Role Play Facts and Information Conflict Coaching
This section contains all the basic facts for the two role plays used in this training, as well as the heart issues for Sandy in the first role play (Schmitt/Gabriel).
It does NOT contain the secret facts for the Walls Come Tumbling Down role play, which will be handed to you at the end of Day One, depending on which role you are playing.
The information is provided in the format of notes taken by a person who administers the peacemaking team in your church. Remember – the facts are very important to the parties!
As some people find the area of role play can be challenging, at the end of the facts is a sheet provided to help you ‘Get into character’ for your role plays.
Everyone will be both playing and coaching Sandy Schmitt on Day One, so should prepare to play this part.
DAY ONE: Sandy Schmitt and Pat Gabriel
BASIC FACTS
This is a new case for conflict coaching. Sandy Schmitt or Pat Gabriel (depending on your role) will be available to meet with you at the upcoming meeting for their initial conflict coaching. Here's the facts as explained to you by the person who took the information for this case:
Sandy and Pat are neighbours in Leura. A few years ago, Pat bought an existing log home in a newer subdivision in Leura. Pat's home is on top of a high cliff where the view off the back deck is spectacular. The home's back yard features gum trees, and the rocky cliff below the house is part of the national park. Pat bought the house because of its unique setting and its unusual log construction. The home sits lower than the street in front of the house. It was built this way so that the natural trees and boulders that sit on the block would not be disturbed.
Last Autumn, Sandy bought the block next door to Pat and built a new home. The Council sent the plans to Pat for neighbour comment. Pat didn’t like the planned house too much but didn’t lodge any objection with Council – at the time he also didn’t notice the levels that were proposed for the house Sandy wanted to build. Sandy's builder brought in 30 truckloads of fill dirt to raise the elevation of the block so that there would be proper drainage from the house to the street. Sandy's house is finished in a contemporary style, and it also offers a spectacular view. Sandy's builder was able to save some of the trees and large rocks in the rear of the backyard, but many of the original trees and rocks were removed to build the house.
Since Sandy's home is approximately 2 metres higher in elevation than Pat's home, Sandy's builder constructed a 1.4 m high concrete retaining wall on the boundary line between the two properties. Sandy planned to face the wall with western red cedar fencing material to blend in with the cedar fence Sandy is installing.
Pat is unhappy with Sandy and the new house. Pat's living room window is only 3 metres from the new retaining wall, and Pat lost the wide open view on that side of the house when Sandy's house was built. Pat wants Sandy to face the wall with rock, similar to some rock facing on Pat's front porch. Pat has pointed out to Sandy that their Local Development Plan restrictions require masonry facing on any retaining wall over 1.0m in height.
Sandy is objecting to the expense of facing the wall with masonry and has no desire to face the wall with rock.
The two neighbours have fought over the facing of this wall for several months. One day, Pat took a chain saw and cut down two new fence posts that Sandy installed between their two driveways. Pat justified the action by stating that the fence was too close to Pat's driveway and Pat's car would likely hit it when backing out. Sandy was furious and called me in frustration, saying that perhaps the best solution would be to simply call the police and start a legal action against Pat.
Sandy is an active member of our local church, and leads a home Bible study every week in Sandy's home. Sandy is aware of the concept of a Christian conciliation process, but has some doubts about the effectiveness of conflict coaching to assist in how to respond to the situation. Pat attends another local church on an occasional basis but is not a member there.
DAY ONE: Sandy Schmitt and Pat Gabriel
SANDY’S HEART ISSUES
Heart Issue: Pride
Life Impact Influencing Development of Heart Issue:
Being able to purchase a house in this neighborhood is a source of pride for Sandy. No one in his/her family has ever been able to afford a home as expensive or beautiful as this home. Sandy believes the house and land provide tangible proof of his/her personal and financial success. Sandy’s spouse contributes to this notion by verbalising the following “people look at us differently now that we have a house like this.” At the deepest level, Sandy’s identity is tied to his/her home. A “wonderful home” is akin to being a “wonderful person.”
External Evidence of Heart Issue:
Sandy “puffs up” a bit at the mention of the beauty of the home or the home site. However, Sandy is obviously anxious and appears agitated when the notion of spending more money is mentioned. Sandy’s deepest fear is that (s)he might fail financially and lose the house.
Heart Issue: Anger/Fear
Life Impact Influencing Development of Heart Issue:
Sandy has never seen what appears obvious to others. Sandy is angry. Deep down, Sandy feels that God has not provided as well as he should have. Sandy is financially stretched and frequently has trouble sleeping at night worrying about how to make ends meet. Sandy is keeping their financial reality from his/her spouse, but the strain is beginning to get to Sandy.
External Evidence of Heart Issue:
When Sandy hears people remark about how blessed (s)he is, (s)he becomes quiet and looks down. When Sandy thinks of the blessings that others have that (s)he doesn’t share, (s)he becomes irritable and redirects the conversation to “get back to the point.” Sandy struggles with responding to others needs, especially when the other person is “more blessed.”
Heart Issue: Unbelief
Life Impact Influencing Development of Heart Issue:
Sandy did not experience having parents who met his/her financial or emotional needs. Sandy grew up as “lower middle class” in an area where most people would be considered “upper middle class.” Sandy worked hard to provide for his/her own financial needs by working two summer jobs, and keeping a job during the school year. Sandy has been working since the age of 12. Sandy has a deep belief that (s)he can create safety and security through personal effort and hard work. If there is a financial need, one should just work harder. Sandy does not really know what it means to rely on God.
External Evidence of Heart Issue:
Sandy lacks a deep sense of internal peace and recognises that this is a spiritual problem. Sandy attempts to compensate for this internal lack of peace by making certain claims such as: “God is so good to us.” “God has blessed us so much.” “God has never let us down.”
Heart Issue: Shame
Life Impact Influencing Development of Heart Issue:
Growing up with a learning disability, not having as much financial resources as his/her schoolmates, and never really having close childhood friends, Sandy has a deep sense that (s)he is not really acceptable. The idea of being accepted by God, and being a part of God’s church, has profoundly impacted Sandy but often results in anxiety that this acceptance could be lost “if people really knew me.”
External Evidence of Heart Issue:
Because Sandy doesn’t really believe that God will protect, nor does (s)he have a strong sense of personal identity in being a child of God, Sandy often asks for validation and agreement from others. When expressing certain opinions as “the wall will look just fine with cedar,” Sandy has a habit of adding the following, “don’t you agree?” When other’s say “No,” Sandy tries to convince them to change their answer by persuading with additional “facts.”
Heart Issue: Judgment
Life Impact Influencing Development of Heart Issue:
Sandy’s father always said, “you better know who you are dealing with or you end up being a punce.” Sandy learned that the best way to not be a “punce” is to evaluate others. Sandy has become very good at identifying other’s weaknesses.
External Evidence of Heart Issue:
When angry, Sandy can deeply hurt others by sharing these “evaluations.”
You will watch a video clip of part of this case study, which will give you insights to both parties. The parties to be coached in this role-play include Megan’s father Pastor Bob, Megan’s mother Helen, daughter Megan (who is unmarried and pregnant), and Megan’s boyfriend Brett.
DAY TWO: “The Walls Come Tumbling Down”
Bob and Helen’s only child, Megan, is 17 years old. She is in her final year of high school and an outstanding student. She plays on the high school volleyball team, plays cello in orchestra (and may be able to get scholarships for music), and is active in the church youth group. She also has a part-time job selling jewelry at a discount store. Megan could not face telling her father about the pregnancy, and ran away one weekend to her aunt and uncle’s home in Canberra.
Bob has been a pastor for 17 years. He has served three parishes, having served his present church for 8 years. The church has doubled in size during his pastorate, but he is the only pastor and works 60+ hours each week. Church activities consume most of his time, and he rarely takes a full day off during the week. The family has not taken a vacation together for three years.
Bob and Helen have been married for 20 years (they married while Bob was in Bible College). They have stood by each other in good and bad times. Helen works part time in a department store. She also sings in the church choir.
Megan had been dating Brett Johnson for about 2 years. Brett is two years older than Megan and is at Uni. Bob was against Megan spending so much time with Brett, and warned her not to do so. However, Bob is usually at church meetings most evenings, and Megan’s mum Helen often works at night at the department store. So Megan and Brett spent more and more time together without her parents being home.
Just over two months ago, Megan learned that she was pregnant.
Brett is not a member of Bob’s church, but does occasionally attend another church that Bob believes is liberal. Bob describes his own church as faithfully conservative.
You will be the coach for one of the four parties: Bob, Helen, Megan, or Brett. The coach for Bob or Helen is a close friend who has just learned from Bob or Helen what happened in the phone call, which you will see in the video clip. The coach for Megan is either her aunt or uncle, who learned about the situation from Megan. The coach for Brett is a family friend in Brett’s church who learned about the situation from Brett’s parents.
At the end of Day One, you will be told which person you will be coaching and which person you will be playing.
Identify the person you are coaching for your own notes:
Pastor Bob (Helen’s husband and Megan’s father). You are a close friend.
Helen, (Bob’s wife and Megan’s mother). You are a close friend.
Megan (Bob and Helen’s daughter). You are her aunt or uncle in Canberra.
Brett (Megan’s boyfriend). You are a close friend of Brett’s family.
Identify which party you will be playing:
Pastor Bob (Helen’s husband and Megan’s father).
Helen, (Bob’s wife and Megan’s mother).
Megan (Bob and Helen’s daughter).
Brett (Megan’s boyfriend).
Your notes from the video:
How to prepare for role plays
Some people love role-play exercises, and some people hate role-play exercises. Through the years, however, PeaceWise and Peacemaker Ministries have consistently received feedback that the role-play exercises were considered some of the most valuable portions of participants’ training experiences. For this reason, we adapt actual case situations to create role-play exercises that produce a setting conductive to skill-honouring realism. We want you and your fellow participants to serve one another well, as iron sharpens iron.
To maximise the benefit for a role-play exercise, it is just as important to prepare for playing the role of a party as it is to prepare for playing the role of a conflict coach or mediator. The more you immerse yourself in the role, the more you will learn about what to do (and what not to do) from the party’s perspective.
One approach is to play the party as yourself, if you happened to be in the situation described in the exercise. Some find this easier, since drawing upon one’s own history, experiences, and memories allow greater spontaneity in responding during the exercise and requires less memorization of new facts and information. Others enjoy the challenge of creating a character out of whole cloth, or simply prefer to limit disclosure of personal history, experience and memories by playing the party based on a persona different from themselves. You may use whichever approach is more comfortable for you.
In either case, the following worksheet is offered as a planning guide for your preparation as a party.
You may use this sheet before the training to help you play the role of Sandy on Day One of the training.
You may also use this sheet to help you play the character you are assigned for Day Two of the training – once this character is assigned at the end of Day One.
Role-Play Preparation Worksheet
Role-Play Case:Schmitt/Gabriel
My Part:Sandy Schmitt
In addition to information provided in the case notes and in my secret facts, I will assume the following facts about:
My History:
My Experiences:
My Circumstances:
My Desires:
Role-Play Preparation Worksheet
Role-Play Case:The Walls Come Tumbling Down
My Part:(to be assigned on Day One)
In addition to information provided in the case notes and in my secret facts, I will assume the following facts about:
My History:
My Experiences:
My Circumstances:
My Desires: