1991.06.01
(RP) Tamizander’s story
By Matthew Sibole
You are hiding in the closet. You peer through the cracks of the wood and see the naked back of your blonde darling in the bed. You see just the top of her apple shaped bottom flowing seamlessly into the shape of her silky smooth back with delicate shoulders Her hair is falling down the front of her body over her breasts, so you can see the oval shape of her head sitting on a thin, almost frail neck. You can also see her ample breast protruding beyond what her ribs will conceal. It’s enough to make you burst into song for her, but you can’t. The reason her back is to you is because she is facing her husband, and he is a large man. If you’d known how large, you might not have seduced this lonely mistress. No, you probably would have anyway. She shifts up onto her knees and you can see the full heart-shape outline of her near perfect ass. You struggle to control your vocal chords.
“Where is he?!?! I know he’s here! There’s no other cause for you to be naked in the middle of the day except for that!” he bellowed. He must be at least 6‘6”. 300 pounds? By the gods, these women should carry pictures of their husbands instead of rings which tell you nothing of the danger you could be in.
“I was bathing and I fell asleep,” she stammered. Her squeaky voice brings you back to reality. This is why you only bed them. Ugh!
“Liar! Is he under the bed?”What an ass, you think. Hide under the bed? Not since you were fourteen and sleeping with your uncle’s favorite chambermaid.
“Is he out the window?” he yelled as he went to the window and looked around. With his head outside, you can’t refuse; you open the door to the closet. His ass is exposed and needs only a swift kick to send him outside. Your conquest sees you and lets the sheet drop. What breasts! What a stomach! Oh, you have to have her a fourth time! The distraction delays you too long and you pull the door closed as the man pulls his head back in through the window. You can’t believe how someone so dumb has made it this far in life. Make a move silently check DC 10. If unsuccessful, make a Hide check DC 10. 50 xp for either check.
“He’s in the closet!”
Oh shit, you think. It’s a good thing she wanted you to make love in your armor. Some kind of pirate /wenchgame she wanted to play. Well, you are going to need it now.
Angry Husband
INI:-1
AC:10
HP:0
Attk:Fist +2
Dmg:1d4+2 (S)
ST:F +2, R +1, W: +1
XP:100
If you defeat him, you climb out the window. If he defeats you, he throws you out.
You dust yourself off. “Well, he’s probably going to ruin business” you think to yourself. He will definitely stiff you on the rest of the weeks’ pay, but you already took it out of his personal funds. You smile, because you had a sense he was going to stiff you anyway. Just then you see her. She’s a vision. Hell, you think they areallvisions, but this one is the exact opposite of what you just had (3 times since breakfast). Dark hair. Dark eyes. Maybe. OK, so you can’t see her eyes from here. Large, motherly breasts. A slightly pronounced, shapely ass. Her body is not as young and nubile as your last few encounters. She is a woman. You LOVEwomen. You think of the things that you will do to her. That she will do to you! The older ones tend to be sooo aggressive!
If you decide to go talk to her, you run to the side of the building where there is a water barrel. You check your reflection. Why is it that you always look better after a fight? As you were checking, the gods have kissed you on the lips. Another maiden has joined her. A smaller version of herself. This one’s eyes you can see, as dark as a doe’s and just as innocent. Same long black hair. She is shorter and has a petite body and breasts, just visible under the modest dress. A mother / daughter! You haven’t had that combo since you were tossed from the border of Dragonwing by those two brothers / sons who didn’t appreciate that present on Christmas morning. At least they threw your favorite lute at you. It is, of course, the one with the spare compartment holding your emergency platinum pieces. Those pieces bought you some fine clothes and another set of armor here in Negril, a chief city in the barony of Balmorra in the Northwind kingdom.
Your heart beats faster as you approach. They are headed for the city gates, probably to the stable just outside the walls. Money too, oh heaven just loves its artists. You do a quick check of your inventory. Lute, sword, armor, crossbow… damn it! You left two bottles of perfectly drinkable wine in the inn. Oh well, those should pay for the fact you are two weeks past due on the innkeeper. One of these days that bad habit is going to catch up with you. “Catch up” you think! They are about to enter a carriage!
You run up. The older woman is already inside settling in and the younger is waiting to be helped in by one of two burly guards. There are two extra spaces in the passenger compartment. If you talk them into a ride to Rimule, then the guard takes your weapons and puts them up on the top of the carriage. Charisma check DC 10 will convince the guards you aren’t dangerous. (50xp) Raven is suspicious of you regardless of the outcome, but Tia is curious.
“I’m Tiara. This is Raven. We’re going back home. We just came for a couple of days to see the world. Raven insists that there is more to this world than Rimule. She’s right, of course, but this city was nice too. Do you do much traveling?”
RIMULE! The marketplace. You’ve been scratching together money, and losing it on games of chance and girls, for months now. You thought you’d never get there at this rate. If you can talk your way into that carriage, you could get the girls and the free ride you need!
You have to convince Raven. CHA check DC 15. If you fail, then you get another chance combined with Tia for a DC 10. 100 xp for the 15, 50 xp for the 10.
You’re in. Whew. What a stroke of luck. Now, to work to make the ride a pleasant, i.e. naked, one. You remember the rule of a mother daughter ménage a trois. Let them mention they are related, and then feign ignorance like they were sisters. Melts them like wax under a high flame. You reach into your pack, aw damn it. Just the goblets. You remember that “payment”. You do notice that in Raven’s carry along bag there is the neck of a bottle sticking out. Could be she had the same intention? You look at her face, its pretty… pretty disapproving. Tiara on the other hand, is looking at you with hopeful eyes.
Tia - “So tell me your story. I used to love, uh, talking with the bards that used to visit my father’s inn. We don’t get as many in Rimule.”
The ride goes without a hitch for several hours of uninterrupted, flirty conversation until suddenly the horses stop. They whinny and snort and stomp at the ground. You look outside and see a troll in the way. Good thing there are two guards with you, dressed their funny red capes with even funnier red helmets. They are armed to the teeth, however. This is why you prefer to travel during the day….
“Well, you’ve been telling us how brave you are for the last several exhausting hours. Why are you still sitting here?”
TROLL
600 xp ea. Treasure: 100gp, 2 red garnets (100gp), and a moss agate (10)
You find the pouch with goodies as you burn the corpse. You don’t have to share.
Guards
INI:+2
HP:48
AC:20
Attk:Longwords +9
Dmg:1d8 +3
After the fight do an survival check DC 15. If you succeed (100 xp), you take some lamp oil and toss it onto the carcass. You then wrap a piece of cloth around the tip of a bolt, light it from one of the lamps, and fire it into the troll. The beast screams as it burns. The girls are horrified. They thought the guards had defeated it. Although the guards did most of the work, Tia hails you as her “hero”. Her undergarments are practically at the floor, if the little minx is even wearing any! You all get back underway and arrive at Rimule shortly after daybreak. In spite of your heroics, Tia slept snuggled into Raven’s breast instead of yours, or instead of you being there for that matter. It was just you, all alone, on your side of the carriage, and now the only thing left stiff on you is your neck.
As you exit the stage, you see a thriving city. It is twice as big as the one you just escaped, uhm, left.
“Well, you’re here now, darlin’. See that you don’t get yourself killed. C’mon girl, our vacation is over and done. Back to work.” You briefly hoped that “work” was the oldest profession. Tia looked back over her shoulder shouting thank you and waving.
“Do you have a place to stay? There is an inn next to the bar where we work.”
“Honey, I’m sure he’s just passin’ through,” Raven begins.
That Tia is as cute as a button. The marrying type. You think to yourself that you’d better let someone else take that plunge first. But it would be so sweet to add that to your long and distinguished list of memories. You smile large and wave back at her as mother gives you a disapproving eye and pulls daughter along. Funny, she doesn’t look old enough to have had the girl. Must’ve started young. That means she’s had a lifetime of practice. You begin to sweat thinking about this, and while watching her ass wiggle like two puppies playing under the precious girl’s new skirt as she walks away. Then she turns. She shakes loose of Raven’s grip and runs toward you. She begins to skip and squeal. Oh fuck it; you’ll marry her if you have to if she makes those sounds in bed. Look how excited she is to be with you! You open your arms and she runs right past. Standing ten feet behind you is the last thing you wanted to see, her tall, armored boyfriend.
Tia springs into Valestis’s arms and gives him a kiss on the nose. He’s funny about public displays of intense affection. He’d only begun to kiss her as deeply as he had wished during their last night together before the baron finished her new room at the mansion. Now and then, she’d come in before morning and lie with him, sharing kisses until the sun began to break the horizon, then sneaking off and pretending to act sleepy when the chambermaid called her to breakfast. She was a terrific actress. If only Rimule had a more popular theatre troupe.
Still holding her like a large toddler, one strong arm bracing her under her tiny butt, she squirms around to face Zander and says “Val, I want you to meet my new friend!”
“Yeah Val,” says Dycannus from behind him with the emphasis on Tia’s pet name for him. “Let’s meet the unexpected traveling companion.”
Raven has made it back the distance across the courtyard. “Well since you two are here, the guards don’t change for another couple a hours and the ranger won’t be awake until noon, there’s no reason to hurry back to work, is there? That’s all my best clients.” She just may BE in the oldest profession. Your attention switches to Raven.
She walks over to Valestis, looks at Tia still in his arms, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “See, I brought her back safe and sound.”
Husband, you think? Her kiss was very non-sexual. No tongue (what’s the point?) Your attention shifts again. There could still be a chance with the young one. The other armored individual didn’t give you warm feelings however. Not to be outdone, Raven puts an arm around his strong shoulders and swings her legs up. Not missing a beat, Dycannus catches her and gives her a big kiss on her ample lips. “Oh honey, I’ve counted the hours since you’ve been gone!” he says in a lovelorn way, with her returning the dramatics by batting her eyelashes at him. Now you are dizzy. You don’t know who’s with who and you are feeling like the fifth wheel. “Civilized people shouldn’t act this way in front of someone they don’t know.” You think to yourself.
Introductions and role-play
If you mention you are a singer, Raven says that business has been slow since the “trouble”. They won’t elaborate. She offers to hear you sing tonight at the Swaggering Swine. She’ll pay you weekly to perform if the patrons don’t kill you tonight. If you get a job without pissing her off, 200 xp.
The innkeeper, Ham, demands that you pay up front. Shows you to your room. The doorway is thinner than the others, and there is no lock on it. Why, this is a storagecloset with a cot in it! So what. He’s just jealous. You’ll just have to find other beds to spend your time in. His stare lets you know he assumed that in the first place.
You make it over to the market for the first time. There are minstrels sitting in circles and playing together. There are huts and tents for every item you could want to buy. You count the people as you pass buy. One hundred. There is a tailor with fine shirts blowing in the breeze. Two hundred. A jeweler with dozens of baubles sitting under glass cases. He also has a red guard next to him. Three hundred. You have gotten pretty good at estimating crowd sizes so you could multiply it by the cover charge for your concerts to be sure you got your share, but this was more people than you’d ever seen. There had to be four or five thousand merchants and shoppers. Just five gold from each one in a ruse or scheme… you’d be rich!
You see women worth wooing and ones that should be mooing. Men are dressed in fine clothing, probably visiting from other lands. There are others that are more gruff and talking to the armor smiths. Wandering adventurers looking for fame. Men dressed in black cloaks. On a hot day like this? They must be part of some organization, or mad (maybe both, you chuckle). Another store of musical instruments. There is a man playing a stringed instrument on a stool in front. He plays well. You peruse his inventory. He is a portly gentleman, not much to look at but a booming voice that must rattle rafters in a performance hall. You’d love to have him sing one of your more forlorn ballads.
“I’m Aday. My friends call me Meatloaf on account of I can’t get enough of the stuff. Ole Raven is about sick of me. I spend all my profits at her place. That and tippin’ that little honey of hers. Speaking of which, you want to buy something?”
Your thoughts reach back to the dark haired beauty and the girl. What is this, a crush? Oh, but they were fine specimens of the gentler sex. Now that you work for the barmaid, perhaps her gold will fall short and she will have to pay you in favors. You shiver. The thought of that is worth you not doing anything to get you fired! You spend an hour talking up Meatloaf and soaking up the sun. He could be a valuable contact if you should make this a more permanent stay. After you bid him goodbye, you walk the rest of the massive labyrinth, getting a mental picture of the alleys and layout of the market burned into your head. Never know when you may have to lose an angry pursuer. You notice more guards like the one by the jeweler walking the market. Same stupid red helmets as the ones you rode to town with. There’s one in blue. Well at least he has some originality, if no taste. You get to the complete opposite side and see an outdoor tavern. You sit down to a midday meal and the waitresses get into a scuffle over who is working yourtable. You were hoping the thin one would win, but as in most fights, it’s brawn that wins the day. Oh well, at least you’ll be able to flirt your way out of paying the fucking horse. They are the easiest to dupe.
After you eat (Bluff check DC 10 to get out of paying… 50 xp), you walk back out into the sunlight. It blinds you for a moment, causing you to trip and break your fall with a hand on the shoulder of a hard, and dirty, individual. He yells out in pain, whirling around and smacking your hand away. His face was in need of a shave days ago and his brown hair is tangled and sticking in the stubble. His face has a very serious grimace. You are bigger than he is, but you sense he’s all business. For such a tough guy though, he certainly is making a big deal of this.