Dear Santa,

You did such a good job getting Jesus out of Krissmiss and turning it into a pagan Winter Solstice celebration, well I figured that you are pretty well connected. So I’d appreciate if you would pass this message along to Satan for me (hehehe, I noticed the similarity between your name and his):

Dear Master of Earth, Fire, Water, Filth, Darkness, Hunger, Death, Destruction, Despair, Deception, Misery, Malady and Similar Evil,

Concerning the weather, it seems to me that your plan has been working. You got our attention by making it a tad bit warmer than usual in a few places for a while and that succeeded in scaring the begeebers out of us. Now I realize that some of the less enlightened scientists etc. have what appears (on the mere surface) to be pretty good proof that what has been happening meteorologically is not out of the ordinary. You know, they took out the falsified Russian temperature data, then looked at their way old stupid ice core samples and came up with a THEORY of how things have sort of been changing back and forth for 50,000 years or so. And sure, to some it just looks like normal weather cycles as usual and all of that. Still, I have faith in you and believe fully in you and your great plan, and trust your government and nongovernmental employees and departments and news people and strange fringe groups etc.: I see the bigger picture! I trust you and yours no matter how out of whack it all would appear to the simpleminded. I depend on and in you my Dark Lord! You are my master!

So, with that out of the way, it’s been getting a little too cool now; for gadz sake, it’s snowing in Louisiana! Ok, Ok, we were running short of volcanoes and virgins to throw them into, so instead we felt that we had no choice but to start sacrificing other stuff like timber, mining, agriculture, manufacturing, fishing, oil extraction and refining etc. etc. etc. etc. industries, and capitalism in general, and people and their lives and futures to your great green alter. We didn’t want to disappoint you, and honestly it all seemed to be something that you’d do to sort of treat yourself. So the problem is that now we aren’t sure if you’re sending us into another ice age because you are mad at us or if you are just so happy that the Human Caused Global Warming myth has worked out so well that you’re just kind of like enjoying the moment. Or the thought has also come up that you might really really really like what we’ve been doing and want even more sacrifices.

We are also a bit bewildered as to which of your outward personas we are supposed to appease and worship. It seems that years ago folks would take poop and stick feathers all over their bodies and do all kinds of strange stuff because they thought you were the sun. That makes sense since the sun is about 960,000 times bigger than the earth and burns at about 2 million degrees centigrade and all. But now folks seem to think that you are the atmosphere ( ) (*)

(______). If you tell us to, we’ll be glad to just go along with the ozone, carbon and capitalism is the unthinkable evil, thing. After all it’s sort of obvious that people haven’t been getting any smarter over the years. Have they?

Well, while we respectfully await your response we will continue on with the Klamath Settlement and Restoration agreements. They seem to be doing a good job of getting rid of hope, optimism, capitalism, property rights, food, power generation, good sense, freedom and all of those things which you despisingly deplore. Besides, it is a good example for those who are currently accomplishing the same sort of unjust and wicked works across the entire deep blue green globe.

We are committed as well to helping the States of California, Oregon and Washington (and all the rest of them for that matter) totally destroy themselves with your hellarious mantra, “a pristine environment equals a robust and thriving economy; or “… part of the bigger package, it gives us what we need to continue as a viable economic industry."

Yurin forever,

Finicky T Gorelip

Oh by the way, the Obama change in government (boy are they ever going to get that) and the transparency (Senate seat – wink wink) thing just goes to show us how smart you really are. Then with the Clinton environmental extremists back in the white house, the government and unions controlling (heck owning) business, combined with regressive FDR type policies (which sound like help but mean Hell), well, the sacrifices will be increasing 100 fold in no time at all.

And I almost forgot, keeping schools and the locally elected all the way up to federal government types believing that Sustainability isn’t really a ticking time bomb that’ll blow them all to your kingdom come is smart smart smart squared times 666!

Keep up the evil work