a 12-Step habit is less destructive

than active alcoholism, but it’s still a life diminishing focus.

Recovered means you've successfully replaced alcohol

fueled behaviors. It’s the best insurance you can get

against a return to the bad old days. Yes, occasionally

you'll be tempted to revert to your former habits, but

having an interesting life which has no room for alcohol

abuse is the best way to maintain success.

Want to be "recovered" not "recovering?"

Not interested in wasting the rest of your life in

mindless meetings?

Call us at 888-541-6350 or contact us through our

website: to

recover now!

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

Secret # 6 - Moderation Is A

Possibility, Not A Pipe Dream!

Reality Check!

Much as we would all like to scarf down quarts of ice cream

and entire packages of Oreos at one sitting, mostly we

don't do it. The same goes for hitting the accelerator and

driving through our neighborhoods at 100 mph. We don't

usually do that either.

Moderation and good judgment go together, whether in

eating, driving or drinking.

Just because you got a speeding ticket, or four, doesn't

mean you can never drive again or that you have to go to

traffic school everyday for 90 days.

Just because you raided the freezer for ice cream a few too

many times doesn't mean you can never eat dessert again.

Most of you have been told, however, that if you drink too

much, you have to stop drinking. Forever and ever and

ever.

And never drink even one tiny little glass of wine or beer?

Or you will soon be a hopeless drunk living under a

freeway bridge, in a box, with all your possessions in a

grocery cart?

Use Your Head - Not AA Bumper Stickers

That's what 12-step programs and AA want you to believe.

That is just ridiculous! Many of you can learn to moderate

your drinking or quit for a while and once you have things

under control, go back to drinking at healthy levels.

6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t And…

People call us all the time and the conversations go

something like this: "I don't want to quit, I just want to

drink less. None of you people will talk to me." "We will,"