The Church’s Vision of Marriage
December 31, 2017
When we bless or consecrate a chalice for Mass, it means it has been set apart for a sacred purpose. We would never take a chalice out of the cabinet and drink pop or coffee out of it. It is only to be used to hold the Precious Blood of Jesus. To be holy means to be set apart.
You and I have been consecrated to the Lord. We belong to God. We are holy and precious to the Lord!
In our gospel today, Joseph and Mary brought Jesus to the temple to consecrate him to God. Why? Remember when the Hebrew people were enslaved under Pharaoh in Egypt. God sent the 10 plagues. The last plague was that all the first-born males in Egypt were to die. But the Hebrew children were spared by smearing the blood of the lamb on their doorposts so that the angel of death would pass over. This was a foreshadowing that we too would be saved from death by the blood of the lamb. Remember when John the Baptist sees Jesus he says, “Behold, the Lamb of God.” Jesus is the lamb by whose blood we are saved.
God wanted his people to remember how he had saved them, so he commanded that all first born males were to be brought to the temple and consecrated to God.
In a similar way, most of us were brought to church as infants and consecrated to God by our baptism. We now belong to God. We are his children by virtue of our baptism. A Christian then has a very different outlook on life. It’s so easy to start thinking, “My life is my own.” I can do with my life what I want. But our faith reminds us, “My life is not my own.” I belong to God. And, I’m called to discern God’s will.
When we have our vocation retreats the Archbishop always tells the young people, as we grow up people often ask, “What do you want to do when you grow up?” The Archbishop says, the more important question is, “What does God want me to do?” We all have to discern God’s will for our lives.
For most of the Christian faithful, God’s will is the vocation of marriage and family life. This is the normal path to holiness for God’s people. Today we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family. God entered into the world as part of a family and in doing so sanctified family life.
The heart and foundation of a family is marriage. One of our super-priorities in our parish is to strengthen marriage and family life. There is no question that marriage today is under attack. Not only are there attempts to redefine marriage, but fewer people are getting married in the Church. Cohabitation is on the rise and destinations weddings are popular – getting married on a beach somewhere. Dr. Greg & Lisa Popcak in their book For Better, Forever also mention the popular trend of creating your own wedding vows. They heard of people vowing things like: “I will make a red-velvet cake for you at least once a month.” And, “I will take out the trash for you . . . even when it’s raining.” While that may all sound romantic, the Popcak’s make an important point: When you get married in the Catholic Church, you are giving your assent to Christ’s vision of marriage. In Christian marriage, we don’t invent marriage or define it in our own terms, rather we are giving our assent to the Church’s vision of marriage established by Jesus Christ!
Marriage is a sacrament and as such it is a visible sign instituted by Christ to give grace. What is marriage a sign of? St. Paul says in Ephesians Chapter 5 that marriage is a visible sign in our world of Christ’s love for his bride the church. If you want to know the Christian vision of marriage, you have to reflect on how Christ loves his bride the church. The Church describes Christ’s love for his church in four words: free, total, faithful and fruitful.
Love has to be freely given. On their wedding day, the priest first asks the couple, “Have you come here freely, without reservation to give yourself to each other in marriage.” Jesus said, “I lay my life down freely, no one takes it from me.” Love cannot be forced. It has to be freely given. Notice then, love is first and foremost a decision. It is not first and foremost an emotion. Certainly, emotions often accompany love, but we all know there are times where we don’t feel like we love our spouse, or our children, or our parents. As Jesus was being crucified, he didn’t feel good and yet we look at the cross and say, “That’s love.” Love is a decision to freely will the good of the other. Sometimes love hurts.
Secondly, Christ’s love for his church is total. He held nothing back. On their wedding day, I give my couples a crucifix as a gift to remind them: this is what love looks like. Jesus gave himself completely on the cross for our salvation.
This call to total love is found in our second reading today. At our men’s group this week, one of the men tried to get me in trouble and said, “Father, why don’t you preach on the 2nd reading that says, ‘Wives be subordinate to your husbands.’” I told him, “You know what that means?” To be “submissive” means to put yourself under the mission of another. You know what the mission of the husband is? It is to lay down your life for your bride. So, what St. Paul is saying is, “Wives allow your husbands to die for you!” Wives too are called in turn to lay down their lives for their husbands. Marriage is meant to be this mutual self-giving.
There is a reason then that we don’t celebrate Catholic weddings on a beach but rather here at the altar. It is here at Mass that we celebrate Jesus’ total self-gift on Calvary. Jesus broke his body and shed his blood for us. And in marriage you are to live out the mystery we celebrate here. You say to your spouse, “Take me, this is my body given up for you.” “This my blood poured out for you.” A married couple is called to be Eucharist for each other.
God’s love is faithful. God never abandons us. His love is never ending. And so there is an exclusivity to marital love. In marriage, we have to observe appropriate boundaries with others to protect the sacred covenant of marriage. Fidelity is essential to the trust and vulnerability called for in marriage.
God’s love is fruitful. In fact, his free and total self-gift on the cross brought eternal life to the world. And so in marriage, the fruit of marital love is children. On their wedding day a couple promises to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his church. This is one of the amazing mysteries of God’s plan that he allows the love between husband and wife to be so powerful that it can become another person. When a married couple is open to life, they actually image the very inner life of God. God the Father empties himself in love for the Son. God the Son in turn gives himself totally to the Father and the love between Father and Son is a person: the Holy Spirit. And so in marriage, the love and union of spouses is so powerful it can become a new person. God the Father is the creator of all things and has allowed us to participate in his creation through the procreation of children.
On this feast of the Holy Family, let’s pray for our families. No matter what you family looks like. Maybe you are divorced or a single parent. Maybe you are married with a family. Maybe you are empty nesters. The good news of Christmas reminds us that God entered into the world as part of a family. And God wants to be a part of your family. God bless you and your family!