Secure Attachment

Secure attachment

Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: "It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me."

Insecure attachment

Anxious–preoccupied attachment

People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I value them."

Dismissive–avoidant attachment

People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on

Fearful–avoidant attachment

People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others."

Self Esteem

The secure and dismissive attachment styles are associated with higher self-esteem compared to the anxious and fearful attachment styles.

The secure and anxious attachment styles are associated with higher sociability than the dismissive or fearful attachment styles.

Role of EFT Therapist

• Create a safe alliance with the client

• Collaborate with the person on their goals

• Show genuine curiosity

• Focus on process, not content

• Allow and help emotions to emerge

• Be a “temporary safe attachment figure”

• Provide an “antidote” to traumatic messages

• Pscyho-ed about attachment and its role in a person’s life.

3 Stages of EFT (adapted for individuals)

1. De-escalation of negative emotional cycles of interaction

Step 1: Create an alliance and delineate conflict issues in a person’s core attachment struggles

Joining, Relationship history, Individual attachment history, Assess for trauma (present and past - violence, abuse etc.

Step 2: Identify and track a person’s negative interactional cycle

Five elements: behavior tendencies, perceptions, secondary emotion, primary emotion, unmet attachment needs.

Step 3: Assess the unacknowledged emotions underlying positions

issues in a person’s core attachment struggles

Step 4: Reframe problems in terms of negative cycles, underlying emotions and attachment needs.

At the end of Stage 1 – A person can identify and (sometimes) un-attach from their negative cycle.

2. Changing Emotional Experience of Relationships (Restructuring Attachment Style)

Step 5: Encourage expression of disowned attachment emotions and needs. Go deeper (fear, sadness, shame)

Step 6: Promote acceptance of a person’s experience

• Provide an “antidote” to a person’s negative attachment experience

• Encourage the person be in touch with the part in them that is an “antidote” to the negative perceptions

• Allow a new emotional response to emerge

Step 7: Promote the expression of attachment needs

• Once you have accessed primary emotion, and integrated a new understanding of experience, the expression of needs follows

• Facilitate expression of needs and wants

3. Problem-Solving and Consolidation

Step 8: Facilitate the emergence of new solutions to old relationship problems. Revisit on-going problems and help develop new solutions

Step 9: Consolidate new positions and new cycles of attachment behaviors-- Create new story of self in relationship