Annual Butterfly Release & Potluck: June 11, 2013 at 7 P.M.
Please note the earlier start time and different location!
Holy Family Catholic Church, 6150 Pershing Ave., Fort Worth
New Members
We want to extend
a very warm, loving,
and understanding “Welcome”
to our new friends who attended
the April and May meetings:
Donna Shaw
for the loss of her daughter
Debbie Cheeseman and
Fernando Salvador
for the loss of their daughter
Kwan and Sian Oei
for the loss of their daughter
Adrian Reeves and
Catherine Sembajwe Reeves
for the loss of their daughter
Zuri Reeves
for the loss of her sister
The Steering Committee
of TCF’s new Southlake Chapter
No Birthday Table in June
Due to the butterfly release,
there will be no birthday table
at the June meeting.
June and July birthdays will be celebrated at the July meeting.
When a child dies, at any age,
the family suffers intense pain
and may feel hopeless and isolated.
The Compassionate Friends
provides highly personal comfort,
hope, and support to every family
experiencing the death
of a son or a daughter,
a brother or a sister, or a grandchild,
and helps others better assist
the grieving family.
Love Gifts
Janie Rucker
in memory of her daughter
Michael Davidson
in memory of his sons
A Love Gift is a donation made in honor of a child who has died or as a memorial to a relative or friend. Newsletter sponsorships are also available for $250, which is the current cost of printing and mailing over 300 newsletters each month.
They are tax deductible and are the only means that allow us to reach out to other bereaved families through books, programs and this newsletter. If you would like, you can specify that your love gift be used for the newsletter, continuing education/workshops, or books for our lending library.
If you wish for your love gift or sponsorship to be listed in a particular month’s newsletter, it must be submitted by the 15th of the previous month.
Send donations to Steve Roberts
P.O. Box 202654, Arlington, 76006
Butterfly Release in June!
Make plans to join us to release a butterfly in memory of your loved one on June 11th, at 7 P.M. at Holy Family Catholic Church. We ask that you bring a dish to share afterwards.
Feel free to bring other family members and friends of all ages to this special event.
Directions to Holy Family Catholic Church: Take I-30 from either direction to the Bryant Irvin exit. If you are coming from the west, turn left on Bryant Irvin Road, then left on Pershing Avenue after you cross the highway. If you are coming from the east, turn right on Guilford Road, then left on Pershing Avenue. The church will be on your right.
Upcoming Meetings
July 9th – Guest speaker, bereaved
sibling, Brittany Tew
Aug. 13th – You’re Not Crazy,
You’re Grieving
Sept. 10th – What Helps You?
Oct. 8th – Handling the Holidays
Panel Discussion
Nov. 12th – Annual Remembrance
Memorial, 7 P.M.
Dec. 10th – Discussion Groups
TCF Fort Worth Chapter
Steering Committee
Chapter Leaders
Jeff & Marty Martin
817-991-9121
Treasurer
Steve Roberts
817-914-8689
Hospitality
Marty Akeman
817-636-5645
Christine Anderson
817-300-6196
Lydia Moore
817-829-3801
Newsletter
Becky Long
817-275-9297
Librarian
Patty Gallagher
817-861-1491
Committee Members
Charles & Genie Dean
Janet DuPertuis
Liz Hutchison
Thanks to the staff members of Greenwood-Mt. Olivet for manning the sign in table and providing the name tags at our chapter meetings. We appreciate your help!
Chapter Website
www.thecompassionatefriendsfw.com
Regional Coordinators
Joan and Bill Campbell
972-935-0673
Need to Talk?
Listed below are parents, grandparents and siblings who
have walked where you are today.
If you are having a difficult day
and just want to talk, please call.
Addiction
Helen
817-431-6964
Auto
Jeff & Marty
817-991-9121
Grandchild/Multiple Loss
Lydia
817-829-3801
Drowning
Debi
817-270-3275
Drowning (young child)
Stacy
817-656-7540 or 817-845-3433
Long Term Illness
Marty
817-636-5645
Homicide/Only Child
Steve
817-914-8689
Suicide/Only Child
Joy
817-453-2227
Suicide
Glinda
817-485-3772
Siblings
Cheryl
817-624-7043
Middle of the night calls
Liz
817-726-3999
Want to share?
We encourage you to submit
your own works of poetry or
prose for our newsletter.
Chapter News
At our July meeting, twice-bereaved sibling Brittany Tew will share her grief journey with us. Brittany is Miss South Texas and the author of the children’s book, Triumphing Over Tragedy: Overcoming Adversity. In August, we’ll discuss the many facets of normal grief that may seem “crazy” to the rest of the world. In September, we ask that you share something that has helped you or is helping you along your grief journey.
Walk to Remember
Friends Asking Friends
“TCF Fort Worth TX” Team Page
Now Open for Donations
Steve Roberts has set up our chapter’s team page, which can be accessed from the Home Page of the National Website. On the right hand “News & Information” column, click on “Read More” under the “Join in the Friends Asking Friends Fundraiser.” Then on the left hand column of that page, under “Visitors,” click on “Donate to a Participant” and type in Steve’s name in the participant search box, and follow the directions from there. You can also click “Spread the Word” to email the link to family and friends. Our chapter gets to keep a percentage of the donations made to our team. To have the link emailed to you, please contact either Steve or Becky at or .
Thanks to Janie Rucker
for sharing an original work
in this month’s newsletter.
TCF National Office
The Compassionate Friends
P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Fax: 630-990-0246
Toll-free: 877-969-0010
9 A.M. - 5 P.M., CST, Mon.-Fri.
Email:
Website:
www.compassionatefriends.org
The website contains links to TCF’s national and regional conferences, brochures, e-newsletter, online support community, We Need Not Walk Alone magazine, “Healing the Grieving Heart” and “The Open to Hope Show” radio program archives, webinars, chapter websites, and other resources.
Facebook:
The Compassionate Friends/USA
In Spanish:
Los Amigos Compasivos/USA
Twitter:
Text follow TCFofUSA to 40404
Fort Worth Chapter
Recognized for 35th Anniversary
Recently the TCF Board of Directors, marked our chapter‘s 35th anniversary, with a letter, excerpted below:
“To be long running and successful, a chapter must have many caring people, both in the leadership and membership. Your chapter has, without a doubt, been blessed with dedicated and committed individuals throughout its many years of existence…You have our heartfelt appreciation… because you have taken the time to be there and truly care. Your contributions to your chapter, community, and society are an incredible tribute to all of your children!”
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the success of our chapter over so many years!
There were so many people who couldn’t understand the length of time it takes a grieving parent to go through the process. From my personal and professional experienced, I would say it takes anywhere from seven to nine years before a bereaved parent can say, “OK, I know how to handle the bad days now, and I can live with this pain.” This is not to say that a grieving parent is in constant emotional pain for all those years.
A healthy response to grief will initially include intense pain, which will eventually diminish over the years. It will never go away completely, but it will diminish, I promise. Birthdays, holidays, and the yearly anniversary of the death will always be a reminder of the loss and will rekindle sadness and a sense of longing for what could have been; what should have been.
One of the things that best helped me was for me to help others. Somehow, my emptiness helped to fill up their emptiness and their emptiness filled up mine. That wonderful priest and I developed a spiritual retreat for bereaved parents. I’ve heard it said that grief shared is grief diminished, and the weekend spent at the retreat helped do that for many people over the years.
During the retreats, we would do “The Angels’ Walk.” It was a very healing visualization and meditation on what happened at the moment of death and how the angels carried the child into the arms of a loving God. The evaluations received afterward spoke to how consoling and healing that experience was.
Looking back, I can see I reached out in many different ways to help myself. If I read about a child who died, I wrote a note to the parents. I shared with them that there were many other bereaved parents who knew what they were going through and would keep them in their thoughts and prayers. I also made myself available to speak with anyone who needed encouragement and support. I even wrote a book called, Healing Broken Hearts: A Book of Signs. It is a collection of letters from bereaved parents who received sign from God and/or their deceased children, as well as chapters written by me and other professionals in the field. Writing was very cathartic for me.
If I could leave you with a thought, it would be this: You will help yourself by helping others. That was the lesson I learned from my painful journey. We are all here to help one another. Try it.
By Anne Byrnes, MS, CT
Reprinted from We Need Not Walk Alone
Summer 2007
Mystery
I bought toys for my baby
after she died
And I opened the cedar chest
and put them inside
And nobody ever knew but me
The meaning of the mystery
Of brand new toys hidden
here and there
And not one baby anywhere.
By Andy Cipriano
TCF Tallahassee, FL
A Father Mourns Too
I just watched another TV commercial for cologne, which is the first sign of the approach of Father's Day. Like other fathers, I know the gift I'd like to get this Father's Day, just as I know there is no way that it will happen—my son's life, an opportunity not to hurt when I see boys who are his age, a chance to dream those dreams for that little boy again. But that's not going to happen. Instead I will get up on that day, having called my own father the night before to wish him a happy Father's Day, and I will go to the cemetery to place flowers on my son's grave. I will stand alone and cry for a time and then return home to my wife and new infant son. This year we will have a greater measure of peace because of the birth of our son, but I shall always have a hole in my soul, a longing that I know I will have until I die.
Like many bereaved fathers, I have felt misunderstood about how a father should mourn and for how long. I do not understand how a society can have such a belief in the strength of maternal love and do such a good job ignoring the intensity of paternal love. From the people whose only question at my son's memorial service was how was my wife dealing with this tragedy, to the longtime friend who didn't under-stand my choking up after watching a Hallmark commercial, it seems that many around us have difficulty understanding a father's grief.
So, support and love is needed and needed badly. Of course, we have Compassionate Friends, but something more personal and closer to home is needed. I hope that bereaved fathers will not be forgotten on Father's Day. It is often said that we don't often talk of our emotional needs and are reluctant to show our pain, but we too need love when we hurt. Please remember us on Father's Day and remember that the cute little commercials that hurt mothers in May take their toll on fathers in June.
By Doug Hughes
TCF Las Vegas, NV
It has often bothered me that more men and persons of cultural minorities don’t attend TCF meetings. I know there are societal and cultural restraints which inhibit many bereaved persons from seeking outside help or support. Being both a man and a member of an ethnic group, I know very well the false pride which often restrains us from admitting we are not as self-sufficient as we want others to believe. We are taught (men in particular) at a young age not to reveal when we are hurt. We must be strong and brave and silent.
Stoic endurance is really not unique in any culture. The British call it “keeping a stiff upper lip.” The Japanese call it gaman. Hispanics pride themselves on their ability to aguantar. In the U.S. it is embodied in the Puritan ethic.
When I began attending TCF meetings regularly, I wondered for a long time whether I was a “real man.” Was I less macho than my peers? Couldn’t I handle my grief in solitary dignity? The answers, I finally decided, were yes, no, and maybe. Maybe I could have adjusted to my son’s death all by myself. Maybe I could have shunned the possibilities of self-destructive behavior, drunkenness, drug abuse, wild living, or the unraveling of my family life without TCF. Maybe I could have dealt alone with all the anger, despair, and depression. Fortunately I didn’t have to.
I readily admit I wasn’t very enthusiastic about going to my first TCF meeting. I imagined a group of people sitting around crying on each other’s shoulders, bemoaning their cruel fate. Instead, I found people who were hurting as much as I; who, like me, were angry, who also often felt depressed—but who were working very hard to mend the tattered fabric of their lives! I soon discovered that this was a place where I could talk about my grief and still feel safe about it. Nobody was going to think me less of a man for not getting over my son’s death in a few months.
TCF doesn’t promise or offer any quick fixes. There are no magic words or formulas to take away your grief. Whatever “magic” takes place, I know now, happens slowly. I don’t believe it is possible for a bereaved parent to “forget,” but I think TCF’s support and understanding help make it easier for us to go on with our lives. We need not become lifelong emotional cripples.