Smack
By: Alexander Willey
Scene I: The Dance
Fades in…………
Camera shows all around Dance………. (Insert Song)
-Alex walks in through door……(camera pauses, leaving Alex's picture up with name underneath) ( Fabolous- Keepin it Gangsta)
-Bart walks in opposite door……(camera pauses, leaving Bart's picture up with name underneath) (Crime Mob- Nuck if you Buck)
-Shows both walking through the dance, until Bart and Alex bump into each other.
Bart: You betta knock tha shit……or we are gonna have a problem.
Alex: You wanna fuck wit this?!
Bart: Nah ,Nah……Nobody makes a fool outta Bart Caputo!
Alex: You talk about yourself like you are of some importance…..In actuality you are a complete douchebag that knows nothing of mathematics or logic.
Bart: Oh Fock Thaaat….
Alex: There's only one way to settle this shiznit.
Background Voice: Dance off ….dance off…(echoes)
(Michael Jackson- Thriller)
Alex does Thriller dance to portion of the song. While Bart who goes next dances completely insane…Finishing up with the Robot.
-Alex gets pissed and punches Bart in the face.
-The music comes to s screeching Holt, as Bart falls onto the ground in slow motion.
Phil: Ohhhh Shit! You Just Got knocked the Fuck OUT! BAM!
-Alex walks over, helps Bart up…and then proceeds to shake his hand.
Bart: I knew you had it in you buddy.
Alex: I knew you were a better dancer than me. I was just lookin for a reason to punch your teeth in.
Bart: What can I say other than…..You’re dead. (Bart laughs hysterically)
Alex: Let’s get outta here….see ya’ll later……fags! (laughs)
Bart: (Laughs) peath out.
-Alex and Bart walk to Alex’s car, get in and peel out. Bart sticks his head out the window with a stupid grin on his face and flips the people off outside that dance.
Scene II: McRonalds Drive through
-Bart and Alex pull up to the drive through at McRonalds. Alex is driving.
McRonalds Worker: Can I take your order?
Alex: Yes, you can if you hold on one moment.
Ok what do you want douchebag.
Bart: Shut Up! Now…What can I get for a dollar? (Squinting staring all around the menu)
Alex: Well the dollar menu is right there you fuck. (chuckles)
Bart: (Laughs) Can I get the “ Colossal McRon ”, No onions, and a Coke.
McRonalds Worker: Anything else?
Alex: Yes, he’s not the only one in the vehicle.
So Bart….What do ya think of the uhh double burger with the uhh cheese?
Bart: I don’t know?
Alex: I think it tastes like garbage… All right I’ll have the umm.. Double burger with the …cheese
McRonalds Worker: The double cheeseburger?
Alex: uhhh…ya. Without the cats-up and mustard, a sota, coke, and a hot fudge sundae.
McRonalds Worker: Would you like nuts with that?
Alex: No thanks I have some right here.
Oh and by the way can I have a FREE smile with that? (Trying not to laugh)
McRonalds Worker: Sure. Pull ahead to the first Window.
-Alex drives up to the first window to pay for the purchase.
McRonalds Worker: ok and your total was, $10.28.
Alex: you got any change Bart?
Bart: No, you can pay for it now, and I’ll give you the money later.
Alex: Are you serious? (giving the look of “No Fuckin Way”
Gimme your change!
Bart: You betta watch your tone.
Alex: Fine. You know ima kill you right?!
-Alex proceeds to give the worker the money.
Bart: (Laughs as if he’s never gonna give Alex the money)
-Alex Drives up to the second window
McRonalds Worker: (gives the food) okay your all set.
Bart: Hey where’s that smile that we ordered?
-clerk smiles
Bart: There it is.
Alex: Beautiful.
- Alex and Bart pull away and onto the street where they head to their next place to go.
Scene III: The Brother
-Alex and Bart drive up to Alex’s house where they’re planning on grabbing movies from Alex’s brother’s room. When Alex pulls into the driveway, you can hear the exhaust and how loud it is because it’s broken. Alex and Bart then proceed to walk into the house and then straight to Phil’s (Alex’s brothers) room, They open the door. Phil is in his sleeping pants with a shirt with holes in it, watching television while laying down on his futon.
Phil: Brother!….Hey Bart.
Bart: What’s up?
Alex: Wearing the same clothes you were yesterday huh? And your in the same exact spot… have you moved?
Phil: Shut the fuck up! Oh by the way.. How’s your car? (Sounding sarcastic)
Alex: Dude…. its fine.
Phil: No it’s not. I heard the garbage on wheels coming up route 23.
Bart: (Laughs hysterically)
Alex: (pissed off look on face) shut up. Whatever… we just came to grab some movies.
Phil: Don’t forget to sign them out.
Bart: Sign out?
Alex: yeah… my brother thinks he’s a fricken movie rental place.
Bart: HAHAHHAHA
-Alex grabs Club Dread, and Mortal Kombat, and walks out of the bedroom.
Bart: Well…see ya later.
-Alex and Bart leave
Scene IV: Car Ride to Bartolos’ House
-Alex and Bart walk out to Alex’s Toyota Celica. Alex unlocks the driver side door. Bart yanks on the handle of the passenger side door. Alex gets pissed.
Alex: (Giving a dirty look) Do it again…See what happens.
Bart: What?!
Alex: nothing (aggravation in voice)
-Alex starts the car, they pull away. They drive…. (Gigi D’Alessio Song)
One mile away is where barts house lays… They pull into the driveway. Alex gets out first.
Alex: Bart! Get outta the Car!
Bart: I’m go..
Alex: Is the door shut?
Bart: You’re pushin me right now, and I don’t like it.
Alex and Bart walk toward the door of Barts home.
Scene IV: Barts House and What it Do
Alex and Bart walk to Barts room and start the discussion of an amazing idea…..
Bart: Alex…. I got an idea…its genius …pure genius.
Alex: can’t wait to hear this…
Bart: would you shut up for a minute.. Now look how about we play in the Gus Macker.
Alex: and we could make jerseys, I don’t even understand how could someone like you, come up with an idea of such genius?
Bart: yeah (laughs)
Alex: but we gotta start training early.
Bart: yeah I know.
Alex: oh this is gonna be awesome, were gonna play music when we come out (laughs) completely insane.
4 hours goes by
Alex and Bart get into a scuffle and now want to completely beat the hell out of each other….
Alex: you fuckin scumbag….
Bart: Hey! I’m Italian.
Bart scratches, pinches, bites… Alex then grabs Bart by the hair and punches him across the jaw. They both fall to the ground, Alex gets to his knees and Bart gets up quick the dropkicks Alex into the entertainment center. That ends the fight.
They shake hands then proceed to watch Mortal Kombat.
Scene V: Rick a.k.a Colonal Dick
-Its 7am and the doorbell rings 3 times in a row…who could it be?
Rick: Barrt! Barrt! YOU UP! ……………..C’mon Bart, I don’t have all DAY!
Bart: ……….(Still in bed, eyes open wide) ….yeah.
Rick: Get out here bart!
Bart: Allright…im coming
( Bart walks outside)
Rick: What? Still sleepin? What are you doing that for? What Are your plans today?
Bart: ummmmm…
Rick: Nothin, I’ll tell you what your gonna do today, - work.
Bart: I have stuff to do …( quiet voice)
Rick: Like what sit on your thumb and rotate? Im not gonna let you sit around all day inside watchin tv and vegitate. Ill tell you what I want done, I want this lawn and next doors done by today! Not tommarrow or Friday, today, and bart if its not done, if its not done……Your grounded. GOT IT!?
Bart: yeah
Rick: You got it! Allright, now what are you doing tommarrow ? Are you coming to dinner?
Bart: Well, I was thinking I was gonna go to Alexs’ (as twirls his hair)
Rick: Allright, ok well fine.
Rick: ok I’ll see ya later. When I come by later you better be working.
Bart: ok…why are you yelling?
Rick: Im not yelling, I naturally have a loud voice. Bye
Bart: Bye.
Time Passes , practices go by and The Gus Macker Begins……
Song hits…. (European…)
-Alex, Bart, Joel, Paul proceed to walk out onto the court in slow motion to their first game...which did not go as planned…
They play the “misfits” and lose ridiculously bad from this loser hitting 3 pointers.
They walk away from the game disappointed, but are talking of their plans about the next game.
The Scerman Ameritais are now pumped and ready to take on the next team, little sleezers greatest.
Alex, Joel, Bart, and Paul are having a very good game. Alex hits countless lay ups and Paul and Joel are hitting 3 pointers while Bart’s defense is relentless.
They defeat the team and go on to the Toilet Bowl Championships where each of their hopes and dreams lie within the game.
Alex: Good luck everybody.
Bart: yeah well you’re the only one whose gonna need that.
Alex: yo fuck you, you wanna fuckin fight right now.
Bart: Alex if you were half the man I was then you be a pretty good guy.
Alex: after this game you and me, were gonna throw down. (Laughs)
The Scerman Ameritais lose the big game. Disappointment fills the team and they go on……