Grading station- 2 A and B. Supporting paragraphs- Topic/opening claim is clear and present, supportive of thesis.
Example #1
Thesis-Leo Tolstoy’s,The Death of Ivan Ilych, examines a dying man’s realization of an
unfulfilled existence and the influence of his hubris upon his assessment of a previously
satisfactory life.
Ivan blames his own actions and the actions of others for his misery and shortness of life. He hates his wife and family for not loving him and pitying him as he saw fit. Physically he was unwell, but mentally he was plagued with distress and depression. For “his mental sufferings were his chief torture” (81). He battles with blaming himself for not living “as I ought to have done” (78), but says he “did everything properly” (78). Conflicted with regret and determination, he comes to a conclusion and a confession on how his life really was spent. For “It had occurred to him that what had appeared perfectly impossible before, namely that he had not spent his life as he should have done, might after all be true” (81). Ivan contradicts his previous claim that his life was pleasant. In fact, instead of being pleasant and proper, his life ends up being troubling and unsuitable.
The first two sentences support the claim that his hubris, or pride, would not allow for him to take responsibility for the shortcomings in his life. While he blamed others for his problems, he was unlikely to turn the blame upon himself. Thus, this writer has set out a reasonable claim that must be supported with evidence and analysis, and it relates directly to a part of the thesis.
Example #2
Thesis-In the story The Death of Ivan Llychwritten by Leo Tolstoy the Author writes a quote saying “
Ivan Llych’s life had been most simple and most ordinary and therefore most terrible.” He
explains this through the characterization of Ivan and the way he is described throughout the
story.
When Ivan had met Praskovya he had thought she was the most beautiful, clever, and brilliant woman, but he was not in love with her when he had married her. She was in love with him and she had come from a good family, was good looking, and had a little property so he thought why not. Ivan did not marry for love he was simple and wanted to be like everyone else and she had connections and “it was considered the right thing by the most highly placed of his associates.” He did not have a happy marriage because he was not in love. She was more like someone to just be there and not really to have that intimacy with.
So, nothing is highlighted because there is not a connection between the thesis (which is weak by the way, making little real argument and is part of the problem) and the topic sentence. Starting with “when” the paragraph is destined to be a summary paragraph. The paragraph does make a claim about Ivan’s false love for his wife, but that was in the plot of the story, not anything that required analysis. Also, the thesis has been completely abandoned by this paragraph.