50 + Ways to Love Your Lover
How Do Wives Spell Love?
This exercise is designed to help discover how you, the wife,receives love. You will complete this form and then give it to your husband.
Directions:
1)First complete the free onlineLove Language Personal Profile, as you will need these scores.
2)Next, you shouldgo through thislistand draw a circlenext to the items that would make you feel loved and cared for by yourhusband. Put a +mark in each circle that your husband is currently doing. Put a line through items that really make no difference to you.If there are other specific ways that your husband can love you better include them on the list, as our husbands are not mind readers. From the Love Language Personal Profile place your score for each area next to the heading. Jon’s scores are in red and mine are in blue.
WORDS of affirmation35
Quality TIME67
Receiving GIFTS48
Acts of SERVICE77
Physical TOUCH103
Notice how his high score is my low score and my high score is not very high for him. God has a sense of humor.
3)Once your husband has completed his exercise, take time to read through the list out loud together taking turns between each section. Explain the relative importance of eachcategory and elaborate why youplaced a circle next to an item and be sure to commend himfor what heis doing well. SIDE NOTE: Jon and I did this exercise again since I was writing about it. I compared it to our previous time and wow!,weeither have improved greatly or we’ve mellowed out with age ;-)
4)Give this list to your husband who will read and do 2-3 items on the list daily.
5)Read the list your husband will give you for the next 21+ days and purposefully and consciously do 2-3 things off the list forhim daily that makes him feel loved the way he desires to receive love ;-)
Here are three questions that can radically change your marriage and give you information on becoming a better servant.
- What can I do to help you today?
- How can I make your life easier?
- How can I be a better wife to you?
SERVICES:I would feel loved and cared for if you would …
1)Help me wash and dry the dishes or load and unload the dishwasher.
2)Take care of the children for several hours to give me a break.
3)Do things and fix things that need repair.
4)Run errands cheerfully.
5)Watch a movie or TV show with me that I want to see with a good attitude.
6)Help the children with their homework.
7)Make sure the vehicles are well maintained (tires, oil, inspection, gas, etc.)
8)Occasionally let me sleep in.
9)Attend to the baby or children in the middle of the night and let me sleep.
10)Take care of the yard work and exterior of our home properly.
11)Be cooperative and helpful both before and during the time we have people over for dinner or fellowship. Simply ask, “what can I do to help you get ready?”
12)Handle money wisely.
13)Fulfill your responsibilities as the provider.
14)Make or bring me coffee/tea in the morning.
15)Make plans prayerfully and wisely.
16)Show interest in my friends and give me time to be with them.
17)Be ready to leave at the appointed time so we’re not late ;-)
18)Let me know how I can better serve you.
19)Pick up after yourself.
20)Occasionally let me take a nap.
TIME: I would feel loved and cared about if you would …
1)Spiritually lead our family.
2)Plan weekly dates/ time together without the kids.
3)Actively pursue developing mutual friends.
4)Develop and share hobbies and recreational interest together.
5)Seek my advice and opinion when facing a problem or decision.
6)Share plans with me fully,giving reasons for your decisions.
7)Be a good listener. Show me that you value what I share.
8)Go shopping with me without sighing and looking at the time ;-)
9)Make time to set specific goals for us to achieve each year.
10)Reminisce about good times and our beginnings.
11)Share what happened at work or whatever you did while you were away.
12)Give details about your day when askedinstead of just saying, “it was fine.”
13)Be extra helpful when I’m not feeling well.
14)Attend seminars, Bible studies, home groups, school functions, etc with me.
15)Refuse to work late or excessively on a regular basis.
16)Make time daily to discuss how my day was.
17)Call, email or text me when we’re apart so I know you’re thinking of me.
18)Surprise me by planning for us to attend a marriage seminar or weekend retreat together.
19)Be sensitive to my needs, looking for ways to bless me.
20)
TOUCH:I would feel loved and cared about if you would …
1)Sit close to me while watching TV.
2)Rub my back, head, feet, or shoulders.
3)Hug me and touch me affectionately without it leading to sex.
4)Hold my hand in public like you did when we were dating.
5)Hold me close and verbally express your love to me when I am hurt, sad, burdened, or discouraged.
6)Show me affection in front of family, friends, and children.
7)Take time to touch or caress me daily.
8)Put your arms around me when I need comfort, holding me silently.
9)Hold me and talk to me after sex and tell me you love me.
10)Do something active with me to lift my spirits – even walking hand-in-hand.
11)Take time for foreplay before having sex.
12)Keep yourself physically fit, attractive, and clean.
13)Greet me with a kiss whenever you see me regardless of where we are.
14)You kiss me beforebed time and when we start each day.
15)Practice good hygiene (bathe, brush teeth, etc) before sex.
16)Brush my leg under the table.
17)Ask me what my sexual needs are and then try to fulfill them.
18)Snuggle in bed just to be close without having to have sex.
19)Wear my favorite fragrance.
20)Take baths or showers together.
21)Hold me when I cry.
GIFTS:I would feel loved and cared about if you would …
1)Give me a regular amount of fun money.
2)Plan a mini get-away so we could be together without kids.
3)Take me shopping and help me choose items you like on me.
4)Surprise me occasionally with a cardor small thoughtful gift.
5)Make a point of honoring birthdays, our anniversary, and other special occasions.
6)Buy me negligee or sexy undergarments.
7)Encourage me to spend money on myself.
8)Buy me jewelry.
9)Book me a massage, facial, etc.
10)Bring me flowers.
11)Give me the gift of your time by helping me with personal projects I have.
12)Give me gifts you know I like because you have carefully listened to the hints I’ve made.
13)Sometimes bring me a cup of coffee or tea in the morning.
14)Take me to my favorite eateries.
WORDSI would feel loved and cared about if you would …
1)Tell me often that you love me especially when I am feeling more vulnerable after having a child, experiencing changes in my health, etc..
2)Write and send me love notes, emails, or letters.
3)Speak to me in a soft, loving and gentle tone.
4)Email or call me during the day to let me know you are thinking of me.
5)Not disagree with me in front of the children or others.
6)You would not tease or belittle me, saying, “I was just joking” especially if I don’t find it funny.
7)Make sure the children speak to me respectfully.
8)Choose your words carefully, especially when angry.
9)Tell me that I am special or that you are proud of me and that you believe in me.
10)Tell me that you are thankful you married me, reassuring me that you love me.
11)Pray together with me.
12)Guard yourself from saying unwholesome words or down-grading me.
13)Brag about me to others, both in front of me and when I am not with you.
14)Not argue with me in front of others.
15)Defend me to others – especially my family and yours.
16)Express to me that you need and value me.
17)Compliment my giftedness, talents, etc. Be specific.
18)Communicate with me verses talking AT me or shutting me out emotionally.
19)Initiate and cultivate good conversations.
20)Communicate when you must work late.
21)Share a good joke, story, or other information you’ve learned.
22)Tell me when I was right and you were wrong. Seek forgiveness if necessary.
23)Be smiling and cheerful when you come home.
24)Tell me that I am a good wife/mom and be specific.
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