A FEW THOUGHTS

Many of you need to change your approach to writing. You are repeating the same errors or writing in the same style. Completing assignments is not the same as learning. In order to change you need to recognize this and make a CONCERTED effort to change.

1] Do not immediately put pen to paper.

2] All assignments are open book, so look at previous assignments and assess the mistakes you need to avoid and the goal / change you should be pursuing.

3] Jot down your three key ideas and determine the order of presentation. Focus on each key point then transition to the next idea. Avoid repetition and redundancy.

4] And, just because something is discussed in class, doesn’t mean it needs to be forced into the response. Eg. Connotation – Papa’s Waltz Names – Sadie and Maude

5] At least five minutes should have elapsed. Now put pen to paper.

6] When you get to the concluding sentence, you are not finished.

  • Ask which errors do you frequently make; proofread for these.
  • Add specific words, adjectives and adverbs.
  • Delete wordy phrasing.
  • Move the punctuation inside the quotation marks.
  • On scrap paper experiment with a thematic statement.

General improvements to a 4+ .How to get to a five.

1] Reduce wordiness / Choose precise and concise phrasing

2] Avoid vague language / be specific / use adjectives and adverbs instead of phrases.

3] Discuss subtleties in the text. Recognize counter arguments and dispel them.

4] Experiment with a thematic intro or conclusion

5] Try to include one or two advanced sentence structures – just be certain that the information in the phrases added is valuable.

  • Participles – participles as interrupters – participles to introduce the second clause in a compound sentence.

The violent dance finally ends and the speaker, still clinging to his father’s shirt, is waltzed off to bed.

  • Adjectival clauses or appositives

Sadie and Maude- wordiness [281 words]

In the narrative poem “Sadie and Maude,” Gwendolyn Brooks, the poet,describes two sisters following two different and opposite paths in life and how their lives end. The poem begins with the character of Maude who,as her name would imply, lives her life according to what everyone around her perceives as correct. She goes to college to get an education. The other sister’s name is Sadie, which is an unusual name, and she one of the “most livingest chit in the land.” Sadie is a young, promiscuous girl who gets around and who lives her life making many mistakes along the way. Furthermore, in the third stanza, it is revealed that she “bore two babies under her maiden name,” solidifying the reader’s view of her sinful lifestyle. Her parents who gave birth to her nearly died of shame because of this. When Sadie died,she seemed to leave as heritage “her fine tooth comb” for her kids to follow in her footsteps and living life as one wanted. Maude, who listened to Ma and Pa, lived her life the way her parents expected her to which is also according to how society expects because she was horrified of disappointing them. As a result, Maude becomes a thin brown mouse, going through life trying to please others. Despite doing everything that she was expected to do, Maude ends up living alone without anyone. The irony is that although Sadie lived a problematic life with many mistakes, she died happy even though she was viewed poorly by her family relations while the obedient and well-educated Maude is sick and “living all alone in this old house” with nobody.

Sadie and Maude- wordiness [281 words]

In the narrative poem “Sadie and Maude,” Gwendolyn Brooks, the poet,describes two sisters following two different and opposite paths in life and how their lives end. The poem begins with the character of Maude who, as her name would imply, lives her life according to what everyone around her perceives as correct. She goes to college to get an education. The other sister’s name is Sadie, which is an unusual name, and she one of the “most livingest chit in the land.” Sadie is a young, promiscuous girl who gets around and who lives her life making many mistakes along the way. Furthermore, in the third stanza, it is revealed that she “bore two babies under her maiden name,” solidifying the reader’s view of her sinful lifestyle. Her parents who gave birth to her nearly died of shame because of this. When Sadie died,she seemed to leave as heritage “her fine tooth comb” for her kids to follow in her footsteps and living life as one wanted. Maude, who listened to Ma and Pa, lived her life the way her parents expected her to which is also according to how society expects because she was horrified of disappointing them. As a result, Maude becomes a thin brown mouse, going through life trying to please others. Despite doing everything that she was expected to do, Maude ends up living alone without anyone. The irony is that although Sadie lived a problematic life with many mistakes, she died happy even though she was viewed poorly by her family relations while the obedient and well-educated Maude is sick and “living all alone in this old house” with nobody.

In the ballad poem “Sadie and Maude,” by the poet Gwendolyn Brooks, the poet introduces two sisters following two different and opposite paths in life and the encounters they both face.The author describes the character of Maude as her name would imply lives her life according to what everyone around her perceives as correct and goes to college to get an education.The other sister’s name is Sadie, which is an unusual name, and she one of the “most livingest chit in the land.”Sadie is a young promiscuous girl who gets around and who lives her life making many mistakes along the way. Furthermore, in the third stanza, it is revealed that she “bore two babies under her maiden name,” solidifying the reader’s view of her sinful lifestyle. Her parents who gave birth to her nearly died of shame. In the fourth stanza, Sadie seemed to leave as heritage “her fine tooth comb” for her kids to follow in her footsteps and living life as one wanted.Maude who listened to Ma and Pa lived her life the way they wanted it to be lived which is according to how society expects because she was horrified of disappointing them. The thin brown mouse which was Maude did what she was told, going through life trying to please others.Despite doing everything that she was expected to do, Maude still ends up living alone without anyone.The irony is that although Sadie lived a problematic life with many mistakes she died happy even though she was viewed poorly by her family relations while the obedient and well-educated Maude is sick and “living all alone in this old house”with nobody.

Sadie and Maude – 130 words: KEY

In “Sadie and Maude,” Gwendolyn Brooks ____DESCRIBES______two sisters following two ^ differentpaths in life.Maude lives her life according to ______SOCIAL EXPECTATIONS______and goes to college. ____ON THE OTHER HAND______, Sadie,the “most livingest chit in the land ,” is a young promiscuous girl who makes many mistakes. She “bore two babies under her maiden name ___AND______her ^ parents nearly died of shame. ____WHEN SHE DIED,______Sadie left as heritage “her fine tooth comb” for her kids to follow. ______clarify [3marks]______. Maude ,who listened ^ to Ma and Pa ,lived her life ____FOLLOWING RULES______, horrified of disappointing them. A thin brown mouse , Maude tried to please others. _____;NEVERTHELESS / YET___, Maude still ends up living alone MISERABLE. ____IRONICALLY_ , Sadie who lived a problematic life with many mistakes she died happy while the obedient and well-educated Maude is sick and “living all alone in this old house”.

Can you improve any of the vocabulary by either changing words or adding modifiers?

Can you identify the type of error caused by the second quotation?

Can you find a “punc” error in the paragraph.

Can you create a thematic introductory sentence and the subsequent transitional sentence for this response?[2 marks]

/15 marks

Sadie and Maude – 130 words

In “Sadie and Maude,” Gwendolyn Brooks ____verb______two sisters following two different paths in life . Maude lives her life according to ______noun______and goes to college. ____transitional word______, Sadie ,the “most livingest chit in the land , ” is a young promiscuous girl who makes many mistakes . She “bore two babies under her maiden name ___fanboy______her parents nearly died of shame. _____transition ______, Sadie left as heritage “her fine tooth comb” for her kids to follow .______clarify [3marks]______. Maude ,who listened to Ma and Pa , lived her life ____explain how she lived______, horrified of disappointing them. A thin brown mouse , Maude tried to please others. _____transitional word___, Maude still ends up living alone ______. ____transitional word that ties conclusion to the question_ , Sadie who lived a problematic life with many mistakes she died happy while the obedient and well-educated Maude is sick and “living all alone in this old house”.

Can you improve any of the vocabulary by either changing words or adding modifiers?

Can you identify the type of error caused by the second quotation?

Can you find a “punc” error in the paragraph.

Can you create a thematic introductory sentence and the subsequent transitional sentence for this response?[2 marks]

/15 marks