Table and Team Dynamics

TABLE AND TEAM DYNAMICS by Barb Frazee

In John 3:30 we read that St. John the Baptist told his followers, “He must increase, I must decrease”. Of course the “He” was Jesus. As Team members (actually in everyday life) we must have that same mindset. We must empty ourselves and keep Jesus first and foremost in everything we do. The Spiritual Directors, T.C., Assistants, Service Team Chairs, and all of the Team members were selected by the Holy Spirit to be on this particular Team. He called us to one mission: to serve the candidates by giving them a witness as to what authentic life in Christ is like and thereby give them a zeal to leave their weekend proclaiming Him to all of their environments.
We have been called to be servant. I will never forget the last Team Meeting for Irene Murray’s weekend. I was Palanca Chair and had arranged for a foot washing of the Team by the Palanca members. Before we finished with everyone, Deacon Paul Brachle took a towel from one of our women and proceeded to wash our feet. The rest of the Team quickly followed suit. Everyone on that teamwas servant to all! Wouldn’t it be great if the only competition in this world was that of being not the very best athlete, or CEO, or actor, or the prettiest, or the richest, or the smartest - - but of “out-servanting” one another? How coolwould that be?
We need to die to self. Leave our problems at home on Thursday. For the whole weekend, we need to always put others first. Defer to the Leadership at all times. Never stop thinking of the candidates. And – this is very important – be the first to answer the bell. Remember that the candidates will take their cues from you. If you feel the bell is not important to answer immediately, neither will they. Timing on the weekend is very important. Help it run smoothly by being an obedient servant.
Do the job you’ve been called to do and only the job the Holy Spirit has called you to. Yes, the Conference Room Team and the talks they give are very important. But, how many weekends have you seen candidates touched deeply by a humble and enthusiastic Service Team? I’ve been to so many Closings where the Service Team has gotten a standing ovation (usually started by candidates) when they walk in. All are important for the weekend to be what we know what it can be.
It’s crucial to make sure no one is ever excluded; starting from the arrival of the first candidate on Thursday night until you’re in your car on your way home on Sunday night.
It would be too easy to be around those we know well and have close friendships with. But the time for Team bonding is at Team Formation. Don’t ever let a candidate stand or sit alone unless they want to. Be a welcoming host or hostess for Jesus.
Concerning your particular job on the weekend: know that you’ve been put where Jesus knows you’ll do the most good for His beloved candidates. Stay within your job, but be available to candidates. We ask that the Service Team be in as little contact with the candidates as possible. However, if a candidate approaches you, be totally present to them. In a lot of instances, it would be appropriate to refer them back to Conference Room members, but use your discernment. Don’t ever make a candidate feel rejected or a burden. Wherever you are, always present Jesus – let them see Him in your eyes – be Jesus with skin on.
An important part of the Weekend is to present an AUTHENTIC Christian Community to the candidates. We want to leave them with a desire to have the kinds of relationships we have with Jesus and each other. If we’re phony or less than truthful in those relationships, they’ll see right through it. If you have any differences with another Team member, resolve them before the Weekend. Pray for them and with them. If the differences can’t be resolved, it would be better to drop off this particular Team. It would be better not to be there than to have the candidates pick up on any kind of tension between Team Members.
Always come to the Weekend ready to serve, serve, serve. One story Ro DeLascio tells is about a weekend her sister made. She was sitting in the Conference Room with her hands on top of her head, palms up. It seems she was telling her table family that she had a terrible headache. At that moment, one of the Service Team was walking by with Tylenol in her hand for herself. As she heard the comment, she dropped the Tylenol in the candidate’s hand and kept walking. That Team member was aware of what was going on around her and took advantage of the moment with a servant’s heart. To hear Ro tell it, to this day her sister believes it was the Holy Spirit who dropped the Tylenol in her hand!
Come to the Weekend ready to love, love, love. Sometimes people come to the Weekend nervous, intimidated, or more than a bit reluctant. Give yourself the gift of helping that candidate relax and bask in the love of Jesus and each other. So often the candidate who seems the most unlovable to us on Thursday night is the very one who has touched our hearts profoundly by Sunday night. Even if that never happens, we are still called to love.
Come to the Weekend filled with joy, joy, joy. Nothing is more attractive than a joyful man or woman totally in love with Jesus! But remember to always act as if Jesus is standing right by your side (He is, you know). Always behave in an appropriate, Christ-like manner – never with any inappropriate or off-color comments or jokes.
It’s very important to remember who the candidates are. They’ve been asked to this Weekend by Jesus and their sponsors because they are leaders. Give them the respect they deserve. We have been getting a caliber of candidate in recent years (it has been commented on by many) who are extremely spiritual and already very active in their faith. I learn much from the candidates. Most of the time, the only information I have that they don’t is Cursillo info. Don’t ever do candidates the disservice of answering their questions for them. Throw questions back at the table and let them discuss them. They are intelligent people. Don’t sell them short. We’re not there to answer their questions (other than questions about Cursillo or the Weekend), we’re there to gently guide them and facilitate discussion. If questions regarding theology or Church teaching come up, refer them to the Spiritual Directors – that’s one of the reasons they’re there. I remember one particular weekend that I was a Table Leader on, the question of the Church’s teaching of birth control came up. There were as many opinions as candidates at my table. Our 20 minute discussion was over, but no one was taking a break and a bit of a hot discussion ensued. Fr. Mark was standing at the opposite end of the room and I called him over to explain the Church’s official stance on the subject. Before you knew it, most of the conference room was standing around our table getting “the real story”, from the right source. We need to know our own faith and be strong in it. Recognize, however, that our faith isn’t necessarily the kind of faith the person sitting next to us has. Don’t feel compelled to “convert” them to our way of thinking or believing. We must be dedicated Catholics, but remember that we’re not infallible. Again, if there is disagreement that you feel is misguided or erroneous regarding the teachings of the Catholic Church, refer the matter to one of the Spiritual Directors. Never belittle or correct a candidate for their beliefs or opinions.
Here are some guidelines for Table Leaders:
Quiet is a very powerful tool. It can be uncomfortable, but allows the candidates time to think and initiate discussion. Especially after the Ideal talk, give them a little time to think before jumping in and starting things off. If after a few moments, things remain silent, start off with a question from the sheet that is usually provided at Team Meetings to start off the discussion. On the weekend that I finally learned to keep quiet as a Table Leader, a candidate came up to me on Sunday and told me what a great facilitator and Table Leader I was. One of my greatest compliments came when I kept my mouth shut! Hmmmm…..
Never argue. Find time to DISCUSS differences of opinion in a respectful manner apart from table discussion time.
If you get stuck, have a difficult situation or candidate – pray, pray, pray. Ask the Palanca Team to pray for the situation. It’s not necessary to mention a candidate by name – God knows who they are. Go to Leadership and the Spiritual Directors for help in difficult situations. Be humble. Don’t depend on yourself but seek help when you need it. Don’t overblow problems. Remember, the candidates will probably go through a lot this weekend. Let them. Don’t solve their problems for them. Chances are, Jesus created those situations to call them closer to Him. Don’t take that opportunity away from them. Jesus knows better than you do what they need. Suggest Spiritual Direction, Reconciliation, and Chapel time to them. Don’t, however, miss the opportunity to be a listening ear, give a hug, or share a tear (or downright good cry) when needed. Try personal contact to help understand behavior. Constantly ask the Holy Spirit for discernment in any situation.
Make sure everyone at your table gets a chance to speak. Ask a more talkative or conversation dominating candidate to help you draw quieter members into the conversation. Don’t, however, embarrass anyone by putting them on the spot. One particular weekend I had a candidate at my table who was actually making the other candidates angry with her know-it-all attitude and by dominating the discussion constantly. The other candidates were quickly turning off. Before one of the talks was about to begin, I casually asked one of the other table family members where she had gotten her degree in theology. Without embarrassing the other candidate, the message was gotten across that other people at the table might have very interesting things to say and would recognize flaws in the ”facts” that were being presented. The entire tide turned and everyone from that moment on enthusiastically joined in on discussions. If you can’t come up with solutions, don’t hesitate to go to other or more experienced Team members for ideas. Keep the discussion on track.
Know the talks. Read all of the talks and familiarize yourself with the important message each talk must get across. You might have to fill in some holes or give some important information missed in a talk to keep the progression of talks intact. Take notes. If you do, the candidates will.
Never sleep during a talk. This can be very hard sometimes, especially after meals and on Sunday when we’re all tired ; do whatever it takes to stay awake and alert. Don’t get up to get food or drinks or for any other reason during a talk. Always pay close attention so you can respond appropriately to comments and questions.
Again – be the first to answer the bell!
Stay with your own table but be available to other candidates. You never know when something you said in a talk or discussion at any time during the weekend strikes a chord with a candidate. If they need to talk to you, set up a time during free time when you can give them your undivided attention.
Don’t be an expert. #1 – it can be a real turn-off and #2 – nothing can kill a discussion faster than “expert” opinions.
Here are some guidelines for the Service Team:
Palanca – Be at the service of your Chairperson. ALWAYS be present for prayer times with Speakers unless asked to do a different job by your Chairperson. When asked to guard the Chapel doors during Chapel visits, please don’t leave your post.
Kitchen – Be at the service of your Chairperson. Any time you don’t have kitchen duties, please be present in the Chapel to do Palanca, deliver letters, etc.. No Team member really should have any free time – that’s pretty well reserved for the candidates.
All Service Team Members – Please be at all Mass and Chapel times. Be punctual unless asked by leadership to do something special. Please sit in the back or on the sides in the Chapel or Church.
On Thursday night -
Welcome the candidates. Be with them. Please don’t hug other Team members or sponsors. Nothing can make a candidate feel more on the outside than a bunch of people hugging each other. Answer the bell. Maintain the Thursday night quiet. It’s really good for you, too.
On Friday – Maintain the quiet until after Mass. Remember that the Friday Mass is to be kept low-key. Be an example in the Chapel. Maintain a quiet and reverential attitude whenever appropriate. Be an example at table. Be the first to answer the bell. Give your complete attention to all speakers. Give your all to your table. Take notes. BE AT YOUR TABLE. Don’t be visiting around. Let the candidates come up with their own posters. Die to self here. It can be tempting to give them answers and ideas. Remember, the best poster isn’t the purpose. A summary of the day’s message is. Encourage leadership whenever possible.
Again I emphasize respect. Remember that most of the candidates are only a little less than 72 hours away from being Cursillo leaders!
On Saturday – gently encourage your table to go to Reconciliation if they haven’t gone yet. Be genuine in your chapel visit. Know what you’re doing and don’t force anyone to pray out loud if they don’t want to. This may be the first time that a candidate may have ever experienced spontaneous prayer.
On Sunday -
Everyone is wearing down. Now is the time to really put forth extra effort to stay alert. The Sunday talks contain very important messages and we don’t want those messages missed. Keep taking notes. Keep discussions on track.
Service Team: Don’t give the impression that “It’s over!” by cleaning everything up too early, but don’t leave everything until after the Closing. Be discreet in taking things apart.
The Closing is only the beginning of the candidates’ Fourth Day. STAY IN TOUCH with phone calls, notes, or even meetings in restaurants. Remind them of Grouping, Ultreyas, Closings, and the Weekend Reunion.
Soooo….
We have a mere 72 hours to get the job done – make them count!
Exemplify Christian Community. Make it the most desirous thing they can think of next to Christ.
Keep Christ in the forefront ALWAYS!
Let the weekend happen naturally. Be well prepared by Team Meetings.
Do your job, backed by Palanca.
If you’ve done your best and given your all to Jesus, the candidates, and the other Team Members, you’ll be able to go home knowing you have done the job you were called to do and you did the best you could. You were backed by Palanca, so Jesus was always there to guide. You had Christ as your focus. You helped increase His message and love in the candidates. You helped inspire a desire to bring Christ to the world. Pretty awesome!
And as you leave Sunday night, you may just be able to hear Jesus’ words to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”