Darren Owen
Finding Fish
The book finding fish is an excellent recollection of Antwone Quenton Fishers life as an orphan forced into the foster care system. The book takes the reader on the journey that is Antwone Fishers life from childhood to adulthood. Fisher’s life is a true triumph over unbelievable adversity. A young Fisher was able to escape and break the cycle of an abusive environment, physical, sexual and psychological. To add to the challenges of life as a foster child, Fisher was in a low-income home with several foster siblings. Fisher is also an African American and is constantly referred to as “nigger” in his own home by his foster mother.
In the first few years of baby Fisher’s life it was apparent that Antwone had an attachment to his foster mother. “Attachment is a lasting bond that one person has with another. Attachments begin in early infancy and are evident by 8 months, solidify by age 1, and influence a persons close relationships throughout life”. (“Stassen Berger 2010” p.141). Antwone showed the behavior of an “insecure-resistant / ambivalent attachment; an insecure child may be unwilling to leave the caregivers lap”. (“Stassen Berger 2010”p.143) Although the first caregiver was loving and nurturing a secure attachment never developed according to a report from a social worker that “Antwone cannot be lured away from his foster mother’s lap even with toys” This could explain Fishers feelings of being an “uninvited guest” in the world as early as four years old.
At this point Fisher introduces many abusive acts perpetrated by Mrs. Picket, mental physical and even sexual abuse. The first mention of sexual abuse involves Melinda one of Mrs. Picket’s adult daughters. Fisher describes the act as a reoccurring dream, in graphic detail fisher describes being forced to undress and perform a sexual act on foster sister Melinda. This abuse continues for eight years until fisher finds his voice and stands up to Melinda. Fisher writes about the incredible guilt he associates with this memory. Later in the book it is suggested by a social worker that Mrs. Picket herself may be guilty of sexual abuse by making Antwone and his foster brother expose himself everyday in order to check if the boys were wearing underwear.
The center for disease control and prevention defines sexual abuse as “Engaging a child in sexual acts. It includes fondling, rape, and exposing a child to other sexual activities”. (“ 2010”)” Legally, child sexual abuse is any sexual activity between a juvenile and a person over age 18”. “Developmentalists are quite clear this may include activities beyond physical contact, such as anything that sexually arouses an adult and shames, confuses or excites a child”. “Sexual abuse can be very destructive of overall development, not only of sexual development”. (“Stassen Berger 2010” p.323)
The physical abuse inflicted on Antwone and his foster siblings by Mrs. Picket is mostly implied not detailed. There is however a detailed account of Fisher being beat unconscious by Mrs. Picket after being caught steeling money from Mrs. Picket. Antwone was whipped with a green switch from the yard. Antwone was wiped until his skin bled and he lost consciousness. Mrs. Picket bragged about the beating for years. A caseworker noted in Antwone’s file, that Antwone had probably stolen the money because he had never been given anything. The impact of the psychological and physical abuse seems to have a different effect on Dwight and Antwone. Antwone internalized his anger and confusion in his quiet and shy way. Antwone acts out by steeling money and skipping school. Dwight however showed his anger on the outside, mostly through the fights he picked with Antwone.
“According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data system (NCANDS) in 2005 an estimated 3.3 million reports of abuse and or neglect involving approximately six million children were made to local child protective services (CPS) an estimated 899,000 of these children were determined to be victims of physical abuse (UHDHHS 2007)”. (“
“Child maltreatment now refers to all intentional harm or avoidable endangerment of, anyone under 18 years of age”. “Child abuse is deliberate action that harms a child’s physical, emotional or sexual wellbeing; child neglect is failure to meet a child’s basic physical, educational or emotional needs”. (“Stassen Berger 2010”p.190-191) “Physical abuse is the use of physical force, such as hitting, kicking, hitting, burning or other show of force against a child” (“
The psychological abuse endured by Fisher and his siblings is the most apparent abuse throughout the years of living with Mrs. Picket. Mrs. Picket had verbally abused all the children in her house. She was so verbally abusive she even verbally abused the children in church. Included in every testimony was the phrase “pray for me and my wicked children” also saying the children would all be with the devil. .
“Psychological maltreatment is a concerted attack by an adult on a child’s development of self and social competence, a pattern of psychically destructive behavior to the child. (Gaabranio, et,al 1986 as sited in Thomson and Tucci 1997)”. Emotional abuse is systematic, patterned and chronic abuse that is used by a perpetrator to lower a victim’s sense of self worth and power. (Mezey, post & Maxwell).” (“
In Antwone’s young life he is exposed to racism not in the way we all think of racism. A young Fisher quickly makes the observation that the “white children are liked well by others and teachers” What is more surprising is the racism in Antwones own house among his own race. Antwone is a dark skinned individual. Mrs. Picket favors Keith, Antwon's foster brother. Keith’s father is white making Keith lighter skinned with “good hair”. Mrs. Pickets favoritism went so far that one Christmas Keith received all the gifts wile the other children received nothing. Antwone refers to Keith as the golden boy.
In middle childhood and early adolescence, Antwone is moved into Mrs. Profit’s class. I feel this could be the most influential and positive force in Antoine’s young life. Fisher describes Mrs. Profit as “the closest thing to a mother I have ever known”. Mrs. Profit was, “fair and treated everyone special”. Mrs. Profit had the ability to instill the self-esteem and created an environment were Antwone was able to develop his self-concept. Mrs. Profit encouraged rather than condemned, spoke with honest caring words, and created an environment of equality among the children.
“Self esteem- a persons evaluation of his or her own self worth, either in specifics (e.g. Intelligence, attractiveness) or in general”. (“Stassen Berger”p.198) “ Self concept a persons understanding of who he or she is incorporating self esteem, physical appearance, personality and various personal traits, such as gender and size”. (“Stassen Burger”p.198)
Mrs. Profit was also able to guide the children through the confusing time of puberty and male female interactions through hygiene education, empathy and classroom structure (tables not rows and boy girl seating arrangement). Mrs. Profits teaching helps Antwone develop confidence self image and pride even a developing sense of style. Antwone also makes the connection between sex and romance. Although unstable at times we see Antwone carry this confidence and these lessons into adulthood.
After being kicked out of the Pickets home Antwone was introduced new caseworker Miss. Niece, she showed concern and interest for what was important to Antwone. Miss Niece treated Antwone like a man giving him aftershave and encouraging his choice in picking out his own clothing. She also recognized and recorded in Antwone’s file that he was a “walking pressure cooker and could explode in an unsupported environment”. Miss Niece recommends therapy. Miss Niece also makes the connection between Antwone and his family. Offering the threads that connect Antwone to his mother and father. For a short time Antwone is able to stay at the orphanage were he lived as a baby. In the orphanage Antwone is exposed to racism as we think of it from the “white world”. A young white boy makes a comment about bringing “niggers” over here to work.
Racism defined, 1. “A belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that ones race is superior and has the right to rule others”. 2. “A policy, system of government, ect. Based upon fostering such a doctrine; discrimination”. 3. “Hatred or intolerance of another race or races”. (“dictionary.refrance.com/browse/racism”)
Antwone was moved to an intuition for boys who had criminal past. At George Junior Bill Ward is assigned to Antwone. Bill encourages Antwone to make a plan for his life. Here Antwone decides he needs to take responsibility for his life and sets his list of rules to live by.
At this point Fisher is 17 years old and finds himself homeless in Cleveland due to the fact that he is to “emotionally damaged” to take the foster home he is offered. Antwone feels he was homeless all the years in the Picket home.
“In extensive interviews with 50 homeless adolescents in Santa Clara and San Mateo counties last year, only 48 percent said they used sheltered or drop-in centers”. “The remaining 52 percent were a hidden population, so afraid they would be sent home or placed in a foster care that they shunned all contact with service providers and what they viewed as the authoritarian adult world” “ I would rather be homeless,” one teen said. “It’s cold and miserable on the streets but its better than being beaten up by parents that don’t care”. ("news.stanford.edu/pr/91”)
Due to the need for protection on the streets Antwone falls into the criminal world for a short time. The involvement in the criminal world cost Antwone an incredible beating.
Fisher now enters the army. Antwone feels this is a good place for him because the army suppresses individuality for Antwone he has always had to suppress his individuality.
In the army Antwone enjoys the feeling of sameness with the other men and at the same time Antwone feels personal pride in his achievements in the army and wishes the people from his past could see him now. In the army Antwone acquires many skills and learns many life lessens. The army offered Antwone friendship, family and education. After more than a decade in the army
Fisher leaves the army to take a job as a correctional officer. When taking the job the question of Antwon's next of kin was raised. After a three-year stay at “Terminal Island” Antwone moves to a job at Sony pictures.
Antwone starts making inquires about his mother and finds nothing. By refocusing his search he is able to find his fathers family the Elkins. Making contact with the Elkins was eye opening for Antwone. “I come from some ware and I have found my next of kin” He is informed of the circumstances of Edward Elkins tragic death from a gunshot from his child’s mother. Antwone can see the sadness and grief still felt by the Elkins family due to the loss of Edward. Antwone is informed of some of his father’s traits such as his love for music, ability to write poetry, intelligence, good looks even talking under his breath as he walked away from people. These are all traits that Antwone possess. It is also suggested that Antwone's grandfather also shared these traits and felt “knowlege is power”. The similarity in the traits these three relatives seem to suggest the strong influence of genetics. Although Antwone experienced very little nurturing in childhood the genetic influences are apparent in some of the activities that probably helped Antwone cope with his environment (reading, writing and music).
“The nature vs. nurture issue has been around for ages, and scholars have still not concluded which of the two has a greater effect on a person. Nature referring to heredity, and nurture referring to the environment, are two very reasonable explanations to why we are the people we are today. This debate over whether nature or nurture has a bigger effect on us has been argued and supported by both sides. Each side stresses very important details and good explanations for why nature or nurture controls how we develop. Experimentation and research has been conducted on these two sides, and each is supported with good theories as to why nature or nurture is the important influence on us”. (“
The meetings with his mother reveled that Eva; Antwone's mother had been product of her environment. Eva was also a product of a dysfunctional life that she could not escape.
Antwone seemed to recognize that as hard as his life had been his mothers had been more difficult.
After finding his family Antwone requested time off to meet his family. After hearing Antwon’s story his boss told executives at Sony the story and soon Antwone had an offer to write his biography as a screenplay.
Fishers book was entertaining, what I find astonishing is Fisher’s ability to overcome all of the challenges of being in the foster care system for eighteen years. In Antwon’s young life he over came more two -dozen social workers and an abusive low-income home with no connection to his family. Some of his success may be due to genetics (Talents and intelligence). At important points in Fishers life caring teachers, and social workers and superiors in the army positively influenced Antwone. Although nit consistent or permanent I believe these positive influences played a large role in Fishers success as an adult. Fisher had the ability to overcome all the negative influences around him. Fisher is now a successful screenplay writer, author, husband and father.
Bibliography
American Humane Assocation. Child Physical Abuse.
Emotional/Psychological Abuse Fact Sheet
Guirguis Shady. Nature vs. Nurture.
Racism Definition
Stanford University “study sheds light on hidden population of homeless teens”
Stassen Berger “Invitation to the Life Span” Worth Publishers, 2010
Us department of Health and Human Services. “child maltreatment”