The Science of Goodbye
In a few days we have to say goodbye to one of the finest families we have ever pastored…the Michael Dickinsons. Michael and Terra were newlyweds when they came to us and now they have three beautiful children, Michael Kimmel, Beniah and Achasah. Hopefully whenever they look on their children’s faces they will remember they were born in Houston and with the effect of Jack London’s “Call of the Wild” they will return back to our fair metropolis.
I have always had a problem with goodbyes. I think I am not unlike most people. My father died in the late nineteen-eighties. At that very time, one of his heroes, Chet Atkins performed a song that was sent to me in the form of an internet video. I watched it and then cried my heart out. It so reminded me of Dad. He played a guitar like Chet Atkins, wore a hat like Chet and had a melancholy streak as depicted in this song. The song was entitled, “I Still Can’t Say Goodbye.” Here are the words:
When I was young my dad would say,
“Come on, son, let's go out and play,”
Sometimes it seems like yesterday,
And I'd climb up the closet shelf
When I was all by myself,
Grab his hat and fix the brim,
Pretending I was him.
No matter how hard I try,
No matter how many tears I cry,
No matter how many years go by,
I still can't say goodbye.
He always took care of Mom and me.
We all cut down a Christmas tree,
He always had some time for me.
Wind blows through the trees,
Streetlights, they still shine bright,
Most things are the same,
But I miss my dad tonight.
I walked by a Salvation Army store;
Saw a hat like my daddy wore,
Tried it on when I walked in.
Still trying to be like him,
No matter how hard I try,
No matter how many years go by,
No matter how many tears I cry,
I still can't say good-bye.
Occasionally I still wear a hat like Dad’s. His old hat is still on our top shelf and I fondly look and remember regularly. I preach the Gospel and God’s Word like my dad. I read the same books and say many of the same things. My life is different, but still so similar to his, that I cannot help but think about him every day. Precious memories and tears cannot bring him back, except to my mind. The truth is, I had to say goodbye. Earlier this week we had to say goodbye to a sweet church member, Aunt Emma Griffin. Even as I write these words, I am looking at the clergy record that pastors receive for the funerals and I see her smiling face. I really don’t want the Dickinsons to leave, but God in His divine plan has chosen otherwise. So, their crybaby pastor is just going to have to get over it. All four of our kids are married and except for one, now live out of state. When our kids visit with the grandchildren we eventually have to say goodbye again. Can you tell that I am a doting grandfather having a problem with goodbye? How do we say good-bye to those whom we love better than life?
1. Learn to just say goodbye.
We can sometimes be so pitiful in our goodbyes that we actually put people on a guilt trip who have to go. Kids have to cut their parents’ apron strings. It will bode well for us if we just keep it simple. Tears are fine, but moaning and groaning will not help. As a matter of fact, if we act pitiful, they may be less likely to visit or move back, because they will not want to put us through the torture of saying goodbye all over again. Paul said, “…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before” (Philippians 3:13). This verse does not mean we should forget people; it means go on with your life! Yesterday is gone, let it go. One of the most touching characters in Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations” was Miss Havisham. She was a spoiled, wealthy little girl who fell in love with a certain Mr. Compeyson. They were engaged to be married. She was not aware that he (Compeyson) was only courting her to take advantage of her and defraud her of money. On her wedding day, at twenty minutes to nine in the morning, she received a letter from her fiancé, saying he would not be marrying her and he was gone. Miss Havisham was dressing for her wedding, one shoe was on, the other off and the wedding cake was on the table. She ordered all the clocks to be stopped at exactly twenty minutes before nine and never removed her wedding dress, never removed the cake from the table and never put on her other shoe. The story has a bittersweet ending. When she sees the joy of her adopted daughter, Estella and Pip, she finally recanted of her bitterness for all those years and proffered a blessing as a well as a “good” bye to the youths. How sad that many who may be reading these words have stopped your emotional clocks at twenty minutes to nine and refuse to enter the next hour and phase of life. Getting on with life means first of all, just say goodbye.
2. Think on the positive side.
Some of you may be thinking I am preaching against nostalgia. I am not; in fact those of you that know me are aware of how fast I can crash into a blast from my past. We don’t anesthetize the pain of the present by lapsing into amnesia of the past. Try doing this: when you are hit with a terrible miss, think of the good that it brought into your life. Let me give you a perfect example: You had a marriage break up. It is over, totally over. You might ask yourself how you can look at anything that came out of that union as good. Did you have a child or children with that former spouse? Now can you imagine life without that kid or kids? I don’t know how we can compartmentalize all this, but it can be done for the glory of God. Paul said to the Church at Philippi, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you” (Philippians 1:3).
3. Goodbye is never permanent for the Christian.
At Aunt Emma’s funeral this week I saw Leslie, Lissa and their brother, Lloyd. It just seemed like yesterday his hair was as dark as a raven’s wing and now it is grey. As I looked at all three of these kids, or I should say, “adult” kids, my mind went back to their father’s funeral. Mrs. Davis, their mom had the kids surround their dad’s casket and we all joined hands as she led us in “Blessed be the tie that binds our heart in Christian love.” Mrs. Davis has been on the other side now for quite some time herself, but this great teacher was teaching her pastor something so precious that day and that is, in Heaven we never say goodbye. The anticipation of this should challenge those who may be reading this to get saved if you are not a Christian. And for those who are Christians, remember, “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). Christians will eventually see each other again--and that’s the reason when we say goodbye, we are more realistically saying, “I’ll see you later!”
-Pastor Pope-