Homeworklesson ‘Literatuur’ 22

Huiswerk oefening 22.1

Vertaal een stuk van een boek. U mag het boek zelf kiezen.

Probeer zo'n 50 zinnen te vertalen.

Tijdens het webcammen kunt u me dit stuk voorlezen.

Kunt u me ook vertellen wat ervoor en erna gebeurt?

TEKST 2

Practical business: Read this tekst. Youcan talk aboutitduring the webcam session.

Pleasereadthisarticleabout the directness of Dutch people:

Dealingwith Dutch Directness: disconnect or connect?

September 12, 2014 Expat Life, by Cara Crisler

Didyou catch the tongue-in-cheekarticle, "10 waysto fit into Dutch society” (posted 3 June, 2014 on expatsHaarlem), writtenby Simon Woolcot (a.k.a. Amsterdam Shallow Man)?

I was entertainedforsure, which I imagine was the whole point.

I alsorealizedthatsome of uscouldpossiblyusesome more tangible, serious tools whendealingwith the Dutch, especiallytheirtendencytobeuprightand direct aboutwhat is on their mind.

Where I grew up (the Southern U.S.), people are trained at anearlyageto "not say anythingifyoudon’t have somethingniceto say.”

Youcanimagine the cultural shock I experiencedwhen I first cameto the Netherlands.

I justcouldn’teasily accept or adaptto the bizarre (to me) behavior of speakingopenlyanddirectlyabouttheirperspective, opinions, judgments, analysis, etc.

It was a lot to take in, notonlybecause I wasn’tusedtothis kind of transparency (I myselfjudgedtobebrazenlyrude at first), but alsobecause I was aninsecuremother of tworambunctiousyoungchildren. So I received plenty of advice, mostlyfromolderwomenwherever I went in public. I figuredtheycould sense myfearandenjoyed putting me throughhell. Or somethinglikethat.

Sothis story (andothers I made up about "beingunfairlyjudged”) was somewhatparalyzingto me for a while. I went out in public as little as possible in order toavoid the Dutch directnesswhich I had cometoutterlydread.

I didn’tknowwhatto DO withit, howtorespond, howto stop my story-making brainfrom running looseand feeling more insecure.

The ironicthing is thatmybehavior of avoidingsocialsituationsserved as a barriertomyown goal of connection, expandingmysocial life and community!

At one point, I started a new career as a coach andcommunication trainer, with a heavy focus on the Nonviolent Communication model.

Among the manyusefulthings I have learned, I nowknowhowtotransformjudgmentintoconnection.

Here are the twokey steps I use, followedbyanexample:When I hearsomeoneexpresswhat I perceive as a judgment, I do twothings:

1.I tellmyself I did NOTHING wrong (if I believe I did, I’mlikelyto feel defensiveanddisconnect)

2.I get curious – seize the opportunity toconnecttowhat’s important tohim/her byaskingquestions.

Dutch person:"What are youAmericans thinking withall of your ‘right tobear arms’ nonsense – don’tyouseetoomany innocent people are gettingkilled?”

Curious me:(I thinktomyself, "this is notabout me – I’vedonenothing wrong.”)

"Are youconcernedabout the safety of Americansandwishthatcircumstancesaround gun control in the U.S. couldbe different?”

[Note:Defensive me would more likelyspout off: "We don’tallagreethatgunsshouldbesoreadilyaccessible!” So even thoughthere is likely agreement betweenus, we experiencelittle or no connectionbecause of the words/tone we chose toexpressourselves.]

So, in myexperience, curiosity is somethinglike the opposite of judgment. Askingquestions invites peopleto slow down andexplorewhythey say whatthey say andtheyexperiencebeingseen, heardandunderstood. Veryempathic, connecting stuff.