The Importance of Family and Faith

Spence 1

Abby Spence

Education 202

Suellyn Henke

April 12, 2008

Emily Miller

The Importance of Family and Faith

Introduction

When I sit down to interview Emily Miller*, a friend I’ve come to know and love, I think I already know what to expect. As I’ve gotten to know her, I’ve discovered she is one of the most genuine and loving people I have ever met. I expect to hear about her supportive family and her drive to succeed. However, I had no idea that Emily’s success story was full of trials and tribulations through which made her the person I have come to admire today.

I chose to interview Emily Miller both because of our different cultural and ethnical backgrounds and because my sincere admiration of her character. Emily is an African American female from Westland, Michigan where she attended Cattering Elementary, Pierce Middle School, and Churchill High School. Churchill is a predominately white school, with 2,056 white students and 171 black students who are currently attending the high school (NCES). There are also 62 Asian students, 21 Hispanic students, and 2 American Indian/Alaskan students (NCES).

I collected my information through two separate interviews, after gaining Emily’s informed consent. In the initial interview we had a basic question and answer session in which I questioned Emily about her background and her education. In the follow up interview I continued to question Emily about her background, particularly her relationships with her family.

Narrative

“When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor. I never wanted to do anything else.” Emily Miller is currently a Biology and Pre-Med major, fulfilling her dream of becoming a doctor. When Emily and I discuss her education thus far, it becomes obvious how important it is to her to succeed. It also becomes obvious that Emily’s faith, personal strength, and family have had an extreme impact upon her education.

Education

“All my teachers helped me. They were nice. As I got older, I got more involved in school. I also got more support as it got harder.” Overall, Emily Miller claims to have had a positive K-12 experience. She always felt comfortable, and race was rarely an issue in her school. However, Emily can recall one moment in which her strength was tested. “I felt comfortable. Except for one time in high school when I was called the “N” word. There were a bunch of people in the hallway and some guy walked past and called me the “N” word. But I was a good student. My principle thought I was a freshman when I was a senior because I’d never been in trouble.”

The majority of Emily’s teachers were not of the same ethnic background as her. Despite this fact Emily felt that most understood her background. Emily did feel that a few teachers were not as understanding. “I wouldn’t feel as comfortable around them. They didn’t talk to me as much. Some teachers thought I would be like the other black students, which I am definitely not.” Emily still feels however, that most of her teachers were understanding, and the educators who were not did not have an impact on her motivation.

Emily’s achievements in school are evidence of her motivation to succeed. When Emily talks about what motivates her, she begins to talk about her family. “My mom would not accept anything below a B-. She told me if I wanted to be a doctor I had to get good grades. I also didn’t want teachers to think I was dumb” Because of this encouragement from home, Emily also has a personal drive to succeed. Emily has been raised to be personally driven and to set and accomplish goals for herself, and not for others.

In retrospect, Emily tells me that she enjoyed her K-12 years and continues to like school today. “School is harder now. There’s nobody to tell me to study. I still like school though.”

Identity & Family

“I’m a straightforward person. I’m kind and I’m nice. Sometimes cause I’m black and female I have to have tougher skin to get respect. It gets me through my life. It made me stronger without my dad being around.” When talking about identity, Emily identifies herself as a black female. Because of this identity, she feels as though she has to be stronger in order to gain respect. However, this is as far as any discussion of ethnic identity goes. The discussion instead turns to family, and the ways in which they have had an impact on Emily’s identity today.

“My mom was very involved. She used to work afternoons then check my homework and wake me up to correct it. My father comes in and out of my life and he makes promises he’s never kept. My grades suffered because of that. I had to learn that he’s gonna stay the same. He lies too much.”

It’s not only Emily’s parents who have had an impact on her education. Emily comes from an extremely large family. Her mother’s parents had eighteen kids, most of whom have stayed close geographically as well as personally.

“My whole family is extremely close. I have favorites though. My cousins and I are close. I love my grandparents. Even the one’s I’m not close to, I don’t disrespect them. Right now my mom and I are living with my aunt but usually it’s just us. But we all live close.”

Emily’s extended family places a lot of importance on education. “They’re all for it. The ones who didn’t go to college are back in school now. They push me and support me. If I ever thought about school I wouldn’t be able to cause they wouldn’t let me.”

Emily attributes a lot of her success to her family. They are an important source of motivation, and she tells me that she has learned a lot from them that she couldn’t necessarily just have learned in school. “Treat others the way you want to be treated. Don’t disrespect your elders. God comes first, then school. Get an education. They’re always helping me to achieve higher.”

Emily and her family celebrate holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter together. A few of their traditions include attending church on Good Friday and Easter morning as well as bringing dishes to pass at her aunt’s house on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.

Friends

Emily’s face lights up when we talk about her friends. Her love for the friends she describes to me is obvious with every giggle and every memory she shares with me. When asked to describe three of her closest she says, “One is very funny. She’s straightforward like me. She’s kind and very outgoing. She’ll get to know you whether you want to or not. I like her cause she’s kinda like me, we believe in the same stuff. I’m shy and she’s not. The second one is funny but very emotional. She’s sensitive. I met her in middle school. I don’t remember why we became friends. I guess because she’s down to earth. But if someone bumps into her she won’t say excuse me, I say it for her. I guess opposites attract. The third one is like the guy I would want to marry. He’s hysterical, outgoing, he speaks his mind but doesn’t offend people. I don’t remember how we became friends. He’s kinda like my big brother. He’s always there for me.”

Emily and her friends are an active group. Emily describes a few of her favorite activities to do with her friends as watching movies, visiting each others houses, going skating, playing sports, spending nights together, and going to birthday parties.

Faith

“I go to church every Sunday. It’s important because God is important in my life. And my mom said as long as I live in her house I will go to church.” It is clear that Emily’s relationship with God is very important in her life. It is another source of support apart from her family, who are also practicing Christians.

“We’re all Christians. We believe in God. The ones that are saved, we abide by the rules of the Bible. The ones who aren’t believe in God but don’t go to church like we do.”

Success

Emily Miller knows she is successful, however it’s the personal accomplishments that she appreciates most. “…I came through several trials in my life. I have a supportive family and my friends are good people. I picked the right people to be in my life.” As for future success, Emily already knows what she has to do. “I have to keep studying to be a doctor. I can’t let things get in my way. I have to stay with God. Just keep doing good in school and treat people right. Just be a nice person.”

Goals and Aspirations

Emily has big plans to travel in her future. “The Bahamas, Hawaii, Europe, Italy, Argentina, Brazil. My honeymoon’s gonna be a month long. I’m going everywhere.” However, Emily’s plans don’t include a permanent move. “I don’t think I could move out of Michigan…I think I want to live in Novi.”

Advice for Educators

Having been such a successful student, Emily’s views on Education are very important to me. Her advice to the administration at her high school is “…have more stuff-like dance or something else to get people involved in. Then people won’t do the bad things that they do. I would also make academics more important than sports.” Emily also has advice for future teachers. “Be involved in the work you give. Be excited. Help the students and be reliable. Be involved with all students. You might have your favorites but don’t show it. Treat all students equally.”

Nieto Connections

Sonia Nieto’s book Affirming Diversity: The Sociopolitical Context of Multicultural Education discusses the role of family in a child’s education. In Emily’s case, family had an extreme impact on her success in school as they are one of her biggest motivators and supporters. Nieto points out that middle class families are more likely to be directly involved in their children’s education through volunteering in the classroom or in activities such as PTO. However, Nieto also makes the point that just because working class families can’t always be as directly involved with the schools because of work schedules, they can still have a positive influence on their children’s education. Nieto uses the example of communication as a way in which these families can support children’s academic success. In one of her own case studies, Nieto describes a girl named Yahaira who described her mother as someone she told almost everything to, especially when it came to school achievement. Similarly, Emily and her mother are extremely close. Having lived with just her mother most of her life, Emily’s mother has had a very important impact on all aspects of Emily’s life. During her interview, Emily often mentioned her mother when she discussed her education and her faith such as, “My mom would not accept anything below a B-“ and “…my mom said as long as I live in her house I will go to church.”

Emily’s mother worked hours which made it difficult for her to be directly involved in Emily’s schools. However, this didn’t stop her from being an important part of Emily’s education. Emily mentioned that her mother would check her homework and wake her up to come and fix it. She also mentioned that her mother reminds her of the importance of study and hard work. Emily’s mother has been a large part of her academic success, despite the fact that she was unable to be as directly involved as some parents are.

Emily also mentions members of her extended family who have been important to her academic success. She discusses the fact that even family members that did not move on to college have gone back to school to get degrees, and how “If I ever thought about quitting school I wouldn’t be able to cause they won’t let me.” Emily’s grandparents did not receive a formal education until later in life when her grandmother went back to school and her grandfather’s children taught him how to read. Nieto mentions that education is equally valued regardless of economic backgrounds: “…in come instances, working class parents and parents living in poverty had even more hope in education than middle-class parents, for obvious reasons.” Nieto attributes this hope to the fact that these parents are not always as able to give their children much help with their education, and therefore placed a higher value on hard work and had higher expectations. Parents simply want better for their kids. This may be the reason that Emily’s family places such an importance on academic success. Her grandparents never received a formal education, and therefore instilled in their children and grandchildren the importance of academics. Emily clearly comes from a family that values one another as well as receiving a good education.

Nieto also points out that although families from different backgrounds value education, schools don’t always realize this. “Family involvement is a complex issue, and teachers and other educators are often intimidated by family involvement or are reluctant to reach out to families” (Nieto 145). Nieto argues that schools are not always sensitive families of different cultural backgrounds. “Families of linguistically and culturally diverse communities and from working-class neighborhoods frequently have difficulty fulfilling the level and kind of parent involvement expected by the school, such as homework assistance and family excursions” (145). Schools expect parents to be involved in activities such as sports, or PTO, or classroom volunteering. However Nieto claims that these types of involvement are becoming scarcer in a world where most families have either both working parents or single working parents. Schools need to be more accommodating and accepting of these cultural and economical changes, because they do not necessarily mean children’s academic success is in jeopardy. When Emily talked about her K-12 experiences, she said that there were a few teachers who expected her to be “like the other black kids”. Clearly, there were educators in Emily’s school systems who did not understand her ethnic background, and made judgments about her based on stereotypes. Nieto points out that this should never happen, and diversity should be seen as an opportunity to bring “…community values, lifestyles, and realities into the school” (145).

Later in her book, Nieto includes a section called “Expanding Definitions of Family”. In this section Nieto continues to argue the importance of the incorporation of families into schools. “The promise lies in the idea that every student from preschool through high school may be able o tell a story about family and relate to ideas about family change. Such stories and ideas provide ways for teachers and students to collaborate and involve every student in the curriculum” (Nieto 385). Nieto goes on to discuss the types of families that are deliberately being excluded from school involvement. These families include lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender couples as well as families headed by unmarried parents and single parents. There are also students who have incarcerated family members, family members with mental illnesses, or are adopted that are often discouraged from sharing their stories in the classroom. Nieto argues that schools need to include these families in their curricula in order to create a sense of community in the classroom so that students can learn from each other’s different experiences. In Emily’s case, the fact that she was raised in a home with a single mother may not have been considered “normal” in her educational setting. Perhaps she was excluded from sharing stories about her father or felt left out when students that lived in homes with married heterosexual parents. However, my interview with Emily is proof that she has a story to tell and lessons learned from her father’s absence that should be shared in a classroom. Nieto’s point is that there is not one definition to the word “family”, and different kinds of families should be celebrated in the classrooms in order for students to learn from one another.

African American Single Mothers

Sex Roles: A Journal of Research published an article called African American “Single Mothers: Understanding Their Lives and Families” written by Roseanne L. Flores. Flores discussed the conceptualizations of the African American family, especially those of the African American single mother. The Eurocentric approach to these families is often very harsh. African American families are seen as being “deviant, disorganized and dysfunctional” (Flores). The African American single mother often depends on extended family for help in the nurturing and care of her children, which differs greatly from the Eurocentric approach of nuclear family ties only. Flores points out that while the dependence on extended family is different from the typical nuclear family approach to child rearing, it is a reflection of their African roots. Flores further explores the role of the grandmother in a single African American mother’s life. “…the role the grandmother is crucial to single mother, and social programs would be more effective if they strengthened traditional support systems, i.e., the grandmother, rather than created new alternatives” (Flores). The use of an extended family member such as the grandmother is a more effective way for single mothers to raise a child than programs such as daycare that would be considered “normal” according to the Eurocentric approach. The utilization of this resource by African American single mothers does not make them disorganized or dysfunctional; it is simply a part of their cultural heritage.