September 14, 2015 MINNESOTA Update 15-17
THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL TRAINING UPDATE: JudicialTraining Updates typically focus on criminal, civil, family, evidentiary and jury trial substantive and procedural issues. However, on occasion, if we come across a related topic of particular interest,wewill deviate from our typicalupdate format. Over the years much has been written about the stresses associated with the practice of law. According to Psychology Today, University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: "40 percent of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change." Given the fact that the law profession leads the nation with the highest incidence of depression and unhappiness, a training update on the ten habits of chronically unhappy people seemed particularly appropriate.
WE ALL WORK IN A HYPER-COMPETITIVE, STRESS FILLED ENVIRONMENT:The practice of law can be demanding and exceedingly stressful. Put an ordinary individual (which includes even the most well balanced and well-adjusted lawyer or judge) in a hyper-competitive, stress filled, emotional, high stakes environment such as the law, and you have the formula for a psychological crisis. According to an often-cited Johns Hopkins University study of more than 100 occupations, researchers found that lawyers lead the nation with the highest incidence of depression and unhappiness.
TEN (10)TRAITS & HABITSEVERY JUDGE & ATTORNEY SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR: Although there are many legal professionals that are truly happy, most of us bounce back and forth between happiness and unhappiness depending on the day. According to Psychology Today, there are ten traits and habits that chronically unhappy people have mastered. However,it is important to remember, we all have bad days, even weeks when we fall down in all ten areas.The difference between a happy and unhappy life is how often and howlong we stay there.Here are the ten traits and habits to guard against:
1. YOUR DEFAULT BELIEF IS THAT LIFE IS HARD:Happy people know life can be hard and tend to bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess, and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.Perseverance towards problem solving versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.
2. YOU CONCENTRATE ON WHAT IS WRONG IN THIS WORLD VERSUS WHAT IS RIGHT:There isplenty wrong with this world, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what's good in this world and instead focus only on what is wrong. They are the ones complaining and responding to any positive attributes of our world with "yeah but". Happy people are aware of local and world issues, but balance their concern with also seeing what is right. Unhappy people tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world out of fear they might be distracted from what is wrong. Happy people know our world has problems but they also keep an eye on what's right in the world.
3. YOU EMBRACE PESSIMISM:According to research, thinking pessimistically (your glass is half-empty because someone drank the other half without your permission) is a staple in the depressed person’s cognitive structure. The unhappy tend to recite Murphy’s Law to remind them that life is overwhelmingly negative.By contrast, happiness is very often linked with optimism—something unhappy people refuse to endorse, because positive thinking leaves them open to disappointment. Unhappy people are less inclined to find amusement in life’s challenges, as laughter providesa buoyancy to pain and heartache.The greatest discovery you will ever make is that you can change your life by simply changing your attitude. Optimism is an essential human trait, because it allows you to evolve your ideas and improve every situation you encounter.
4. YOU ARE CRITICAL OF MOST EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING (including yourself):Finding reasonsto critically judge others entrap people in that negative mindset, which is so essential in sustaining depression and unhappiness. Most importantly, unhappy people reserve the harshest judgment for themselves, as there is no more bitterpill to swallow than that of self–contempt.
5. YOU FILL YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH GOSSIP AND COMPLAINTS:Unhappy people like to live in the past. What has happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice. When they run out of negative things to say about their own lives, they turn to other people's lives and gossip.Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. They are excited about something they are working on, grateful for what they have and dream about the possibilities of life. We will all swim in negative waters occasionally, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people. Walk, fall down, get back up again, and repeat. It is in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.
6. YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS AND HARBOR JEALOUSY:One of the easiest and most common ways to feel bad about oneself is to compare yourself unfavorably to others. We may be tempted to compare ourselves with those who have more accomplishments, seem more attractive, make more money or have more friends.This leads to jealousy and resentment.When you compare yourself with others and as a resultfeel jealous, inferior or inadequate, you are having a negative social comparison moment.Research indicates that habitual negative social comparisons can cause a person to experience greater stress, anxiety, depression, and make self-defeating choices. Happy people know that another person’sgood fortune and circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve.
7. YOU ASSUME NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING:There is plenty of blame to go around, so you find others to dump it on. Why?Because if one assumes no responsibility, then there is no need to take ownership of anything, including one’s own misery. Accepting responsibility can lead to change, improvement and self-pride, which is truly the archenemy of a debilitating depression.
8. YOU HOLD ONTO YOUR GRUDGES:Unhappy people tend to nurture and feed their grudges with all their might. They are hopelessly trapped in the mode of victim, because someone, somewhere, violated them, stealing away their opportunity to achieve their goal. To release that grudge is tantamount to condoning the bad behavior of another. Hence, their hatred must be maintained as a protest to the outcome, no matter how self-sabotaging their grudges become.Just a reminder: forgiveness (letting go) is linkedwith outcomes such as peace, serenity, joy and happiness.
9. YOU STRIVE TO CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE:Sometimes people put too much interest in trying to control every tiny aspect of their lives.There is a difference between control and striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there is little control over what life throws their way.Unhappy people tend to micromanage in effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic display when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when life delivers a curve ball.The key is to be goal-oriented and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling apart when the best-laid plans go awry- because they will.
10. YOU CONSIDER YOUR FUTURE WITH WORRY AND FEAR:Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus what might go right. Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they would like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that headspace with constant worry and fear. Happy people experience fear and worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person’s mind, they will ask themselves if there is an action thatcan be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening, and they take it. If not, they realize they are spinning in fear and they lay it down.
RESOURCES:See Eaton, W.W. (1990).Occupations and the prevalence of major depressive disorder.Journal of Occupational Medicine, 32 (11), 1079-1087;
Hon. Alan F. Pendleton, Anoka County District Court, 2015 Judicial Training & Education Blog Page 1