Name: ______

Class Color: ______

Date: ______

Revising your LBQ Essay

Organization

  • Highlight your position/thesis statement (your claim).
  • Highlight your “baby thesis” (topic sentence) for each body paragraph.
  • Make sure each baby thesis supports the thesis/claim statement.
  • Do all detail sentences support the topic sentences?

Vary your sentence beginnings

On a separate sheet of paper, write down the first four words of each sentence in your essay. Change sentences that begin with the same word in a paragraph. use ideas in Style Builders to help you vary how you begin sentences. (Example: start with a prepositional phrase, infinitive phrase, or a participial phrase.)

Verbs

  • Use Active Verbs—highlight all forms of “be” (is, are, was, were, am, be, been, being)
  • Try to write in the active voice. You can avoid many “be” verbs this way. Instead of saying “The schedule was passed by the school board.” say “The school board passed the schedule.” Have your subject doing the action of the verb.
  • Replace any overused verbs. Replace “get” “got” “getting” “gotten” “have” “said”

Pronouns

  • Eliminate all first person pronouns (I, we, us, my…). Write in third person (he, she, they, them…)
  • Do not use “you.” Replace all forms of you and your.
  • All pronouns have antecedents. An antecedent is the noun that the pronoun refers to or replaces. Pronouns must agree with their antecedents.
  • Check to see if the pronoun agrees with its antecedent in person, number, and gender. Place a check mark above all pronouns to show you have checked the agreement.

Highlight your transition words

If you do not find enough transition words, add some. See your handout from class for persuasive writing signal words. It should be in your keepers section.

Read your paper aloud to yourself. How does it sound? Do your words say what you mean? Students catch many errors by performing this easy task.

LBQ Checklist

Checklist / Is it there?
Introduction
Utillizes a hook/grabber
Incorporates background knowledge.
Has acceptable thesis with road map.
Body Paragraphs
Analyzes and organizes documents in at least 3 groups
Uses all documents
Analyzes point of view or bias
Document Reference citations (DOC A)
1st Body Paragraph
Relates claim statement to the thesis
Provides evidence taken directly from documents
Makes an inference and/or argument that explains the evidence taken from the document.
2nd Body Paragraph
Relates claim statement to the thesis
Provides evidence taken directly from documents
Makes an inference and/or argument that explains the evidence taken from the document.
3rd Body Paragraph
Relates claim statement to the thesis
Provides evidence taken directly from documents
Makes an inference and/or argument that explains the evidence taken from the document.
Conclusion
Restates thesis
Clinches argument
Conventions
Grammar, spelling & neatness