April Meeting: April 12, 2011 at 7:30 P.M.
The Hills Church of Christ, 6300 NE Loop 820, North Richland Hills
Driving Directions
From East 820, exit Rufe Snow; turn left (north) onto Rufe Snow; turn left (west) at light; stay on access road; turn left (south) at stop sign onto Meadow Lakes Dr.
From West 820, exit Meadow Lakes Dr. & turn left (south) at stop sign.
The Hills Church of Christ is on the south side of the loop. Use the northeast entrance with the covered circular drive. There will be a security guard on duty.
Church phone: 817-281-0773
Birthday Table
March & April birthdays will be celebrated at the April meeting.
If your child’s, grandchild’s,
or sibling’s birthday is
in March or April,
please feel free to bring
a photo or memento of them
for the birthday table.
TCF National Office
P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Fax: 630-990-0246
Toll-free: 877-969-0010
9 A.M. - 5 P.M., CST, Mon.-Fri.
Email:
Website:
www.compassionatefriends.org
Facebook:
The Compassionate Friends/USA
To those of you
who are newly bereaved
and receiving our newsletter
for the first time,
we warmly invite you to
The Compassionate Friends.
We are a self-help organization
of parents, grandparents
and adult siblings
who have experienced
the death of a loved one.
We offer
understanding and support through our monthly meetings,
a lending library,
support materials
and loving telephone listeners.
Please do not be afraid
to come to a gathering.
Every other person in the room has lost a child,
grandchild or sibling.
They come because they feel
the need to be with someone else
who understands.
We know it takes courage
to attend that first gathering,
but those who do come find
an atmosphere of understanding
from others who have experienced
the grief that you have now.
Nothing is asked of you.
There are no dues or fees
and you do not have to speak.
There is a special feeling at meetings
of The Compassionate Friends.
We meet the second Tuesday
of every month.
Upcoming Meetings
Apr. 12th – Follow up discussion on “Signs from our Children”
May 10th – Keynote speech from last year’s National Conference
Jun. 14th, 7 P.M. – Butterfly Release
at Holy Family Catholic Church
New Members
We want to extend a very warm,
loving, and understanding “Welcome” to our new friends
who attended the March meeting:
Bricia Saldivar Castro
for the loss of her son
Lori Godbee & Freeman Harvey
for the loss of their son
Joe & Shelley Reed
for the loss of their son
Tom Rogers
for the loss of his daughter
Stan Short
for the loss of his son
Channan Soppe
for the loss of her daughter
Michelle Vernon-Cole
for the loss of her granddaughter
Billy & Nola Watson
for the loss of their daughter
TCF Fort Worth Chapter
Steering Committee
Chapter Leaders
Jeff & Marty Martin
817-991-9121
Treasurer
Steve Roberts
817-914-8689
Hospitality
Marty Akeman
817-636-5645
Christine Anderson
817-300-6196
Lydia Moore
817-829-3801
Newsletter
Becky Long
817-275-9297
Librarian
Patty Gallagher
817-861-1491
Committee Members
Crys Aigner
Joy & Neil Brenckman
Lori Dean Carver
Charles & Genie Dean
Janet DuPertuis
Cheryl Dean Lopez
Regional Coordinators
Joan and Bill Campbell
972-935-0673
Fort Worth Chapter Website
www.thecompassionatefriendsfw.com
Thanks to Carrie Wallace of DFW Personal Assistant for designing and maintaining our web page.
Need to Talk?
Listed below are parents, grandparents and siblings
who have walked
where you are today.
If you are having a difficult day
and just want to talk, please call.
Addiction
Helen Dement
817-431-6964
Auto
Jeff & Marty
817-991-9121
Multiple Loss/
Loss of a Grandchild
Lydia
817-829-3801
Drowning
Debi
817-523-5037
Long Term Illness
Marty
817-636-5645
Homicide/Only Child
Steve
817-914-8689
Suicide
Glinda
817-485-3772
Siblings
Cheryl
817-624-7043
Want to share?
If you have read an article,
poem or book that has helped you along your grief journey,
please share it with our newsletter editor.
We also encourage you to submit
your own works of poetry or
prose for our newsletter.
Love Gifts
Thurman & Erica Schultz
in memory of
their son
If you wish for your love gift to be listed in a particular month’s newsletter, it must be submitted by the 15th of the previous month.
Please send your Love Gifts to:
Steve Roberts
3240 Jetranger Rd.
Hurst, TX 76053
Firemen’s 5K
The 13th annual Firemen’s 5K and One Mile Fun Run will be held at 8 A.M. on Saturday, May 28th, at Arborlawn United Methodist Church, 5001 Briarhaven, Fort Worth.
All proceeds from this race of over 800 runners will benefit the Fort Worth Chapter of The Compassionate Friends and The WARM Place. This is a major source of funds for our chapter.
Volunteers are also needed to pass out packets, point out the route or distribute water to the runners. If you can commit to a Thursday evening meeting and the Saturday morning of Memorial Day weekend, please call Lori Carver at 817-819-5530 or e-mail .
We invite you to join us to walk or run in memory of your loved one. Online registration is now available at www.active.com. Registration fees are $18, until May 15th, $20 May 16th to 24th, and $25 on race day.
A registration form and pledge sheet are at the back of this newsletter.
News from our
Chapter Leaders
Steering Committee Meeting
Our next Steering Committee meeting will be Saturday, April 2, 11 A.M., at the Cotton Patch Café, 3940 NW Loop 820 (Azle exit) in Lake Worth. Membership in the Steering Committee is open to all chapter members; please join us as we plan our future programs.
Signs From Our Children
Due to time constraints and the positive response from those in attendance, we will continue the discussion from the February meeting of different ways our loved ones communicate to us from the afterlife at the April meeting.
May’s meeting will feature a recording of the keynote speech from last year’s National Conference by Senator Gordon Smith, a bereaved parent.
Butterfly Release in June!
Our annual butterfly release will be held this year on June 14th, at
7 P.M. at Holy Family Catholic Church. Join us to release a beautiful butterfly in memory of your loved one. Feel free to invite friends or other family members to this special event. We ask that you bring a dish to share for the potluck afterwards.
Picture Button Machine
We will have the picture button machine at the April meeting. Please bring a 4x6 copy of a picture of your loved one if you wish to have a picture button made.
With the motto “Shining Stars – Guiding Hope,” TCF’s 34th National Conference July 15-17, 2011 in Minneapolis/St. Paul Minnesota is now open for early registration.
Our members can register for the conference online or by downloading a conference registration brochure from the national website. If you don’t have Internet access, you can also call the National Office Toll Free at 877-969-0010 to be sent the registration brochure.
This conference, which is anticipating 1200 to attend, will feature keynote speakers: David Morrell, bereaved parent and grandparent, author of the poignant Fireflies, although perhaps best known for creating Rambo (adopted to the big screen with Sylvester Stallone); Carol Kearns, bereaved parent and psychologist, author of the book Sugar Cookies and a Nightmare; Mary Rondeau Westra who recently published her memoir After the Death of My Son; and Mitch Carmody bereaved parent and sibling, author of Letters to my Son and presenter of the popular TCF workshop “Whispers of Love, Sings from Our Children.”
Besides great speakers, the conference will feature more than 100 workshops covering most areas of grief after the death of a child, including workshops for those with no remaining children, and also a complete program for bereaved siblings. Sharing sessions, a Reflection Room, Hospitality Suites, Butterfly Boutique, and a complete bookstore will be available at the conference, as well as an orientation for first-timers. There will be Friday afternoon and Saturday evening banquets culminating with a remembrance
candle lighting at the close of the Saturday banquet. Special entertainment provided free Friday evening is the comedy “How to talk Minnesotan The Musical,” the longest running stage play in the state.
Sunday, the twelfth annual Compassionate Friends two-mile Walk to Remember® begins at 8 a.m. and up to 1200 are expected to walk, carrying as many as 15,000 names of children being remembered (names can be submitted online to be carried in the Walk).
Early conference registration is $85 for adults ages 18 and up, and $35 for siblings ages 9-17 and full-time college students. Early registration ends June 10 at which point there is an increase in regis-tration costs. Walk to Remember early registration is $20.
Reservations are also being accepted for the host hotel, the Sheraton Bloomington Hotel, Minneapolis South. Online reservations are available, as well as by contacting the hotel directly. Special room rates are $129 per night for King or Double Bed with third and fourth persons at an additional $10 each in the same room. These rates are available until June 1, subject to availability.
When our daughters were growing up the arrival of spring-time was a favorite time of the year, filled with anticipation of the coming of special days of family fun. The freshness of the air, the brilliant colors of spring time trees and flowers, and the song of the birds returned from their winter retreat resounded the message of hope and that life was good. We had survived another cold, snowy Michigan winter and were soon to be rewarded with blue sky, sunshine and temperatures well above freezing!
Birthdays in our family were a time of celebration together. Each year Larry, Anna, Debbie and I, and perhaps a friend or two, would celebrate Anna’s April birthday by dining at her favorite Mexican restaurant. There would be lots of silliness and laughter. During her teenage years, Anna would always forewarn us not to have the staff come to our table to sing their crazy birthday song. Of course, since we always insisted that our role as parents was to embarrass our children, her threats and warnings could not stop our tomfoolery. I believe she secretly enjoyed the attention.
As Mother’s Day approached, we looked forward again to spending the day together as a family. We would attend church, go out for my favorite brunch, have lots of conversation, fill our bellies to the max, laugh until we cried, be silly, make memories... That was before…
Then the unthinkable happened. My April child died. How could those special days of love and togetherness, laughter and fun become among the most dreaded days a mother must face? How could those days that we had once anticipated with joy and excitement bring such unbelievable heartache and confusion, loneliness and tears?
During those first few years we were simply lost. This was new, undesired, and certainly not requested, territory that we had been forced to enter. What were we supposed to do? How were we supposed to act? I just wanted to run away on her birthday. For several years we did just that. With hearts filled with the numbness of fresh grief, our restructured family of three would hop in the car and head out-of-town. We would spend the day busying ourselves with whatever it took to survive. We would laugh half-heartedly, share memories, or cry together as we struggled to discover our new identity as a family without Anna’s physical presence.
As always, only a few short weeks following Anna’s birthday Mother’s Day would arrive right on schedule. The traditions we had come to love and enjoy became intensely painful. It became an impossible task to attend church services or go out for brunch. Seeing families enjoying their togetherness pierced my heart with an endless ache. My tear-filled eyes burned at the thought of being surrounded by “intact” families. Feelings of anger and resentment overwhelmed my heart. On the inside I wanted to lash out at all those mothers and fathers who were surrounded by all of their children and those sisters and brothers who had no clue what it would be like to lose a sibling. As the day drew to a close I felt tremendous relief that it was over. Exhausted, I would lay silently with my head on my pillow as quiet tears lulled me to sleep.
It seems impossible that it has been nine birthdays and nine Mothers’ Days since Anna died. In my heart it was only yesterday. I can still see her smile and hear her laugh. I can feel the warmth of a quick hug as she heads out the door. With each passing year
comes a new reality of what it means to be a bereaved parent, of what it means to find a new normal for our lives. The pain continues to occasionally catch me off guard, but it is softer now. The tears still come, but less frequently. Warm memories bring joyful moments to the emptiness. I smile quietly to myself, reassured that Anna lives on in our hearts and lives, as well as in the hearts and lives of those around us. Once again each April we celebrate the day of her birth, for her life has been a gift of unimaginable joy. Our traditional Mother’s day rituals have changed to new ones. There is more laughter now, fewer painful tears. I rejoice that I can celebrate that I am Debbie’s Mom, and now Scott’s mother-in-law, as well! Life is good.
The winter has been long and cold, as has been the winter of our grief. Springtime has arrived. The sunshine and blue sky, the purple crocus and yellow daffodils pushing through the warming earth bring hope of renewal and reassurance that life continues. Although there is an irreparable hole in my soul and an emptiness in my heart that will never leave, I am forever grateful that Anna lived with us for 23 years. I am eternally thankful that I am and I always will be Anna’s Mom. May the warmth and brilliance of springtime fill your hearts with times of peace and hope and love.
Paula Funk, TCF Petoskey, MI