The Unknown

Studying remote golf courses beyond the Solar System, calls for strength of character, mental agility, physical stamina, and above all, a screw missinghelps aswell, a new frontierbeckons.

Gathering the right people for the trip is as important as a plat de jour is for 2tits, better known as ‘Scatty’ or beam me up.

Most of the group joined the spaceship at Blackpool pier for the six day trip into the remote area of Rio Branco, near to Pandora’s Cluster in the Spiral Galaxy NGC 3370 to search for the Arua tribe who play on their private golf course on theplanetHalesore. We rentedthe spaceship ‘ USS Winaprize’ from a second hand dealership in Luton which has terrible reputation for spaceships that never make it, good luck the blonde receptionist said as Captain Organ Riser gave her our FFG numbers and booked the times for our flight. which we equipped with food and specialist gear, golf clubs, wine, beer, chocolate biscuits, blow up doll for loopy, very large bucket for ‘fire hose’ water pistol, table lamp, magnifying glass to hang in the toilet, nappies, crisps, tents, food and all the stuff you need for an old farts huge expedition. The last group of anthropologists who made contact with the Arua tribe did so in the Valley of Sin in 1988, a remote area beyond the White River, and it was Professor S. R. Pellegrino from Milan that discovered the life giving elixir when he stumbled over two women collecting the elixir in the bushes behind the fifteenth tee, he promised never to reveal his secret on the pain of death and the secret remains with him to this day. He still has a smile on his face.

The French reputedly buy one jar a month of the special elixir collected by the females from the exclusive golf course. The elixir which is known locally as EMOC can cure almost all ailments, including a shank,as long as you say it correctly, and has the gift of life. We have to find the secret of hitting it out the middle.The jars are transported through secret couriers who travel between the remote areas of the course using a map stolen from ‘it went away ‘ unfortunately ‘it went away’ is now using a different map which is being altered as we speak, this now makes it almost impossible to track the couriers and find the secret, but we will try.

‘Ohura (loopy) get that camera out of your mouth and tell me what that is on the screen’ ,said Captain Organ we don’t want to see what you had for breakfast, ‘Christ’ we’re coming up to the Whirlpool Galaxy so we are way off course, it was McKoy (it went away) that plotted the course Captain, but I’ll soon change it and head for Pandora’s Box.

Capt Organ (want to buy a club) was practising his putting on the bridge when Scatty (2tits) announced that McKoy was looking a bit hang dog since they had beamed him up and his face had got mixed up with a turnip in the particle accelerator as he was carrying two bags of messages from Tesco, you don’t look too good, maybe we could reverse it if we put you back into the transporter with a tin of baked beans, that should make your face a bit thinner, the down side is that you might end up looking like ‘Spuk’ who has big ears and can detect movement in another galaxy. ‘Don’t Move’ said Spuk, ‘ I think there’s a ‘extratitleist’ on the bridge, it’s mine said ‘Sulky’ I thought it was okay if I kept it in my pocket until we reached Halesore, that’s okay Sulky, but stop playing with it and bring us up to warp factor 3 or we won’t get our tee times, okay captain but it could be dangerous as we pass very close to the ‘White Giant’ at the edge of the Spiral galaxy BFA UPU2, and there won’t be much left of the ‘USS Winaprize’ if we get sucked into that. More power Scatty, I’ll do my best captain. Halesore was the 8th planet from a red giant star close to Pandora’s Box, a galaxy at the far end of the universe.

Will they find the secret Elixir?

Don’t Miss the next episode.

‘Spuk’