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Sermon Notes for January 28, 2007

Dealing With Difficult Emotions

As a Christian

Sermon Series

“Anger”

Ephesians 4:25-31

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?" The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?" The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial"
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...." The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father. "Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You’ve got lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.” He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!" The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"

Introduction

  1. We Continue Our Sermon Series On DEALING WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS AS A CHRISTIAN.
  2. As Christians, WE MUST realize that we have emotions.
  3. you can’t become “so spiritual” that you cease to be emotional
  4. emotions is something that EVERY HUMAN BEING EXPERIENCES!
  5. The only outcome that you will have when you deny your emotions is:
  6. depression
  7. outbursts
  8. disconnection with life
  9. Dr. David Belgum states that up to 75% of people in hospitals have physical illnesses rooted in emotional causes and that their physical symptoms and breakdown may be their involuntary dealing with their guilt
  10. We Continue Our Sermon Series By Looking At The EMOTION OF ANGER.
  11. Everyone’s struggle.
  12. ChristianBooks.com – 550 books dealing with anger
  13. Amazon.com, 1180 references to books dealing with anger
  14. “She’s Gonna Blow”
  15. Examples of anger:

1. A recent newspaper article painted this picture of a white-collar
worker: You’re stuck in traffic, making you late to work for the
third time in a week. Walking in the door, you pass by a co-
worker you cannot stand, who offers you a fake smile and a
“you’re late” comment. You keep walking, but the anger that is
simmering below the surface begins to move to the top. Upon
reaching your desk, you notice a stack of work waiting that
your boss wants done “ASAP.” You think about having a cup
of coffee, than notice someone took the last drop and didn’t
bother refilling the pot. About now, it feels like the top of your
head may come off. You are truly cranky, and it’s not even 9
a.m.

2. A recent Gallup poll found that 49 percent of those surveyed
generally experience anger at work, with one out of six
becoming so angry that he or she felt like hitting another
person.

  1. Your struggle.
  2. in my opinion, there are a lot of angry Christians out there

1. my experience in counseling

2. dealing with fellow Pastors over the last 30 years (recent
telephone conversation with Pastor)

  1. there seems to be a lot of supressed anger in the church

1. revealed in meetings where there are differences of opinion

2. anger that “bursts forth”

  1. My struggle.
  2. as a preacher, there are a few times that you feel that you identify with the topic you are preaching on – today is such a day
  3. anger is one of those areas that I deal with a lot, personally

1. my particular temperament

2. my competitive nature

3. dealing with my goals and drive

  1. I have learned to deal with it, or it could “eat me alive”

1. mad at a boss

2. mad at God over the death of my mother

  1. Our struggle.
  2. please do not think that I have it altogether regarding anger
  3. I deal with anger, almost daily and hope to help you deal with it as we look at today’s text

I. The REALITY of Anger.

  1. Anger DEFINED.
  2. An emotional arousal caused by something that displeases us.
  3. Being provoked.
  4. A negative emotional response.
  5. As we look at anger, there is Biblical anger and unbiblical anger.
  6. Anger DEFENDED.
  7. Biblical Anger.
  8. good examples of Biblical anger:

1. God

a. I Kings 11:9 – “The Lord became angry with
Solomon because his heart had turned away from the
Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him
twice.”

b. II Kings 22:13b – “Great is the Lord’s anger that
burns against us because our fathers have not obeyed the
words of this book.”

2. Jesus

a. When the Pharisees accused Jesus because He healed a
man on the Sabbath day, Mark 3:5 – “He looked
around at them in anger and deeply distressed at their
stubborn hearts, said to the man, ‘Stretch out your
hand.’ He stretched it out, and his hand was completely
restored.”

b. Overturning the tables of the moneychangers. John
2:15-16

3. Paul as he dealt with Peter in Galatians 2:11 – “When Peter
came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was
clearly in the wrong.”

  1. in fact, just like God, Jesus and Paul, Christians SHOULD show more anger than they do

1. James M. Boice – “It is as wrong not to be angry in a
situation demanding anger, as it is to be angry at the wrong
time and for the wrong reasons.”

2. Kent Hughes – “Proper anger is a sign of spiritual life and
health.”

3. John Piper – “Last week I was reading a book whose
teaching is so wrong, so harmful to the church, and so injurious
to God’s glory that I got so angry I wanted to tear it in half.”

4. last week in the Knox News Sentinel, we read about the brutal
murder of two young people – How can you not be angry?

  1. LOOK CAREFULLY AT THE TEXT! Vs. 26.

1. versions

a. NIV - “In your anger do not sin.”

b. KJV – “Be ye angry, and sin not.”

2. the meaning.

a. the Greek reveals a great deal about the meaning

1. “Be ye angry” is actually a Present Passive
Imperative

a. Present

1. It happens every day.

2. Anger is not about the past or the
future, but about the present.

b. Passive

1. The passive voice shows that
something happened to you to
CAUSE you to “become” angry.

2. You did not cause the anger;
something “made” you angry.

c. Imperative

1. It is a COMMAND that you
become angry.

2. You are SUPPOSED to become
angry.

2. “And sin not” is a Present Active Imperative.

a. Present

1. I am to do this today

2. I am not to wait

b. Active

1. The active voice in the Greek
shows that you are the one who
decided what will happen.

2. Despite the fact that something
“made” you angry, YOU are not
to actively “allow” yourself to fall
into sin because of your anger.

c. Imperative

1. and you are commanded not to
sin when you become angry

2. you are in charge of that balance

b. the Greek thus reveals the struggle

1. we are called and commanded to become angry
with the things that anger God - but we are not to
allow that anger to “turn into” sin

a. growing up in an alcoholic home – your
response

b. my mother’s cancer – my response

2. yes, we were sinned against, but we are not to
fall into another sin by responding in anger and
hate toward the guilty party

c. how can you know that you are Biblically angry?

1. notice Jesus’ righteous anger in Mark 3:5 – “He
looked around at them in anger and, deeply
distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the
man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He stretched it
out, and his hand was completely restored.”

a. he was angry (deeply distressed)

b. but he was grieved as well

2. so . . . how many times have you been Biblically
angry?

  1. Unbiblical Anger.
  2. bad expressions of unbiblical anger

1. you wrongly focus on YOURSELF

a. sinful anger is caused when YOU don’t get what you
want

b. look at James 4:1-3 – “What causes fights and quarrels
among you? Don’t they come from your desires that
battle within you? You want something but don’t get
it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you
want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because
you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive,
because you ask with wrong motives, that you may
spend what you get on your pleasures.”

c. you get mad because:

1. someone upsets YOU

2. someone left YOU out

3. someone didn’t hire you

4. someone cut YOU off in traffic

2. you wrongly focus on OTHERS

a. you hate another person

b. you think bad thoughts about an individual who upset
you

  1. basic understanding of unbiblical anger

1. it’s actually not that hard to understand when you are
unbiblically angry

a. you are not thinking of God’s holiness being attacked

b. and you are not “grieved” at what has happened

2. no, you have been hurt, you are upset and angry, AND YOU
WANT TO GIVE THEM A PIECE OF YOUR MIND!

3. here is the acid test to see if you are truly angry

a. how will you feel if the person that has offended you
walks in the room? Will you stay or will you leave?

b. can you look them in the eye?

c. do you wish them well?

d. can you pray for them?

4. now, let’s look at the “kinds of anger” that we should confess

II. The RANGE Of Anger.

  1. INTERNAL SINS.

Vs. 31 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger.”

  1. bitterness
  2. the Greeks defined this term as the spirit that refuses to be reconciled
  3. an anger that has settled in the heart
  4. a brooding spirit
  5. a spirit of irritability
  6. rage
  7. the Greeks defined this word as the flame that comes from straw: it quickly blazes up and subsides
  8. beginning to verbalize and to boil over
  9. anger
  10. your anger has become a part of you
  11. you get up angry and go to bed angry
  12. you are combative, unable to be pleased
  1. EXTERNAL SINS.

Vs. 31 – “brawling and slander, along with every form of malice”

  1. brawling
  2. your anger is becoming more obvious
  3. you may “lose your temper”
  4. threatening to inflict bodily harm
  5. slander
  6. boiling over with rage
  7. you are now cursing another person behind and in front of them
  8. there is a deliberate attempt to cause harm on another
  9. all forms of malice
  10. an overall attitude of meanness and wickedness
  11. you take great delight in harming another
  12. you want that other person to suffer
  1. let me tell you how I deal with my anger

1. H.M.

2. other times

III. The RESPONSIBILITY With Anger.

  1. Deal With the SIN.
  2. FOCUS ON FORGIVENESS.

Vs. 31 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

a. the word get rid of means to take it away, lift it up, raise it up, elevate;
carry off, clear the air

b. but, you CAN’T do this on your own

1. you need God’s help

2. confess, forgive and restore

c. this is an AORIST PASSIVE IMPERATIVE

1. passive means that it is done to you

2. we must have God’s help to do this

  1. FORGIVE OTHER PEOPLE!

Vs. 32 – “Forgive each other.”

  1. notice that Paul is ASSUMING that your anger is directed at another PERSON!

1. you may be angry at higher taxes

2. you could be angry at traffic

3. but most likely you have directed your anger at another
PERSON

  1. notice the Greek tense for forgive - A PRESENT PARTICIPLE

1. Paul is saying that we are to forgive as a way of life.

a. it is not in the past tense or the future tense

b. we are to “live” in a forgiving mood

2. forgiveness should describe the life of the Christian

  1. Oh how difficult it is to forgive!

1. notice – NOT TO FORGIVE IS A SIN!

a. sin is hard to let go of

b. sin is an addiction – just like a drug

c. sin has you; you don’t have it

2. but the only way to forgive someone is to do it spiritually

a. confess your sin of hatred, bitterness and anger

b. and then FORGIVE that other person

1. don’t feel like you have to “want to”

2. in obedience to God’s Word – DO IT!

  1. FORGIVE OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE GOD FORGAVE YOU!

Vs. 32 – “Just as in Christ, God forgave you.”

  1. notice that Paul does not say, just as in Jesus Christ God forgave you
  2. no, Paul said, “Just as in Christ, God forgave you”

1. Paul is CLEARLY showing us WHO forgave us – it was
CHRIST!

a. Jesus is His earthly name – salvation

b. Christ is His heavenly title – king!

2. how can you, a mere sinner like other sinners, not forgive
another . . .

a. when the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, forgave
you!

b. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

  1. Deal With The SUN.

Vs. 27 – “And do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

  1. What is a DAY?
  2. Paul, being a Jew, was very clear about what a day was

1. for Paul, a Sabbath day was from sundown on Friday to
sundown on Saturday

2. Paul was not talking about a week, a month or a year. He was
talking about a day

  1. Paul is talking about dealing with your anger BEFORE the sun sets
  2. by the time you have gotten into bed or the night, it is already past sunset

1. it is so typical for couples to go to bed angry

2. and to face away from one another

3. Lenski – Let us put this plainly since even Pastors
misunderstand it. The moment a man wrongs me I must
forgive him. Then my soul is free. If I hold the wrong
against him I sin against God and against him and
jeopardize my forgiveness with God. Whether the man
repents, makes amends, asks my pardon or not, makes no
difference. I have instantly forgiven him. He must face God
with the wrong he has done.

  1. What is the DEAL?
  2. notice that Paul uses a different word than anger. Instead, Paul says “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath”

1. the word anger suggests a negative emotional response to a
person or a situation

2. the word wrath is the next level above anger

a. exasperation, an anger nursed, a settled condition of
anger

b. you have been hurt and have allowed that hurt and
anger to grow

  1. to some degree, you have moved beyond merely being hurt to wanting to get revenge
  1. Deal With SATAN.

Vs. 27 – “And do not give the devil a foothold.”

  1. At this point, you have LITERALLY invited Satan to affect your spiritual life.
  2. because You are not in control of your emotions, anger is

1. if you disagree with me, try to turn off your anger on your own

a. you wake up at 2:00 a.m. and you are still angry

b. during the day, you can’t help but think about what this
person did to you

c. on vacation, you think about that person

2. you are UNABLE to be in a relationship with that person

  1. Satan can then “play to your weaknesses”

1. in football, if a defensive lineman is hurt, where will the
opposing coach run the ball?

2. in tennis –

a. I had surgery on tennis elbow

b. playing doubles against two left-handed players

c. guess where they hit their serves?

3. once, some sailors sailed to a tropical island to pick up
coconuts

a. there were monkeys who were guarding the island and
the coconuts

b. they began to throw objects at the monkeys, who in
turn threw the coconuts at the sailors and onto the boat,
thus doing their work for them!

  1. Satan will nurse, encourage, remind and do everything that he can to keep you angry and upset.
  2. you will be out of control – exactly when Satan wants you
  3. you will wish harm on another – the thought Satan wants you to feel
  4. you are committed to NOT reconciling – thus showing the world that the gospel of Christ is a total joke!
  5. Frederick Buechner says: “Of the 7 deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
  1. How To Know If You Have DEALT With Your Anger.

Vs. 32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another.”

  1. THE WAY that you will know that you have dealth with your anger is how yu will deal with the other person
  2. deal with your attitude – “Be kind”

1. sweet, gentle, gracious, amiable in disposition

2. an attitude that LOOKS for the positive – not the negative

3. you are a spiritual optimist

  1. deal with your actions – “Be compassionate”

1. this word is a Greek word meaning bowels