The Check-In
The ‘check in’ or ‘numerical empathy’ designed by Cooper & Sawaf (Foundation for Education in Emotional Literacy) is a simple, practical way to build better rapport, increase clarity and empathy, save time, and help reduce faulty presumptions, judgements, and mind-reading during group meetings or one to one relationships. It requires only about ten seconds per person at the start of a discussion or meeting.
Instructions:
Ask; ‘on a scale of one to ten, give an honest personal rating of your energy, openness, and focus. If ten is the highest energy level you’ve ever felt at work, and one means you’re on the verge of collapsing in a heap from exhaustion, what is your energy level right now? Next, what is your level of open-mindedness and open-heartedness today, right now? Finally, how would you rate your level of focus – your ability to place your full attention on the tasks at hand for this group session?’
Right now: Level: 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest)
Energy ______
Openness ______
Focus ______
These ratings or deepened perceptions are vocalised by each person, and are very useful for both group and individual EQ. It is a good idea to write them down so they can be referred to during the time you are together. The awareness and empathy of each participant in a meeting or any interaction can be enhanced and thus a person becomes real, distinctive, and present, rather than just a face in a room. ‘Check ins’ help prevent many common misunderstandings. For example how would you react if someone in a meeting is doodling or looking out of the window? Would you assume or make the judgement that the person is disinterested, being manipulative or just being plane rude or would you give them the benefit of the doubt and presume that perhaps they had a pressing family problem, or were very highly stressed out and preoccupied? Do you weigh up such possibilities before making a judgement? Most of us do not. Instead, we automatically assume that what we’re seeing in others, is disinterest, or a deliberate devaluing of our ideas or comments. Research (Oshrey 1995) has shown that only in rare cases is such a negative assumption about another person’s motives true.
If someone is uptight and defensive, remember their ratings and try some extra patience rather than getting defensive yourself. If someone appears to be withdrawn and distracted, gently try to draw that person into dialogue and observe the results. Moment by moment, does the interaction seem to become more humanised? You may notice yourself treating each individual as an individual, rather than primarily just a face, or name.
You begin to see more clearly the group as a collection of unique assets, talents and vulnerabilities, not just bodies sitting around a table checking items off a list. Remember to ask open, honest questions to clarify your hunches about other people’s intentions, thoughts and feelings. For example, when you suspect that someone is ignoring, rejecting or misleading you, or is feeling overloaded, lost, or distracted, try gently and firmly asking them if what you’re sensing is true – sometimes it is not.