THE GOODIES – MINI EPISODE GUIDE
(by Brett Allender)
SERIES 1(1970)
1/1
08/11/70 / Beefeaters / The Goodies' first job involves going to the Tower Of London to investigate who has been stealing the Beefeater's beef, only to find that the burglar is there "by appointment".
Main guests: George Baker, Max Latimer, Maria O'Brien
1/2
15/11/70 / Snooze / Graeme attempts to boost sales of a bedtime drink by making it more potent, as he cures Bill's insomnia but sends the whole country to sleep in the process.
Main guests: Roddy Maude-Roxby, Corbet Woodall
1/3
22/11/70 / Give Police A Chance / Asked to change the brutish image of the police force, the Goodies become too nice as hippy cops and are arrested to face trial by the real boys in blue.
Main guests: Paul Whitsun-Jones, Roland Macleod
1/4
29/11/70 / Playgirl Club / The female Minister for Domestic Affairs wants the Goodies to infiltrate the Playgirl Club to retrieve some scandalous photos taken of her – a job for Tim in his first drag role!
Main guests: Mollie Sugden, Liz Frazer
1/5
06/12/70 / The Greenies / A holiday in Cornwall becomes less than idyllic thanks to the secretive Army barracks nearby, so the Goodies assist the local vicar in his bid to remove the Army and set up a kids playground
Main guests: George Benson, Richard Caldicott
1/6
13/12/70 / Cecily / The Goodies are asked to babysit young Cecily (with Tim as the Nanny!), but lots of strange happenings in a seemingly haunted house make for a spooky time.
Main guests: Ann Way, Robert Bernal, Jill Riddick
1/7
20/12/70 / Radio Goodies / Rejection by the "ruddy GPO' for a broadcasting licence sees The Goodies set up their own pirate radio station and post office outside the 5 mile limit, giving Graeme ideas for grander plans.
Main guests: Brenda Cowling, Lionel Wheeler
SERIES 2
(1971-72)
2/1
01/10/71 / Loch Ness Monster / A bid to trap the Loch Ness Monster to pacify a suicidal zookeeper sees the Goodies travel to Scotland, where they have a close brush with the deadly Bagpipes spider among other trials.
Main guests: Stanley Baxter, Bernard Bresslaw
2/2
08/10/71 / The Commonwealth Games / Following a boycott of the games by other nations, the Minister Of Sport persuades the Goodies to represent Britain against the might of the August Bank Holiday Islands team.
Main guests: Reginald Marsh, Valerie Stanton
2/3
15/10/71 / Pollution / With pollution becoming worse, the Goodies discover that the Ministry of Pollution is actually causing the problem rather than curing it, so they set to work on freshening things up.
Main guests: Ronnie Stevens, Corbet Woodall
2/4
22/10/71 / The Lost Tribe / The Goodies assist Hazel in tracking down her father, a Professor who vanished twenty years ago in search of the Lost Tribe Of The Orinoco, by following the movements listed in his diary.
Main guests: Roy Kinnear, Bridget Armstrong, Olu Jacobs
2/5
29/10/71 / The Music Lovers / Musicians are being kidnapped all over the country, so the Goodies become famous musicians too, eventually get stolen and come face to face with their arch enemy – the Music Master
Main guests: Henry McGee, Corbet Woodall, Cilla Black
2/6
05/11/71 / Antiques / Tim’s crusade to stop rich Americans from buying all of Britain’s art treasures sees him bidding a huge amount of money for one painting, forcing the Goodies to take drastic action to pay for it.
Main guests: Julian Orchard, Tommy Godfrey
2/7
12/11/71 / Kitten Kong
(original – no longer exists) / The Goodies’ Animal Clinic looks after various problem animals, including Twinkle the kitten who grows to a massive size, thanks to Graeme’s growth formula, and terrorises London.
2/8
19/11/71 / Come Dancing / Asked to be part of a formation dancing team, the Goodies find that dancing isn’t as gentle and pure as they thought, especially when they encounter Delia Capone and her corrupt team.
Main guests: Joan Sims, June Whitfield, Roland MacLeod
2/9
10/12/71 / Food / Disgusted at the awful cuisine served up at Ye Olde Shepherds Restaurant, the Goodies head to the farm of Tim’s uncle for some fresh country food, only to be further disappointed upon arrival.
Main guests: John Le Mesurier, Frank Thornton
2/10
17/12/71 / Free To Live / Bill’s complaint to Women’s Lib about Graeme’s sexism leads to a visit from Barbara, who sends Graeme and Tim to work for her father, while she falls for Bill and Graeme falls for his computer.
Main guests: Allan Cuthbertson, Gaye Brown
2/11
31/12/71 / Gender Education / The Goodies are asked to make a sex education film for Mrs Desiree Carthorse, but are soon in trouble when she objects to its content, sending Bill into a violent film-making frenzy
Main guests: Beryl Reid, Richard Wattis
2/12
07/01/72 / London To Brighton / The Goodies are bouncing on spacehoppers from London to Brighton for charity, however they continue to bounce on around the world much to the horror of their tight-fisted sponsor.
Main guests: Freddy Jones, Johnathan Cecil
2/13
14/01/72 / Double Trouble / The Goodies’ bid to win the Nice Person Of The Year Award is being sabotaged by the mysterious Doctor Petal and his evil robot doubles of the Goodies and other famous people.
Main guests: Patrick Troughton, John Junkin
Special
09/04/72 / Montreux '72 – "Kitten Kong"
(remade from original version) / The Goodies’ Animal Clinic looks after various problem animals, including Twinkle the kitten who grows to a massive size, thanks to Graeme’s growth formula, and terrorises London.
Main guests: Michael Aspel, Corbet Woodall
Special
24/09/72 / A Collection Of Goodies / A lack of finances sees Tim filling out a Tax Evasion form for the Goodies, with Graeme’s computer providing timely reminders of the bizarre items which he is trying to claim for.
SERIES 3
(1973)
3/1
04/02/73 / The New Office / With their office destroyed by a lazy builder and his team of tradesmen, the Goodies build a deserted railway station and head to the countryside, only to find that their peace is soon shattered.
Main guests: Joe Melia, Julie Desmond
3/2
11/02/73 / Hunting Pink / The Goodies visit Tim’s uncle at his country mansion and when Uncle Butcher unexpectedly snuffs it, Tim continues the bloodthirsty family hunting tradition to the disgust of the others.
Main guests: Erik Chitty
3/3
18/02/73 / Winter Olympics / The withdrawal of the British Winter Olympics team sees the Goodies pressured into competing despite lousy training facilities, but Graeme has an idea to even up the competition.
Main guests: Peter Jones
¾
25/02/73 / That Old Black Magic / Witch Hazel’s problems with casting spells leads the Goodies to help her to contact lost souls via a séance and Graeme’s mystical powers eventually see him turned into a gibbon.
Main guests: Patricia Hayes
3/5
04/03/73 / For Those In Peril On The Sea / Graeme’s urge to recreate an early Viking expedition and find the Lost Island Of Munga sees the Goodies shipwrecked and at the mercy of an old foe from a previous show.
Main Guests: Henry McGee, Norman Mitchell
3/6
11/03/73 / Way Outward Bound / The failure to find any kids willing to go to an adventure school forces the Goodies to attend disguised as children, only to find that the school is being used for a far more sinister cause.
Main guests: Joan Sims, Bill Frazer
Special
07/07/73 / Superstar / Appalled at the offensive songs on the hit parade, the Goodies perform a sickly sweet song on the Maxie Grease Show, but Bill is exploited and turned into a superstar by an unscrupulous agent.
Main guests: Barbara Mitchell, Julian Chagrin, John Peel
SERIES 4
(1973-74)
4/1
01/12/73 / Camelot / Tim’s Uncle King Arthur is away on vacation and the Goodies have to look after it, firstly turning it into a tourist attraction, then having to defend it from the clutches of the local town planner.
Main guests: Alfie Bass
4/2
08/12/73 / Invasion Of The Moon Creatures / Graeme’s attempt to send rabbits to the moon seems to be a failure until Bill and Tim’s space voyage discovers plots of vegies and the menacing presence of Big Bunny.
Main guests: Roland MacLeod, Patrick Moore
4/3
15/12/73 / Hospital For Hire / A bad experience with the hospital system forces the Goodies to become doctors themselves and attempt to fix up the health system with the help of Graeme’s magic elixir.
Main guests: Harry Corbett, Fred Tomlinson Singers
Special
24/12/73 / The Goodies And The Beanstalk / The Goodies are so broke that they have sold the trandem for a can of beans, but their luck changes somewhat when the beanstalk grows up Mt. Everest and they discover a magic castle.
Main guests: Alfie Bass, Eddie Waring, John Cleese
4/4
29/12/73 / The Stone Age / Graeme discovers an ancient tunnel below the Goodies’ office and his penchant for potholing soon finds the Goodies stuck inside the stomach of a prehistoric tyrannosaurus rex.
4/5
05/01/74 / Goodies In The Nick / A timid policeman needs the Goodies help in boosting his tally of arrests, but their fiendishly cunning bank robbery sees them locked away in prison and desperate to escape.
Main guests: Jack Douglas, Tommy Godfrey, Erik Chitty
4/6
12/01/74 / The Race / A wrong turn to Skegness sees the Goodies winning the Tour de France cycling race, so they decide to also enter Le Mans and convert their disused railway station office into a car.
Main guests: Bill Weston
SERIES 5
(1975)
5/1
10/02/75 / The Movies / The Goodies buy a movie studio and attempt to revitalise the British film industry; but ultimately descend into chaos when they each try to shoot their own film at the same time.
Main guests: Melita Clarke
5/2
17/02/75 / The Clown Virus / A job to dispose of a harmless can of “tomato soup” for an American military base sees the whole British population turned into clowns and ripe for an invasion by US troops.
Main guests: John Bluthal, Peter Dyneley, Corbet Woodall
5/3
24/02/75 / Chubby Chumps / Tim has become rather flabby while the others have been away fishing, but trims himself down thanks to a brainwashing radio DJ and enters the Miss Housewife Of The Year Contest.
Main guests: Michael Aspel
5/4
03/03/75 / Wacky Wales / An invitation to an eisteddfod in Wales has the Goodies in all sorts of trouble with the Reverend after they dare to break many of the puritanical local laws and actually try to entertain people.
Main guests: Jon Pertwee, Marcelle Sammett, Alun Williams
5/5
10/03/75 / Frankenfido / Graeme’s dog breeding venture gets out of hand and Tim’s only chance to win at Crufts is to dress Bill in a dog costume, which forces Graeme to custom-make a shaggy monster of his own.
Main guests: Magnus Magnusson
5/6
17/03/75 / Scatty Safari / The Star Safari Park is in big strife once its star attraction Tony Blackburn has been shot, but Rolf Harris proves an even bigger hit until he escapes and infests Britain in plague proportions.
Main guests: Tony Blackburn, Sheila Steafel, David Willmott
5/7
24/03/75 / Kung Fu Kapers / Bill’s expertise at the ancient Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump proves too much for other forms of self defence, but his march on t’Parliament wielding black puddings must be stopped.
Main guests: Michael Barratt, Richard Pescud, William F Sully
5/8
31/03/75 / Lighthouse Keeping Loonies / The Goodies are doing “a little lighthouse keeping” for five years amid Bill’s phobia about round objects, a gruesome sea shanty about the Jolly Rock and Tim’s mumps and whinging.
Main guests: Corbet Woodall, Patrick Moore
5/9
07/04/75 / Rome Antics / In 55AD the early Goodies venture to Rome to provide entertainment for the fruit-fancying Emperor, but are eventually confronted by Attila the Hun and the invading Barbarians.
Main guests: Roy Kinnear, Oliver Gilbert
5/10
14/04/75 / Cunning Stunts / Bill is fired from the Goodies’ newspaper for being a hopeless reporter and after he is rejected by the love of his life, he decides to end it all by entering the Eurovision Raving Loony Contest.
Main guests: Tessa Wyatt, Roland MacLeod, Karin MacCarthy
5/11
21/04/75 / South Africa / The Goodies are forced to emigrate to South Africa where the absence of black people forces a new form of segregation called apart-height, mainly affecting short people like jockeys and Bill.
Main guests: Philip Madoc, Oscar James, Albert Wilkinson
5/12
28/04/75 / OK Tea Rooms / Graeme’s gold prospecting trip to Cornwall is a failure until he strikes a rich vein of cream, with his greed and Tim and Bill’s discovery of strawberry jam and scones leading to a showdown.
5/13
05/05/75 / The End / The Goodies are trapped inside a 350 foot block of concrete, with “turps for burps”, changing religion, cannibalism and I-spy all on the agenda while being stuck at close quarters for so long.
Main guests: Corbet Woodall, Sheila Steafel
Special
21/12/75 / Goodies Rule – OK? / The unwanted Goodies finally hit the big time after years of failure, only for the government to topple and all forms of fun to be banned, requiring a civil uprising and a puppet government
Main guests: Michael Barratt, Tony Blackburn, Patrick Moore, Eddie Waring, Terry Wogan, Corbet Woodall, Sue Lawley
SERIES 6
(1976)
6/1
21/09/76 / Almighty Cod / An extension to the Eskimos fishing limits soon has Britain codless, so the Goodies smuggle a cod back from Greenland and grow it to a huge size, but still have to ward off the Eskimos.
Main guests: Barry Cryer (voice)
6/2
28/09/76 / Hype Pressure / Tim’s nasty tv talent show is a flop after Bill and Graeme’s folk singing is a hit with the judges, so Tim sets about creating the rock ‘n roll revival and becomes a loony tv director.
Main guests: McDonald Hobley, Mary Malcolm, Corbet Woodall
6/3
05/10/76 / Daylight Robbery On The Orient Express / Goodies Holidays is creating an exciting mystery tour aboard the Orient Express for the Detective’s Club, but things go astray when the train is hijacked and taken to the Le Boring Contest.
6/4
12/10/76 / Black And White Beauty / Graeme has established a rest home for clapped-out old animals and is sent a pantomime horse, which Tim trains before it is callously stolen by Bill to enter in the Grand National.
6/5
19/10/76 / It Might As Well Be String / A series of too-honest ads sees revenue for the Goodies’ advertising agency plummet, until Tim discovers the joys of string, and Bill and Graeme set about ripping him off.
Main guests: Raymond Baxter, Marcelle Sammett, Valerie Leon
6/6
26/10/76 / 2001 And A Bit / The futuristic sons of the Goodies have become bored with the extremely violent forms of modern entertainment and seek to revive something truly boring from their fathers’ era – cricket.
Main guests: Oliver Gilbert
6/7
02/11/76 / The Goodies – Almost Live / A concert featuring many of The Goodies’ best known songs, including Cactus In My Y-Fronts, Funky Gibbon, Black Pudding Bertha, Bounce, Last Chance Dance and Wild Thing.
SERIES 7
(1977)
7/1
01/11/77 / Alternative Roots / A historical look back at the ancestors of the Goodies; Celtic Kilty (Graeme), County Cutie (Tim) and Kinda Kinky (Bill) and how they were captured by the evil television slave traders.
Main guests: Bryan Pringle, Charlie Stewart, Stuart Fell
7/2
08/11/77 / Dodonuts / Disgusted by Tim and Graeme’s love of hunting, Bill vows to protect the last dodo from extinction, even though it has all sorts of horrible behavioural problems for him to contend with.
Main guests: Percy Edwards (voice), Barney Carroll
7/3
22/11/77 / Scoutrageous / Graeme and Bill finally discover that Tim’s late night jaunts are to secretive scout meetings, so they join the platoon and create new scouting badges and all sorts of mayhem in the process
Main guests: Frank Windsor, Michael Barratt
7/4
29/11/77 / Punky Business / The rapidly growing punk craze sees Tim as the lone defender of shiny shoes and niceness after both Graeme and Bill have sunk to punk, but even Tim wants to be able to go the Trendsetters Ball.
Main guests: Jane Asher, Frank Thornton, Michael Barratt
7/5
06/12/77 / Royal Command / The revised Royal Variety Show hosted by Graeme is so well received by the royal family that they enter showbiz but end up in hospital, requiring the Goodies to act as their replacements.
Main guests: Ricky Newby, Terry Denton, Ernie Goodyear
7/6
22/12/77 / Earthanasia / The world ends at midnight on Christmas Eve, with Graeme devoting the rest of his life to curing Tim’s belly button hangup’s and Bill revealing his real self among all sorts of chaos.
SERIES 8
(1980)
8/1
14/01/80 / Politics / Graeme is faced with selling the image of two potential Prime Ministers to the nation; Bill as the revolutionary Che Monyou and Tim as the stunning Timita.
Main guests: David Dimbleby, Corbet Woodall, Jo Kendall
8/2
21/01/80 / Saturday Night Grease / Tim wants to be king of the disco but is thrown out and then later locked in jail for indulging in mixed dancing; just the gimmick which Bill needs to increase the crowds at his own new disco.
Main guests: Maria Eldridge, Chris Eymand, Spencer Shires
8/3
28/01/80 / A Kick In The Arts / The British Olympic team is broke and Tim has no choice but to join them after doing his dough at Graybungles Casino and competes against Graeme and Bill’s Rest Of The World team.
Main guests: Ballard Berkeley, Roland Macleod
8/4
04/02/80 / U-Friend Or UFO / The strange alien abductions of trombonists cause Bill to take up the ‘bone in a bid to solve the mystery, while Graeme constructs EBGB the robot to help Tim out at his Knutters Knoll Knitespot.
Main guests: Roger Brierley, Marcelle Sammett, Patrick Moore
8/5
11/02/80 / Animals / Tim’s attempts to treat animals with kindness are soon overshadowed by Graeme’s cruelty in putting them to work to earn their keep, while Bill campaigns for the rights of vegetables.
Main guests: Mel Smith, Patrick Moore, Ronnie Storm
8/6
18/02/80 / War Babies / The Goodies are grown-up babies who are sent off to boarding school during the war years, and are asked by Churchill to go behind enemy lines to buy him a box of German cigars.
Main guests: Geoffrey Palmer, Andrew Ray, Sharon Miller
SERIES 9
(1981-82)
Special
27/12/81 / Snow White 2 / The Goodies are kicked out of the Seven Dwarves for being too tall and are lost and unemployed until they attempt to enter the' castle controlled by the princesses.
Main guests: David Rappaport, Richard Briers, Annette Lyons
9/1
09/01/82 / Robot / Due to dire financial conditions, Bill is fired and replaced with a baby robot; however Tim and Graeme need help with raising the robot and hire a strange bearded Swedish nanny to look after it.
Main guests: David Rappaport
9/2
16/01/82 / Football Crazy / Bill the soccer hooligan is in fine form as Tim becomes Chief of Police in a bid to stamp out such boorish conduct, with football then becoming so boring that its fans flock to the ballet instead.
Main guests: Fred Dinenage, Wayne Sleep
9/3
23/01/82 / Bigfoot / The Goodies set off to the Canadian Rockies in search of the mythical Arthur C Clarke, but find all sorts of other weird creatures including the legendary Bigfoot.
Main guests: Charlie Stafford
9/4
30/01/82 / Change Of Life / The Goodies are preparing to close their business due to old age until the threat of the robot taking over forces them to undertake the Standard Test to see if they are still capable of being Goodies.
Main guests: David Rappaport
9/5
06/02/82 / Holidays / A supposedly relaxing holiday in the seaside village of Dunsquabblin turns very stressful when the Goodies are trapped inside for seventeen days due to heavy rain and snow.
9/6
13/02/82 / Animals / Graeme's pet shop has a special new line - people dressed up as animals, but they also suffer from being dumped so Tim sets up a protection society, while Graeme cruelly puts the strays to work.
More detailed summaries of each Goodies episode are featured in <The Goodies Episode Summaries> by Brett Allender.