Robert Cooper and Timothy Murphy

Porch Songs 1

Porch Songs

[Porch Songs 20170806.docx]

Playwright Contact Info:

Robert Cooper

768 Wellington Street East

Sault Ste. Marie, ON P6A 2N1

705-945-8165

Porch Songs by Robert Cooper and Timothy Murphy

Characters:

CYRUS, an older farmer whose farming days are almost over. (Bob)

JACK, a slightly younger farmer, still with hope. (Tim)

Setting:

Front porch of an older farmhouse, tworockers, or something country similar, perhaps a wheelbarrow with a bale of hay or garden tools.

Music:

All music may be found in Field of Stars. Vol 1 and 2, Betts, J. ed. Northern River Music, 2004 and 2008. Performed with permission of SOCAN. Some lyrics adapted.

Field of Stars. From The Growing Season. Music by James Saar, lyrics by Joey Miller.
Spectacular. From The Giant’s Garden. Music and lyrics by Scott White.
Frank Mahovlich. From Jasper Station. Music by Steve Thomas, lyrics by Norm Foster.
Jack’s House. From Fireweeds. Music and lyrics by Cathy Elliott
Prenatal Course. From The Moose that Roared. Music and lyrics by Jim Betts.
Cradled on the Waves. From Somewhere in the World. Music and lyrics by Neil Bartram.
The Dancing is Done. From Pélagie. Music by Allan Cole, lyrics by Vincent De Tourdonnet.
The World is Changing. From The House of Martin Guerre. Music and lyrics by Leslie Arden.
Northern River. From Colours in the Storm. Music and lyrics by Jim Betts.

Bedard story adapted from John Keast.

CYRUS:(enters TIRED, pushing a wheelbarrow, sets and fusses, looks up and is surprised to see the audience) Oh! Hey-ya. Didn’t see you there. Welcome. This is my settin’ time. Work’s done for the day, at least whatever I’m going to do. Time to sit back and relax. Usually my neighbour,Jack, comes over and the two of us just set and jaw about this and that.

Surprised he’s not here already. He’s pretty predictable. He’s younger than me and gets his work done sooner. I think he doesn’t do as much, but don’t tell him that. Our secret.

He’ll come over and say, “Hey. You done already? I just finished.”

And I’ll say, “Yep. Some of us just work faster.” And we’ll laugh.

He’s predictable, But that’s a good thing on a farm. You gotta be predictable. A cow with a full udder waitin’ on a milkin’ ain’t got no sense of humour, if you know what I mean. To think she’ll want to wait is udder nonsense.

Yep. You sure gotta be predictable in the farmin’ business, because nothing else is. Life’s like that.

You just set and relax. Something’ll happen. That’s predictable. Just don’t never know what it’s going to be.

JACK: (enters. To Cyrus) Hey, Cyrus. You done already? I just finished.

CYRUS: (to audience) See. I tell you. He’s predictable. (To Horus) Yep. Some of us just work faster. (They chuckle. It’s a running joke with them.)

JACK: Who you talking to?

CYRUS: These folks. Tourists. Just dropped by to see what us farm folk look like. Say hello to the tourists.

JACK: Hello. Well, for crying in the wilderness, if I’da known you had company I would have worn my good overalls.

CYRUS:I didn’t know they wascomin’ myself. If I had, Iwoulda combed my hair.

JACK:Which one? (They chuckle again.) So they want to know about life on the farm? Well, let me tell ya: life on the farm is kinda laid back. Ain’tmuch a country boy like me can’t hack. It’s early to rise and early in the sack…

CYRUS: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up there, John Denver. I’m a third generation Canadian farmer and I’m here to tell you farm life isn’t as simple as American pop music lyrics. Fiddles and pancakes and griddles my ass. “Life ain’tnothin’ but a funny, funny riddle.” It’s a riddle alright, but there’s nothing funny about it.

JACK:Hey, Cyrus, take it easy. I was just kidding around. What’s going on?

CYRUS: Oh, I’m sorry. Here…set a spell. Take a load off. I’m just sitting here feeling philosophical.

JACK: Oh Christ. Here we go again. What’s got you started this time?

CYRUS: Just got a phone call from my son. Seems he’s found himself a nice girl in the city. And what with his a good payin’ job and all, he’s decided he’s not coming back to work the farm with me like we planned.

JACK: Georgie’s not coming back? How can he do that to you? Oh, Cyrus, I’m sorry to hear that.

CYRUS:That’s not the worst of it, I’m afraid. This farm is mortgaged up to my cows’ teats, and if things don’t turn around I’m afraid the bank may take over the place.

JACK:Cyrus, I had no idea. That’s terrible.

CYRUS: I know. Can you imagine bankers in their suits and ties trying to run this place?

JACK: I’m sorry to hear that. I thought you were doing all right. What happened?

CYRUS: Well, I had to borrow to send the two kids off to school, pay for my daughter Karen’s wedding, help them both get settled in the city. But I thought eventually they’d be coming back to help out with the farm. And what with a couple of poor crops, the hole just kept getting deeper and deeper.

JACK: That’s the trouble with having kids. You never know how they’re going to turn out. You think they’re going to do one thing and they turn around and do the opposite.

CYRUS: Yep. They’re not predictable. Not like planting crops. You plant corn, you get corn…if you can beat the raccoons to it. With kids? You never know.

JACK: Well, at least you can say you did your best. That’s all we ever wanted.

CYRUS: It’s just, …it’s just that this farm has been my life. This is my land. I love my farm. I know how I feel when I look out over the pasture at the end of the day and all I can see is a field of stars.

1: [Song: Field of Stars]

In all the years I’ve been a farmer I’ve never felt lonely when alone. Out in the field I feel I’m living. This earth is mine. It’s what I own.

And this field of stars can see tomorrow.

And if it knows, it just won’t tell.

This field of stars can see my future.

And where that goes, it still won’t tell.
I guess it’s just as well.

My father’s father cleared these acres

And his first house it stood right here.

I have that same great need inside me,

To have the land and sky both near.

And this field of stars shines on tomorrow.

The shadows move and they can’t sit still.

This field of stars can see my future.

But it won’t say what’s beyond that hill.

I guess it never will.

There’s danger in the deep and there’s trouble in the dark,

And maybe I have let it all go wrong.

This hill’s become too steep, and the night’s become too stark.

And where’s my father’s hand so strong?

This field of stars shines on my heaven,

It can’t outshine the stars I see.

This field of stars shines on my future.

This earth is mine, and it will always be.

This earth is me.

JACK: So what are you going to do?

CYRUS: I don’t know yet. Georgie only just called me this morning. So I’m just sitting here thinking of the old times. Makes me feel better. What about you? What’s your favourite memory?

JACK: (Thinks) Planting.

CYRUS: Planting?

JACK: Ya, planting my first garden. There’s something about getting your hands dirty, planting a garden, tending to the seedlings, watching them grow. It makes me feel…connected. I remember when I was a kid and my family moved to Timmins from PEI. I had no friends and I was lonely as hell and I was angry at the world. My parents encouraged me to take over the back garden to give me something to do, something to take my mind off my loneliness, to give me a purpose, to have something to call my own. I think that’s what eventually led me to farming. I remember how I felt after planting my first garden.

2.[Song: Spectacular]

Spectacular. I made the garden look spectacular. I can’t believe it only took a week or two. I made the garden look brand new. It was spectacular.

Glorious. Although the work had been laborious. I think it’s safe to say my garden renovation was a cause for celebration. It was glorious.

When I first arrived, there were so many weeds and the plot had no sense of design. The fence was decrepit and Needed some polish and shine.

I felt pure joy when the dirt and the grime Were cleaned up and things started to grow. Summer’s mess was up-ended. I planted and mended. The garden was mine. I would not let it go…

I was in control.

While the seeds germinated I added a gate at the fence…it looked great! And I held the key.

Finally I felt whole.

My anger was waning, No need for complaining. I got what I wanted.

It was spectacular. (Nothing says perfection like a crisp green bean!)

CYRUS: I remember that feeling. The first year I worked on this farm with my grandfather. That was a long time ago. Or was it just yesterday?

JACK: So much has happened since then. When did we get old?

CYRUS:I don’t know. It just sort of snuck up on us, didn’t it? I always thought getting older would take longer. They say that inside every old man is a young man wondering what happened. Now I know what they meant. (Beat) Life’s like a toilet paper roll.

JACK:(Stares blankly)

CYRUS:The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

JACK:(Beat)That’s deep. But we have good memories, though.

CYRUS: Barn dances.

JACK:Socials.

CYRUS:Dominion Day fireworks down by the river on July 1st.

JACK:Drinking beer and watching the Stanley Cup on that old black and white TV you had.

CYRUS:Remember the year we ran out of tin foil and I had to stand in the corner with the rabbit ears? (Demonstrates)

JACK:And every time someone came close to scoring you got so excited we lost reception.

CYRUS:Ya. (Beat) Remember “Hockey Night in Canada?” (Start tohum the theme together. Cyrus starts singing the theme from “Bonanza.” )

JACK: That’s Bonanza. (Cyrus thinks, switches to “Hockey Night in Canada” theme.) Now you got it.

CYRUS:Those were the good old days, black and white television.

JACK: And beer. (Both sing Molson ad: “Molson Canadian, Lager Beer” jingle)

CYRUS:Remember BlackLabel? (“Double Ell …jingle)

JACK:Or my personal favourite, (Whistles and sings “Black Label” jingle, and then the Hey Mabel, get off the table version)

CYRUS:(Sings) “Hey Mabel, get off the table, the five bucks is for the beer.”

JACK:Those were the good old days.

CYRUS:And there were only six teams. You knew who was who.

JACK: And you were a Montreal fan, weren’t you?

CYRUS:Still am. Love those Habs. Won the Cup in ’58. 24 cups in all - Second most winning professional team in North America.

JACK: Toronto, me. Those were the years of the best players.

CYRUS:Losers. You know it’s September when the Leafs start falling.

JACK:Ya, but we still had better players.

CYRUS:None of them could beatJean Beliveau.

JACK: Tim Horton - the doughnut king.

CYRUS:Bernie “Boom Boom” Geoffrion.

JACK: Bert Olmstead .

CYRUS:Doug Harvey.

JACK: Johnny Bower.

CYRUS:Gump Worsley. The Gumper.

JACK:Remember Terry Sawchuk. He played for Toronto…as well as just about every other team in the league - 21 seasons. Chalked up 441 wins before he got into that fight with his team-mate (Hesitates)

CYRUS:Don …

JACK:Ron Stewart, and ended up dead!

CYRUS:Ya, but Jacques Plante was the best. Invented the mask. And remember the Richard dynasty, Rocket, Pocket …

JACK:…and Socket Pocket. But they had nothing on the best of the best - Frank Mahovlich. Big M. Number 27.

3.[Song: Frank Mahovlich]

It’s Saturday night in Timmins, and the Leafs are on T.V. My father’s got the volume up and he’s got me on his knee. He points toward the player wearing number twenty-seven, Says, “Son, a stride like that could come from nowhere else but heaven.” The stride is long and fluid. It’s poetry in motion. His name is Frank Mahovlich and he’s from these parts they say. And it’s all because of him that I’m a skating fool today.

That son of a bitch Mahovlich made me want to play the game. He shot the puck so hard I wished that I could do the same. There wasn’t a coach alive who didn’t mispronounce his name. That son of a bitch, Mahovlich, made me wanna play the game.

His critics say the Vig ‘M’ was often kind of lazy. He didn’t like to practice much, And he back checked like a lady. He never killed a penalty And he rarely had a fight, But he tore the Gumper’s glove right off With a shot from center ice.

His name is on the Stanley Cup. They even spelled it right. And he was there in seventy-two For the mighty summit fight. And when his playing days were through He’d earned the right to say, “I skated all the way from Timmins To the hockey Hall of Fame.”

Made me wanna play the game. But there wasn’t a coach alive who didn’t mispronounce his name. That son of a bitch, Mahovlich, made me wanna play the game.

CYRUS:Those were the days. (Beat) Hey. Speaking of Timmins. Remember the Bedards? Moved here from Timmins, too. Lived just north of here up to the Goulais Bay Road?

JACK: Ya. What about ‘em?

CYRUS: (This story should be delivered in the actor’s own style and wording. Extemporize. Retell this story in your own word.) Well. Here’s a story you never heard. Poor as church mice they were. They worked hard to eke out their living on the Old Goulais Bay Road.

The crisis came unexpectedly one day, right in the middle of planting season, when their horse, old by any standard, came up lameand couldn’t pull the plow. With their seed bought, and their crops not planted, and with no money for another horse, they had to improvise. That’s what you do when you have to eke out your living on the Old Goulais Bay Road. So they agreed, Madame Bedard and her husband, to take turns pulling the plow themselves.

Now Madame Bedard was small, just a little bit of a thing, but tough as nails as one would have to be, to eke out a living on the Old Goulais Bay Road.

Monsieur Bedard pulled first. It was hard slogging through the soil, still sodden from the late spring thaw and anddriving rains that caused the Goulais to flood every year. And their large rubber boots stuck in the mud and made rude sucking sounds with every step. When it came time to take turns, Madame Bedard, just a little bit of a thing, bravely strapped herself into the harness. Monsieur Bedard noticed that she was limping a bit, but said nothing. He knew his wife was proud of her ability to pull her weight, even though she was just a little bit of a thing.

Not long into her shift, however, Madame Bedard began to whimper ever so lightly with each step she took.

”Whoa,” said Monsieur Bedard. 'Arrettoi," he corrected himself,
remembering that it was Madame Bedard he was talking to.

"Madame Bedard," he said. He called her Madame Bedard because she was his wife. “Madame Bedard. For why are you whimpering like dat, each time you step?"

"Oh, it's not nothing to worry yourself about, my husband," she replied. "l'm just not use to pulling the plow. I get use to it soon."

“All right, Madame Bedard," he said, knowing that his wife, even though she was just a little bit of a thing, was used to eking out her living on the Old Goulais Bay Road. We try again."

And so they did. But after several painful minutes the whimpering began again. Monsieur Bedard stopped her again.

"Madame Bedard," he said. "You are whimpering still. What is the problem?"

"Oh Monsieur Bedard," she said. "ls no problem. lt's just a pain in my privates. Give me a minute to rest, and I be okay again."

"All right, Madame. But you are in pain. I think we should rest longer."

"Non, Husband. I know I'm just a little bit of a thing. But I can pull a plow too."

“All right, Madame Bedard. Whenever you are ready, we go again."