2 Cor 10:1 Now I Paul Myself Beseech You by the Meekness and Gentleness of Christ, Who
PASTORAL THEOLOGY
LECTURE 40
THE PASTOR AS A PERSON
Who is your Pastor? Do you know him….the real him…the person? Does he seem unapproachable, unknowable?
Pastor, who are you? I mean, who are you when you take your Pastor hat off? Are you real? Do you sometimes forget?
(The following sections are by W.A. Criswell)
The greatest, finest, noblest sermon any pastor ever delivers is that of his own example. People can see a sermon far more easier than they can hear one. Ralph Waldo emerson said it like this, “What you are speaks so loud (that) I can not hear what you say.” A good example is worth ten thousand wordy addresses and expostulations.
The Pastor Personally
Do’s& Don’t’s
(Pastor Warner’s statements are in italics)
►Do make every effort to maintain close ties with your family; spend quality time with them; keep your wife and children
as a first priority. Have special days and times to spend with your wife and children. Try and work from the home as
much as possible.
►Take time to pray and be alone with God. Keep your mornings for God. Tell the people the arrangement so other lesser
things can be done at later hours. Pray without ceasing. You should spend more time in devotion than the others in your
congregation (in general).
►Commit each day to the Lord. Take a spiritual inventory of yourself each day. Are you growing in grace and in the
knowledge of the Lord each day?
►Contribute much more than a tithe to the Lord; Be the biggest giver in the church.
►Be truthful and dependable; be scrupulous and ethical in all your business dealings; pay bills promptly; be punctual in all
your engagements.
►Always keep a positive attitude; never let them see you upset, cranky, grumpy, frowning, i.e. not full of the joy of the Lord.
►Keep your eyes open to new ideas, but be slow to follow cheap fads. Be willing to think outside the Baptist Box.
►Show enthusiasm and alertness; be the one that keeps the ‘troops’ moving forward, motivated; go team go! Be a bit
hyper while ‘at church’…calm down and rest when you are at home.
►Have regular physical checkups; stay in good health; having preventable poor health is a poor testimony indeed.
►When ministering (at church, fellowshipping, work days, etc.) always be clean and neat in appearance;dress appropriately
all the time; check to see that your breath is fresh; have noticeably short hair; facial hair needs to be kept neat; use
plenty of deodorant; keep your teeth on the white side; keep your nose clean; shoes should have a polished look;
always dress a level or two more conservative than would be expected for the event.
►Keep your car clean (inside and out); keep your office clean; keep your yard sharp; keep your home clean (unexpected
guests); have an extra room available at your home always on the ready for a travelling preacher friend.
►Don’t drain yourself physically and emotionally; you’ll become weak in the pulpit and much less effective as a minister.
►Don’t become a negative thinker; always focusing on the many negatives that
come your way each week.
►Don’t resent constructive criticism.
►Don’t become materialistic in your life-style; can a Pastor own a nice home and
have a nice SUV?
►Don’t let personal problems ‘show’. Don’t lose your temper…ever, while
ministering. Don’t be upset about trivial
matters. Don’t speak negatively about one member to another.
►Don’t have hobbies or recreational activities that seem to dominate your life;
they should be clearly ranked as
‘unimportant’ compared to ‘the ministry’. Don’t be ‘known for’ something (i.e. “I’m a hunter; I love waterskiing; Come
look at my expensive gun collection; I collect old cars; I’m a sports enthusiast…etc.). These ‘known for’ areas can
become areas of imbalance in your life; and members might see the area as out of balance, silly, foolish, or even sinful.
►Try not to be at either extreme in the social status spectrum: don’t be “dirt poor” (appearing) and don’t be ‘ritzy’
appearing. Either extreme can cause problems in your ministry.
(end of W.A. Criswell section)
Phil 4:5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
Jesus Christ was indeed a Person while He was on Earth.
Heb 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Which should be a higher priority? The church or your family?
Most would answer, ‘your family’; some might answer, ‘the church’. But, I believe neither are right. They go together; they should never be opposing to each other; if the church has an event, then be there….with your family. If you have family night planned, and a church related event pops up, change family night and take the family to the event. Church is all about families; church is made up of families; a church is not a church without the families. Don’t separate the two out into potentially conflicting parties. Never use the excuse “I can’t come help out with this right now because it is my special time with my son Biff tonight”. It may sound good and loving; but it is setting the stage, the standard, up for others in your church to use the same excuse for not attending church events. Also, your calling is to minister to the needs of the church members 24/7, along with your family. God will guide you and protect you from ‘losing your family to the ministry’; He will give you that quality time you need. Just make sure that you include your family in most, if not all, church related events so that there will be a perpetual ‘family time’ with Dad, hubby, pastor. The Pastor who isolates himself from his family while he ‘ministers’, is usually the one who ‘loses his family to the ministry’….how sad.
Personality:
Ideally, a Pastor should be himself; he should display his personality for everyone to see. He shouldn’t hide behind his ‘clergy attire’. He shouldn’t walk like the ‘attention on deck!’ Admiral. He shouldn’t be always serious and ‘lets get to work, men.’ There is a real person somewhere down in there. Don’t hide it, dear Pastor.
Let’s take a moment and learn from Paul…the person Paul:
2 Cor 10:1 Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, who in presence am base among you, but being absent am bold toward you:
2 Cor 10:10 For his letters, say they, are weighty and powerful; but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible.
2 Cor 11:6 But though I be rude in speech, yet not in knowledge; but we have been throughly made manifest among you in all things.
Acts 22:3 I am verily a man which am a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, yet brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel, and taught according to the perfect manner of the law of the fathers, and was zealous toward God, as ye all are this day.
Some older Pastors, who have pastored large churches for most of their career, end up being very guarded, proper, serious, professional, business-like, distant… All that the members get to know is this… this becomes their view of God, possibly.
Why not have a good balance between the real you, and the professional, proper Pastor. When behind the pulpit, or in a business meeting, be professional and proper…but still be you. When having fellowship with the young adults at an ice cream shoppe, don’t be professional and oh so proper…be David Warner…be a real human being…let the dear flock get to know the shepherd that loves them.
But, Pastors are often taught in ‘BibleCollege’ that it is not wise to get real close with the church members; it is a kind of ‘Fraternization rule’. It is reasoned, by them, that if you get fairly close and personal with the members, that they may lose respect for you and treat you like any of their other buddies and then when you preach behind the pulpit or correct them in a counseling session, it might not be taken that seriously or be that affective. There are some who propound that one should not ever be ‘friends’ with the members; there should always be a significant distance between the Pastorate and the lay people. You should never go over to their house just to enjoy their company; it should always be purely on the professional level. Fellowshipping must be done in groups only. Someone may claim that you are showing favoritism if you go over to a member’s house now and then for food and fellowship.
It is reasonable to guard against being too ‘chummy’ with the members. But, I would submit to you that Jesus Christ was real close and personable with His disciples! He treated them like family. He fellowshipped with them 24/7. There were a lot of serious times, and some relaxing times.
John 21:20 Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee?
The advantages to developing a ‘friend’ relationship with church members are that:
1. You will get to know them better; their guards will come down some
2. They will feel that you are more than just a church employee doing his duties
3. They will see you as a real person, that struggles just like they do, and can relate to their problems…you’re believable
4. People tend to want to do more for someone that is regarded as their friend; they are more loyal, giving, kind…
Prov 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Pastor, take down the wall; let the members get to know you; don’t keep putting on the ministerial, holier-than-thou fascad.
Open up and show them the real you (but not the bad side…). Don’t be so rigid, guarded, careful, proper, professional around them….let them see you laugh, act a little goofy, cry, play catch with the football, cook burgers, dig a ditch, talk about politics-sports-hunting-favorite foods; tell them about your struggles growing up, the terrible teens, the silly things you did as a college kid, big mistakes you made earlier on as a Pastor, your fears, your hopes, your dreams….
When you are expected to be Pastoral, then by all means fulfill the role (when preaching, leading services, counseling, teaching….basically when you are in your suit and tie). But, when you are not, then be ‘you’. Yes, you still are their Pastor and they shouldn’t be calling you ‘Davey’ or ‘dude’; but let them have some liberty and chat with you like they would chat with one of their friends…. Listen to them; laugh with them; encourage them one on one; don’t be afraid to give a guy a hug. Occasional be seen in Bluejeans and a workshirt. Don’t always have to have your hair perfectly molded or your face always cleanly shaven. Go on a Men’s Retreat for 3 days up in the woods…this will solve all those issues quickly…
1 Peter 5:3 Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.
Here are some personality types and traits; which does your Pastor have (or which do you have as a Pastor)?
▫Impatient, achievement-oriented people are classified as Type A, whereas easy-going, relaxed individuals are
designated as Type B.
▫Warmth, emotional, exciting, sensitive, rough, recluse, perfectionist, tense, talker, listener, thinker, humorous, reserved,
people-pleaser, controlling, optimist, pessimist, extravert, strange…
Which items would you want in a ‘perfect Pastor’?
The average Pastor I know seems to have these characteristics: Type A, exciting, rough, perfectionist, talker, thinker, controlling, optimist…
Pastor, which items should you try and have…not have?
Dear church member, realize that your Pastor is a person just like anyone else. He has his ‘moments’; he is not perfect; he will indeed fail you now and then; he has his areas of weakness (albeit few); he can be stubborn; he can get angry; he can seem unfair; he might not listen well all the time; he might seem overbearing at times…. so, realize that he is a person and give him some lattitude; pray for him; don’t have ‘roast pastor’ every time he makes the slightest error; be quick to forgive and forget. Hopefully he is doing the same for you….
Rom 7:15
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Pastor, be personable to the flock; be a person; be yourself; let them get to know you; let them feel comfortable coming to you with questions; talk to them when they call you on the phone; chat with them at length after the church services; listen to them, I mean really listen to them; don’t be afraid to show your emotions (but restrain the negative ones, of course); allow them to be your friends; break down the wall that separates the ‘clergy from the laity’; be their pastor.
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