Look at these next two paragraphs and think about which is more appealing.
1. Juanita went to the store. She bought kumquats and melons. She took her
purchases home. She placed them on the counter. Her toucan flew out of its
cage. It landed upon the melon. It started pecking at the kumquat. It made a loud
squawk at the funny taste. It then flew into the living room before Juanita could
scold it. She figured the taste was enough punishment.
2. After purchasing kumquats and melons at thestore, Juanita took them home
and placed them on the counter. Her toucan flew from its cage, landed on the
melon and proceeded to peck at the kumquat. Before she could scold it, it gave
a loud squawk and flew into the living room. The unusual taste, she figured,
was enough punishment.
If you are like most people, you had a difficult time reading #1. If you go back
and read it, you will see that it is entirely made of a subject - verb - complete
thought construction. Boring. The second makes use of many sentence combining
devices.
Read the suggestions below to help you understand sentence combining better,
and then rewrite two paragraphs from previous essays using some of the suggestions.
Be Cautious of "Be" Verbs
"Be" verbs are am, are, was, were, is, being, have been, being.Some people call them "taboo" words and try to get students to avoid them in everything
they write. But don't give up your "be" verbs--know when you want them and use them.
Take a look at your "be" verbs. If you use a lot of them, you may be wordy. You may be
loading your sentences with nouns (often in prepositional phrases), too. But then you
may need those "be" verbs to say what you need to say.
1. Do "be" verbs replace stronger verbs?
/ Melissa is the type who thinks she's right. [Melissa thinks he's right.]
/ His facial expression was an indication that he was wrong. [His face convinced us that he was wrong.]
/ It was an exaggeration. [Germaine exaggerated.]
/ It was a commitment that they had shown. [They showed a commitment.]
/ Noriko was in an aggressive frame of mind. [(maybe) Noriko aggressively attacked Akiko's opinions.]
2. Do "be" verbs delay your point?
/ It was true that she was a late-bloomer. [See was a late-bloomer.]
/ There was occasionally a hamster in the basement. [A hamster was occasionally in the basement.]
/ It was difficult for him to go. [He couldn't find the time to go.]
Most writers would agree that using active verbs rather than be verb strengthens
your writing.
Ways to Combine Sentences
Ways to combine sentences:1. -ING Phrases - Present Participle Phrases
The man counted his change. The man smiled at the clerk.
/ Carefully counting his change, the man smiled at the clerk.
/ The man, carefully counting his change, smiled at the clerk.
2. -ED Phrases - Past Participle Phrases
The woman decided to celebrate the results. The woman was pleased.
/ Pleased with the results, the woman decided to celebrate.
/ The woman, pleased with the results, decided to celebrate.
3. Prepositional Phrases
We go over the river. We go through the woods.
/ Over the river and through the woods we go.
4. Renaming Phrases - Appositives
My car is small. My car is a rusted. My car is a pile of junk.
/ My car, a rusted pile of junk, is small.
5. Who and That Clauses -- Relative Clauses with Essential Info
People live in glass houses. People should not throw stones.
/ People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Things are made from metal. Metal can rust.
/ Things that can rust are made from metal.
6. Who and Which Clauses -- Relative Clauses with Non-essential Info
Mother is looking forward to Thanksgiving. Mother can cook a tasty turkey meal.
/ Mother, who cooks a tasty turkey meal, is looking forward to Thanksgiving.
The new semester starts in January. We are looking forward to the new semester.
/ We are looking forward to next semester, which begins in January.
7. -Ing Substitution Clauses - Noun Clauses
If you talk out loud to yourself, people will wonder about you.
/ Talking out loud to nobody makes people wonder about you.
8. That Substitution Clauses - Noun Clauses
He passed the course with an A. I was not surprised that he passed the course.
/ His passing the course with an A did not surprise me.
SENTENCE FLUENCY—SENTENCE COMBINING
Combine each set of the following sentences into one sentence. Be sure to try to keep the meaning of the sentence true to implied meaning. Remember, you can use "ing" or "ed" phrases, pronouns, prepositions, who or what clauses, among others. Refer back to the sentence combining handout to help you. Notice how different subordinating conjunctions (such as "because" and "if") and coordinating conjunctions (such as "and" and "but") can alter the meaning of sentences.
1: My doctor warned me about trying to lose weight too fast.
My coach reminded me of the danger involved.
My mother told me the same thing.
2: Scientists use guinea pigs in their laboratory experiments.
They inject them with a disease.
They observe their behavior.
They dissect them.
They examine the effect of the disease on their organs.
3: Michelangelo studied anatomy.
He dissected cadavers.
Such gruesome work helped him understand human bones and muscles.
His sculpture celebrates the human body.
4: X-rays can penetrate the human body.
They produce images on photographic film.
Shadows on the picture reveal changes in body tissue.