Relationship Style Questionnaire

A key factor in understanding and developing influential relationships is having an appreciation of your relationship style. Most of you have a preferred way or working with others. This is based on your habitual behaviour and comes about because you have found that certain approaches, behaviours and skills seem to work for you when interacting with others.

How would you describe your relationship style?

Do you tend more towards being outgoing or more reserved?

Are you more people or task focused?

Do you worry about what people think or feel about you?

How would you describe others relationship style?

What makes you describe them this way?

Try the relationship style questionnaire below to identify your own preferred relationship style.

Look at the statements and words and rank each ROW1 to 4 with 1 being the least like you and 4 being the most like you.

When answering the questions it is best if you think mainly about work-based relationships.

I like to be of support to others / I am business like with others / I am enthusiastic with others / I express my opinions to others
I like to be of support to others / I like to be business like with others / I am enthusiastic in my relations with others / I openly express my opinions to others
I want to be friendly with others / I need time to get to know others / I like lively discussions / I like to be in control in relationships
I tend to listen when with others / I tend to be more formal in relationships / I make relationships easily / I tend to focus on action in relationships
I work towards co-operative relationships with others / I am reserved in initiating relationships with others / I have been described as high spirited by others / I am dominant in relationships with others
My default positions is to trust others / I am dependable in relationships / I get excited about the possibilities in relationships / I openly stand up for my own views
Harmony / Practical / Energetic / Powerful
Collaborative / Realistic / Lively / Opinionated
Open / Sensible / Active / Assertive
Cooperative / Reasonable / Animated / Persuasive
Supportive / Rational / Bubbly / Convincing
Obliging / Equitable / Spirited / Compelling
Accommodating / Level-headed / Passionate / Dominant
Helpful / Logical / Cheerful / Competitive
Caring / Consistent / Dynamic / Demanding
Kind / Dependable / Vibrant / Challenging
Total Column 1 / Total Column 2 / Total Column 3 / Total Column 4

My preferred style (Highest Score) Column

Backup style (Second highest score) Column

My least preferred style (Lowest)Column

No one style is best or worst, each style is simply different and each has its own positive and negative aspects. Your preferred style will have an effect upon the way you relate to others, how you are perceived by others and how others relate to you.

Are you more outgoing or more reserved?

Are you more person focussed or more job focussed?

Harmonisers Column 1

Tend to be more reserved and person focussed. If you have a preference for this style you probably like to be supportive of others and develop open, friendly and trusting relationships with those people in your work based relationship network. You see your role in relationship development at work as one that is tolerant of others and you are willing to work to collaborate for the sake of harmony. Sometimes you feel that other people take advantage of your good nature and expect too much from you. Others, usually those who have a different preference, may regard you as a people-pleaser who is constantly compromising for the sake of harmony.

Realist Column 2

Tend to be more reserved and job focussed. If you have a preference for this style, you want your relationships at work to be professional and business-like and in service of the job at hand or your role in the organisation. You will tend to communicate in a matter of fact, organised and efficient way. You value information and facts and probably do not want people to get too personal or close to you. Some people may regard you as distant and formal, perhaps even difficult to get to know. Certainly you will not readily share personal information unless it is appropriate to the situation and person you are communicating with.

Sociable Column 3

Tend to be more outgoing and person focussed. If you have a preference for this style, you energetically seek out opportunities to develop relationships at work. You are likely to have a wide range of different people in your network and you enjoy being with others and developing ideas and plans with them. You are extrovert, cheerful, and friendly in nature. Sometimes you may be puzzled by other people’s reaction to your natural vitality when they may regard you as rather intense and overly familiar. Others may also regard you as unpredictable and reckless.

Assertive Column 4

Tend to be more outgoing and job focussed. If you have a preference for this style, you are comfortable developing relationships at work, especially when they are helping you to achieve your goals. In relationships, you are comfortable presenting your point of view – even if it is unpopular and you tend to be regarded as someone who likes to be in control and speaks their mind. You prefer action oriented relationships and can appear to be rather insensitive and dismissive of others feelings to some types.

Once you have identified your preferred style you might also like to reflect on your ability to flex your style with different people. Successful leaders and managers recognise the importance of adapting and flexing their style to suite the people and situation.

Mike Brent and Fiona Dent 2010: The leaders guide to influence. How to use soft skills to get hard results.