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De’von[I1] Parhms
Andrew Porter-Mitchell
The Adventures Of A trouble maker
Twelve grade year was my hardest school year yet. Having to deal with peer pressureandof course my family. Let me tell you something about my life. My name is Frank, I attend N.Hale High school. Most of my days started off in the principal’s office where I had to serve my mourning detention. My name was known by faculty throughout the school. Everybody knew me as a class clown or the troublemaker. My life took a quick turn for the worse when I found out there was a chance that I wasn’t going to be able to graduate, it was major. It all began in the middle of the second semester.
It was an ordinary day I was stuck in detention with the principal, “Mr. Green”. He approached me and told me to come sit in his office. It was out of the ordinary for me to go in his office because during detention he would never bother me. He told me, “come in and take a seat. We got things to talk about Frank”. The principal pulled up my high school credits on his computer. I have one-hundred-fifty credits. He tells me, “You see your credits. How do you think you would past high school when you don’t have enough credits?” I reply in a truthful manner, “I could care less”. In return he tells me, “You need at least two-hundred-twenty credits to graduate. You have to pass every single class you have. That’s the only chance you got to graduate. Get a bad grade in any class and you’re done!!!” I looked at Mr. Green and asked him “are we finished here?” Mr. Green simply replayed “Yes you are done, now go back to class.”
Later on that day, I was in class I was feeling kind of tired from today’s detention, I had to wake up early and clean the school. I was dozing off in class and suddenly I hear, smack! A book had been dropped on my desk by the teacher. The teacher asked, “What’s wrong, why are you not taking notes”. I just sat and ignored her. She replays in a low growl “you need to take school more seriously” I sighed and told her “Sure whatever you say.” The teacher walked away and shortly Students started talking to me. I enjoy daily conversation with Students but sometimes it can get me in trouble. I made sure that the Teacher never caught me dozing off again while I sat through the lecture.
After school I was invited by Friends to attend this party. I was feeling iffy about it because I have only been to family birthday parties never high school parties. I decided to go to the party with Friends. Friends introduced me to a close acquaintance, Drugs. The guys would stare at her with their red glossy eyes and each one look as if they were in a trance intoxicated by are unique odor of lust and romance. Drugs was the life of the party and everyone know when she was around. Drugs and I got to know each other on a more personal level that night.I found myself unable to leave her presence. The more I talk to her, the more I wanted to be next to her. She later asked me if we could hang out more, Ieagerly accepted her offer.
Later on at home I was watching TV while thinking about Drugs and her offer. I found myself unable to leave her presence and somehow felt hung-over with thoughts about her. All of the sudden I heard footsteps coming from my bedroom. The bedroom door opened and behind me was my old friend Homework. He sat down next to me on the couch and snatched the TV remote away from me. In a quick reaction I screamed, “What the HELL is your problem!” He told me, “When was the last time we got to speak Frank?” In the back of my head I was thinking about how long it was. I said, “It’s been since middle school.”He asked me, “When are we going to hang out again?” I told him, “You’re too boring for me. Now leave.” He walked out with a disgusted face and told me, “You’re making a horrible decision. Watch you’ll see.”
The next day, I had seen Friends on the way to school. He said we should ditch the first half of the school day and meet up with Drugs.When we met up with Drugs it was already about nine o, clock, we spent about an hour with Drugs. We were talking about throwing our own party. By time we were done talking it was about eleven o, clock. We started making our way back to the school, we were entering the school at lunch time and that’s when the principal saw us. He asked us where we have been. At the end he gave Friends a detention and told me to come with him to his office.
Instead of walking into his office we entered the room next door labeled “Student Counselor.” That’s where I was greeted with a handshake and an inviting smile that told me “welcome”. I sat down in the spinning chair in front of his desk. He told me he was going to help me with my credit issue only if I gave him a chance to help me. He introduced me to a friend of his named Good Guy, which just so happened to be my inner conscience. He told me to get to know Good Guy make things right with the people you have hurt and leave drugs alone.
Later on that day, I was thinking and talking to Good Guy on ways I can graduate from high school. He told me, “First-things-first, go make amends with Homework and Homework will show you the rest of the way.” I went to Homework’s house to apologize. He gradually accepted my apology. He took me to the school to talk with my teacher. He told my teacher about how hard I been working with him to pass this class and graduate. The teacher was proud to hear that I was working with homework. I felt my life was finally changing for the better.
Two months later, I’m proud to say that I stopped talking to Drugs, and got all my credits before graduation day.My graduation day was most likely the best day of my life. I received two rewards one for “Most Improved” and the other one for “Most Likely to Succeed.” If anything I have learned from this ordeal is that, “All you need is the right person to help guide you to the right path to success.” If I could do it, Lord knows you can too.
[I1]Your narrative effectively incorporates the use of allegorical characters and embodies all of the characteristics of a morality story/play (per the example, Everyman). Per our conversation on Wednesday, below is a summary of my overall notes for your narrative.
You do not provide your reader time to establish setting and conflict before moving on to the next sequence. For example, Frank is meeting with the Principal and the conversation ends abruptly and based on our overall experiences at school, you must address the unrealistic response that Frank provides. His character is being pulled from scene without a logical transition.
Be careful with your use of Proper Nouns (Homework). You must ensure that you do not use Lonely as a common noun (homework). It will confuse the reader as to whether the action involves a protagonist, antagonist, or supporting character.
Lastly, to develop your characters further, consider replacing your direct characterizations of characters, such as Drugs. If you apply the mnemonic device S.T.E.A.L. you will have five different options of incorporating indirect characterizations into the narrative that will allow readers to deepen their understanding of the allegorical connection between the character and their name.
In other words, don’t tell the reader why he is called Drugs or that Frank immediately becomes addicted. What does Drugs say (S) to Frank?; Think (T); what is Drugs’ Effect on Others €?; what does Drugs Do? What are his Actions (A); and how does Drugs Look (L)?
You also have numerous grammatical and punctuation errors which will reviewed after your submit your Rough Draft. I want to ensure that your story and character development are solid before moving on to the next phase of proofreading/editing.
Incorporate my notes into your Rough Draft and resubmit to via email.
Please save your document using the following title template: Title of Story_RD_Date
Email your Rough Draft to me by the end of the class period.