Sunday 13th December
Theme - Issues that affect us all - 2- Forgiveness
On arrival - Tie a balloon on to each person’s wrist.
1530 - Mingle Time:
(Four activities, move around or stay with one)
Sorry! board game
Colouring-In
Newspaper articles to cut out and include in final prayers - things that need forgiveness
1550 - Intro:
Welcome
Explain the goal of this group - create a space for us to encounter God
Explain format/Timings
Introduce theme - Issues that affect us all - Anger/Worry/Forgiveness/Self-worth
1555 - Focus Time:
(Three activities, 10 minute slots - move around.)
The Heavy Backpack of Unforgiveness;
The Acid of Unforgiveness;
What isForgiveness;
1630 - Together Time:
Explain significance of balloon on wrist - cut off.
Necessity of forgiveness in the Christian perspective - our only hope is that God forgives us, our only means of accessing this is by forgiving others.
Just Pray - Lord’s Prayer Video
Forgiveness prayer
Using newspaper articles pray for forgiveness.
Distribute Forgiveness Prayer Bookmark and NEARER publicity materials.
1635 - Mingle Time:
Sorry! Game
As you play this game you will have moments when you ‘do the dirty’ on your fellow players - where your own advance is achieved by returning others to their start points.
As you play can you think about times when you have experienced this in real life, or in the lives of people you know?
If so, how do people react when they have been badly treated like that?
What emotions, what thoughts, what responses, what do they do?
How does the theme of forgiveness relate to this kind of experience?
Is forgiveness realistic, sensible, weak, dangerous, impractical, etc.?
Talk through these issues with your fellow players.
Colouring In Activity
Choose a picture to colour-in.
As you colour-in talk around the table about your image, what aspect of forgiveness does this picture illustrate?
Share stories about forgiveness received or denied from your own experience.
What can we learn from such stories?
Where is God in our experience of forgiveness?
How does the life and teaching of Jesus connect with forgiveness?
Newspaper Cut Up
Read through these newspapers and cut out any stories that connect to the theme of forgiveness.
Which stories show the need for forgiveness, the practice of forgiveness, the denial of forgiveness?
Gather up your cut out stories and we will present them to God, praying for His forgiveness to enter into these events and these lives at the end of our time together.
The Heavy Backpack of Unforgiveness
A demonstration of the burden and encumbrance of unforgiveness.
Get someone in the group to put on a heavy rucksack.
Try sitting on a chair, on the floor and getting up again; crawling under the table, tying shoelaces etc.
Discussion:
How would wearing this backpack affect the places we could go?
How would wearing this backpack affect the things we could do? Which things would still be possible but made difficult? Which things would be impossible?
How does this illustrate how unforgiveness affect our lives?
If we have not forgiven someone how does that affect the places we can and can’t go?
The people we can and can’t meet, the events we can and can’t attend?
Any personal stories from your own experience that would illustrate this?
(Villy en Auxois - The naked gardener, he and his father hadn’t spoken in 20 years - but they spent the weekends in the same house, had their meals together, just the two of them.)
How does living with such constraints affect us?
e.g. sapping our energy, causing stress etc.?
8Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.10For,
‘Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
11They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.
12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.’[1] (1 Peter 3:8-12 NIVUK)
What is Forgiveness?
(Read each section together and then discuss as a group)
What is Forgiveness?
‘To understand what forgiveness is, it is important to consider what forgiveness is not. The act of forgiveness does not suggest you have forgotten the injustice. Nor does it imply you condone or excuse the wrongdoer. You are not condemning; that only leads to forgiveness that stems from moral superiority. What’s more, you are not seeking justice or compensation.
When you forgive someone who has deeply hurt you, you let go of resentment and the urge to seek revenge, no matter how deserving of these things the wrongdoer may be. You give the great gifts of acceptance, generosity and love. Though the wrongdoer does not deserve these gifts, you don’t let that stand in your way. You give, not out of pity, not out of grim obligation. Rather, you give because you have chosen to have a merciful heart. A heart with the power to free yourself so you can live a better life.
Yes, forgiveness is a paradox–something that may sound illogical but still works. It is the foregoing of resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer’s actions deserve it. It is giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer’s actions indicate that he/she does not deserve them. As we give the gift of forgiveness, we ourselves are healed.’ (
What’s the difference between forgiving someone and forgetting?
Forgiveness is not memory loss. Depending on the severity of the issue, some things will neverbe forgotten. In fact, it’s not wise because we need to learn from situations. You can’t forget that you
have been raped or abused.
Forgiveness is being able to acceptan offence happened and choose not to hold it against the perpetrator, i.e. not wanting bad stuff tohappen to them as ‘punishment’ for their offence, but wanting good for them in their life.
Forgiveness - a choice or a feeling?
Forgiveness is a choice. All the time we have people in front of us who have hurtus, or haven’t done enough to help us. Will we choose to forgive them, or will we hold onto the hurt andpain the offence caused?
Forgiveness is a journey. It starts when we choose to forgive. Over time we might have tokeep choosing to forgive when new things come up that remind us of what happened and we feel thehurt and pain.
Discussion Questions:
Q. What do you do if someone is repeatedly hurting you?
Forgiveness is a choice, as we have said before, but there is a difference between forgivingsomeone and being a doormat. If someone is repeatedly hurting you, you may need to forgive themand then have the courage and wisdom to move yourself out of that vulnerable position.
Q. What’s the alternative to forgiveness?
What will our lives be like if we choose not to forgive? How will that affect us, the person who wronged us, those around us?
The Acid of Unforgiveness:
A picture of the damage unforgiveness can do to ourselves.
When something happens and we are hurt we can react in different ways.
Anger - We are angry at the person, we are angry as to why it all happened.
Bitterness - As we dwell on all the ins and outs.
Self pity - Wondering ‘Why me?’
Hatred - We may even hate the person who wronged us.
Illness - It is now medically recognised that the emotional stress of unforgiveness actually causesphysical illness through its effect on various body systems. When these are continual they can lead toserious diseases.
Holding on to unforgiveness makes us bitter, which is an emotionaland spiritual poison in ourlives andmay even physically harm us too.
Someone once said that:
“Bitterness [which comes from unforgiveness] is like drinking the poisonyourself
and expecting the person that hurt you to die.”
We convince ourselves that by holding onto unforgiveness and bitterness, it will somehow hurt the otherperson, but it doesn’t, it only hurts us.
Unforgiveness is an acid that eats away its own container.
Demonstration with ice cup and hot liquid.
Story:
‘5 years ago Jim’s wife, Janice, left him for another man. He had been asking her if someoneelse was involved and she had convinced him that everything was fine and he was the only man forher – until the day she left. Jim has never been able to forgive her.
As a result Jim is emotionally tied to Janice.
He thinksabout her betrayal almost daily. She is in his mind. Every time someone says something nice andoffers love and kindness to him, he finds it so hard to believe them and accept it. He thinks of his wife’sbetrayal. It starts affecting his relationship with his children and he can’t move on to another romanticrelationship. Everywhere he goes, into every situation, he is bringing Janice with him.
Unforgiveness ties Jim to the person that wronged him, but forgiveness will free him and allows him to move on.Jim can’t do anything to change the past but he does have the power to change the future.
Forgiveness takes a great deal of strength, but it has the ability to change you from being the victim
(someone who has been hurt), to the victor (someone who has triumphed over difficulty).
No one is saying it is easy to forgive, but God, who Himself forgives us, can give us the strength toforgive if we ask Him for it. If we come to a place where we can receive His forgiveness, then it becomesmuch easier to forgive ourselves and others.
Discussion
Together Time:
We have looked at many of the aspects of forgiveness today - what forgiveness is and isn’t.
How forgiveness and unforgiveness impact our lives.
From a Christian perspective forgiveness is a non-negotiable aspect of living as a Christian.
The Lord’s Prayer enshrines the duty of forgiving others - We forgive those who sin against us.
Just to make sure that we don’t neglect to do this, Jesus links our own receiving of God’s forgiveness for our failures, mistakes, bad choices with our offering of forgiveness to others - Forgive us our sins AS WE FORGIVE those who sin against us.
If we don’t offer forgiveness, then we cannot receive forgiveness.
Why does God make that connection?
You all have a balloon tied to your wrist. Have you noticed it, have you got used to it, has it hampered you, got in your way, annoyed you?
It is a picture of unforgiveness - when we refuse to forgive someone we carry that unforgiveness around with us everywhere.
When we forgive we are not only setting them free, we are also setting ourselves free, free to move on, free to stop thinking about the offense, free to let go of the past.
(Cut off balloons)
God wants us all to be free. To have a new start.
Offer forgiveness to whoever you need to and then receive God’s forgiveness yourself and be free.
Let us pray this prayer together
(Lord’s Prayer Video)
Newspaper articles - present to God and ask for His forgiveness to be present.
(Distribute Bookmarks, Indicate publicity materials)
Bookmark
[1]Psalm 34: 12-16