USA Today article October 14, 2002

10 seatmates from hell
I knew I was in trouble the instant I saw them — a litter of 10-year-old hockey players, scattered throughout the plane. Three of the little devils were seated in the row behind me. Once the coach finished instructing the team of NHL hopefuls to behave, he strategically disappeared into the first class cabin. As soon as he had vanished behind that curtain, all hell broke loose. This flight back from Montreal was a three hour eternity of shouting, fighting, food throwing, running up and down the aisles, and kicking the back of my seat. Thank goodness their hockey sticks were stowed with the luggage.
Like the other passengers, I tried to be a good sport until I got hit in the head with a bag of peanuts. That pushed me over the line. Resisting the urge to turn around and strangle one of the little imps, I decided to leave diplomacy to American Airlines and rang my call button instead. Of course every time the flight attendants came by to quell the disturbance, the hocky gang transformed into little angels. When no one was watching, the fighting resumed.
Sound familiar? That's right — the seatmates from hell. We all know them. The rude, the loud, the chatty, the belligerent, the inebriated.
Here are 10 of the worst:
1. The first time flier: I knew I was seated next to one when she asked, which (lavatory) was the ladies room. In my 31 years of frequent flying I've had to reassure many nervous, first time fliers that every noise and movement of the plane was normal. I don't mind answering the most basic questions or consoling jittery fliers, but I prefer to retreat into my imaginary bubble and use my quiet time in the air to read, work, think, or sleep.
2. The incessant talker: It never fails. I always seem to be seated next to the young recruit on his way to sweet home Alabama fresh from a six-month tour of duty in the frozen Artic. He's so excited to return to civilization that he just has to share his stories and photos with every hapless stranger he encounters. Whether he's chatting to you, another seatmate, or someone 1,000 miles away over the phone, he's talking too much and too loud. I try to ignore the seatmates who insist on talking to me while I'm trying to work or sleep, but even a pair of headphones may not afford you peace and serenity against the truly obnoxious.
3. The busybody: These are the people who are constantly looking over your shoulder to see what you're doing. When my eyesight was better, I used to reduce the print size on my computer screen in an attempt at privacy. Now I just turn the screen away from the intruder or try to block the view with my head or body. Rakesh Gangwal, the former CEO of US Airways, tried to solve the prying eyes problem by installing seats with no space between them, but the well-intentioned measure failed when fliers couldn't put the arm rests up.
4. The flagrant fragrant: This includes those men and women who wear too much perfume or haven't discovered toothpaste, deodorant or foot powder. Nor can I tolerate the passengers who bring French fries onboard or think they're at home in the boudoir, trimming nails or applying nail polish in flight.
5. The seat kicker: Usually it's the pint sized fliers who enjoy kicking the seat in front of them or banging on the tray table, but not always. Babies are cute, except when they're screaming or drooling on your important papers. I love kids, but admit to wishing they were seated far from me when the tantrum hits.
6. The lounger: This is the traveler seated in front of you who suddenly slams his or her seat back into your face — without warning — and keeps it there for the duration of the flight, regardless of the time of day. Nothing ruins my appetite faster then having someone's dandruff flakes falling into my food. This category also encompasses the space invader who was never taught to share as a child and thus believes that both armrests belong to him or her.
7. The sloppy eater: In the game of life there are two kinds of people — those who spill and those who get spilled upon. It's OK when those who spill only spill on themselves. But watch out for the seatmate who insists on drinking hot coffee during turbulence and puts his or her cup on the edge of the tray table closest to you.
8. The wanderer: This is the passenger who can't sit still and invariably ends up wandering the aisles. Sometimes they visit friends in other parts of the plane. Other times they constantly jump up to retrieve items in the overhead bin. Sometimes they're just restless and wander around in a daze. Most of the time, they appear just as the flight attendants start serving food or drinks, clogging the aisles and disrupting service for the rest of us.
9. The contagious: These are the folks constantly sneezing or coughing throughout the flight. Clearly, they should be home in bed. I know that sooner or later we all have to travel when we're not feeling up to par, but perhaps the airlines should rope off a section of the plane — like they do at the pediatrician's office — for the quarantined so that the rest of us can stay healthy.
10. The incontinent: This is the seatmate who disturbs the rest of us every 20 minutes to visit the lavatory. I have to admit that I fall into this category. Just put someone between me and the aisle and those biological urges are sure to call. Please don't ever stick me in the window seat. I don't want to make anyone else miserable.
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David Grossman is a veteran business traveler and former airline industry executive. He writes a column every other week on topics of interest and concern to business travelers. Email him at