5TH GRADE SAMPLE PAPER, Form A,
Prompt: Did the benefits of exploration outweigh its consequences?
In my opinion, the benefits did not outweigh the consequences. Three reasons why is that the major decline in Native American population, also the enslavement of the Native Americans and lastly Columbus did not stand up to his promises. Now you are thinking, “how can I prove all this info”? Well, I shall show you proof that all of this information can be proved.
One of the reasons the consequences outweigh the benefits was the decline of Native American population. Document E states that small pox killed 90% of the Massachusetts Bay Indians between the 1617-1619. According to Doc. C the graph shows s decline of population and land from 1500 -1650 with losing over 4,999,500 lives. But Document D says it also lead to diseases being sent with new trade routes Now this is only one of the consequences.
Enslavement of the Native Americans is another consequence. According to Document B 500 slaves were sent by Christopher Columbus as a gift to Queen Isabella. Document B states that she is not happy with the idea of enslavement so she promptly and sternly sent them back. Document B also says that Columbus enslaved Natives to take on a fruitless journey. At least no one does that anymore.
The final reason is that Columbus did not live up to his promises. As Document B says it Columbus promised money but none was found. Document B also states that he left his brothers in charge which caused a bloody revolt. Last but not least Document B states again that he claimed that we would make it to Asia, but instead he made it to the Caribbean.
Over all I believe that this DBQ is full of consequences, yes there are some benefits, but over all my opinion is that no one should be enslaving anyone what so ever if you don’t think that’s wrong then ok. And next Columbus didn’t keep his promises for one you should always keep your promises. Maybe the next DBQ will have more benefits who knows?
Reflections for this response:
Used documents and for the most part cited documents correctly.
Organization was evident, no major historical misconceptions
Attempted an adequate thesis, and gave specific claims backed up with evidence.
Look at the suggestions for improvement to this paper – probably from a minimal 4 to a 5 on holistic rubric
5TH GRADE SAMPLE PAPER, Form A, with Annotations
Prompt: Did the benefits of exploration outweigh its consequences?
In my opinion, the benefits (of exploration) did not outweigh the consequences. Three reasons why is that the major decline in Native American population, also the enslavement of the Native Americans and lastly Columbus did not stand up to his promises. (THESIS) Now you are thinking, “how can I prove all this infor”? Well, I shall show you proof that all of this information can be proved. .Not appropriate for technical writing - Alternative could be opening paragraph which gives overall background knowledge to the reader. i.e. European exploration of the New World began with Christopher Columbus and his voyage in search of a route to India. In a short time French and English Explorers joined the Spanish in rushing to get territories in North and South America. This exploration meant a new avenue of trade. New foods crops were available such as corn, potato, squash and beans, sugar cane. New areas could be farmed and new labor was needed to run these large farms. Slaves were captured and broke to work in these newly explored lands. Then add the thesis…. Reader knows that the writer has background facts.
One of the reasons the consequences outweigh the benefits was the decline of Native American population. Document E states that small pox killed 90% of the Massachusetts Bay Indians between the 1617-1619. According to Doc. C the graph shows s decline of population and land from 1500 -1650 with losing over 4,999,500 lives. But Document D says it also lead to diseases being sent with new trade routes Now this is only one of the consequences. This is important because…….. diseases introduced by exploring nations were responsible for the deaths of Natives who could not fight these diseases.
Enslavement of the Native Americans is another consequence. According to Document B 500 slaves were sent by Christopher Columbus as a gift to Queen Isabella. Document B states that she is not happy with the idea of enslavement so she promptly and sternly sent them back. Document B also says that Columbus enslaved Natives to take on a fruitless journey. At least no one does that anymore. This is significant because large numbers of workers were needed to work where the Native Americans no longer could. Slavery was introduced and lasted 350 years in the Americas.
The final reason is that Columbus did not live up to his promises. As Document B says it Columbus promised money but none was found. Document B also states that he left his brothers in charge which caused a bloody revolt. Last but not least Document B states again that he claimed that we would make it to Asia, but instead he made it to the Caribbean. This is evidence that exploration and explorers often left areas in conflict and revolt which is another negative consequence
Over all I believe that this DBQ is exploration had more negative full of consequences, yes there are some benefits, such as new foods necessary in Europe, more trade and riches in material went to the explorers but over all my opinion is that the greater consequence was death of Native Americans and starting of slavery. No one should be enslaving anyone what so ever if you don’t think that’s wrong then ok. And next Columbus didn’t keep his promises for one you should always keep your promises. Maybe the next DBQ will have more benefits who knows?
Changes to improve the paper:
Introductory paragraph re-written to give brief background information to the reader
Addition of last sentence of each of the main paragraphs to state significance/importance of claims to the reader
Restatement of the thesis and recognition of the counter-claim in the closing