Love, Desire
and Teen Spirit
Reflections on the Dynamic Force of Adolescent Eros
Joolz McLay
INSIDER ART
Series Introduction
This volume is the first print publication from Insider Art.
It is the nature of both art and psychotherapy to be ‘liminal’: to be ‘boundary dwelling’. Both imply journeys between inner and outer, rigour and spontaneity, past, present and future, relationship and identity. Art Therapy, as a combination of these liminalities, inevitably amplifies them. So explorations of the field and the habitats that surround it do not always fit neatly into categories. The series is a search for what connects, as well as for what differentiates.
If the field really was a field, then its ideal cultivation might be more like perma-culture, smallholding or gardening than agri-business. The field thrives not as a mono-culture, but as an ecosystem. Individual ‘peasant’ style cultivation has been known for many years to produce higher yields per hectare than prairie style farming.1 Similarly, we believe nutritious written work does not always grow best within standard publication classification.
The series emphasis will be on this intellectual and practical ‘bio diversity’: explorations of the places between theory and practice, creativity and reflection, personal and collective, word and image. We are proud that this volume embodies these qualities.
The intention is to be more like a packet of wild flower seeds than a single variety. Our, and the writer’s, hope is that at least some of these seeds contribute to the diversity of the meadow.
Given the extremely high incidence of dyslexia amongst those attracted to the art therapy meadow and its environs, we will endeavour to keep the series as friendly as possible to this readership with appropriate typefaces and layout.
Malcolm Learmonth & Karen Huckvale.
Series Editors.
First published in Great Britain 2008
Copyright © 2008 Insider Art (Publishing)
Text copyright © 2008 by Joolz McLay
Joolz McLay has asserted the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
Edited by Karen Huckvale & Malcolm Learmonth
No part of this publication may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the Publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
Insider Art (Publishing) Ltd.
PO Box 272. Exeter. EX2 9ZL
www.insiderart.org.uk
ISBN 978-0-9553400-2-4
Set in Tahoma 12pt
Printed on paper sourced from sustainable forests by
Orchard Print Services, 9 High Street,
Daventry. NorthamptonshireNN11 4BG
www.orchardprintservices.co.uk
I would like to dedicate this book to the winged fliers, those who shake you out of your everyday self. It is for the ones who force you to open your heart more than you were willing to do so, the ones who leave an indelible imprint on your soul.
Given their nature, it is unlikely they will sit down and read such a book, therefore I also dedicate this to all Art Therapists especially to those who work with young people.
Joolz McLay
Contents
Preface 1
The Picture 7
Background, anxiety and first impressions 19
Eros myths, beauty and enchantment 33
Three stories about a gaze 49
Intimacy and the adolescent 65
About the boy’s art work 75
Creative Reflective Practice 79
Plates 89
Summary 97
Afterthoughts 103
Appendix 1 115
Appendix 2 117
Notes 121 Bibliography and References 123
About the Author 129
Suggestions for further reading 135 Thanks, Permissions & acknowledgements 137
Excerpt from chapter:
Three stories about a gaze
The mutual gaze between mother and baby is considered to be the origin of the gaze associated with adult lovers.1 Naturally, the gaze is also a feature of developing attachments later in life and part of the language of falling in love and sexual attraction.
Eye contact and the changing qualities of the gaze were significant features of therapy with the boy and often indicated changes in the relationship and the client’s development. Although eye contact is a subtle form of communication, and might have been missed by a person observing through a screen for example, it was often through this silent communication that some of the most significant moments in the therapeutic relationship were therapy were navigated.
I hope that by concentrating on this one detail I can convey something of the evolution of the process of therapy. This includes the adolescent development of the client and the way this was brought into the room. I will give three examples, in chronological order focussing on the changing quality of the gaze.
1. The gaze of the child
The boy had just turned thirteen. He was anxious about the unknown of therapy and tended to look down, when he spoke. The few times he made eye contact it was brief but piercing and I had the impression of sparks. I first experienced the full impact of the gaze of the boy during an early session when his descriptions of wanting a dog for Christmas were so full of longing that it seemed as if the desire was more alive than the thing that was desired. I was struggling to make sense of the discrepancy and trying to understand what was really being expressed. I asked what purpose the dog would serve, what would it do? He replied that it would always be there for him, a loyal friend, always happy to see him. He said he wanted it to love him unconditionally and wanted to give his love to it. The gaze that followed was deep and long. It conveyed innocence, longing and vulnerability, it was a plea for love and it made the heart melt. I imagined this was the look that mothers were unable to refuse, the gaze that had its roots in mother and baby eye contact.
The boy continued talking and fantasising about what it might be like to have a dog and how he would train it and care for it. He began to think about what to call it and seemed to be struggling with his thoughts. The tension heightened and after a long silence he said he thought he might call it Joolz (my name). He looked anxiety-stricken and embarrassed and then caught my eye for a split second. We both exploded in laughter - The images of training, feeding and playing with the puppy were still fresh. Although the laughter was a spontaneous response, with hindsight I can see that it also functioned as a release for tension. It created a sense of connection and we were able to acknowledge his feelings and desires for love and friendship. In the conversation that followed I was able to normalize the feelings in the context of therapy and to acknowledge that in therapy a person could feel cared for, listened to, taken seriously and loved. It was helpful to be able to place these feelings in context and to have an open discussion. In this instance, it was also helpful to laugh as it allowed us to approach what had been a tense and anxiety-filled subject with a lightness and sense of normality.
The paradox that both therapist and client have to deal with is between the authenticity of the emotional transaction, and the reality that one of us is paid to be in the room. The integrity of the relationship hangs in the balance for both parties.
2. The gaze of adolescent Eros
Atkinson and Gabbard2 wrote about the gaze of the male adolescent and thought that sexuality with a partner was preceded by a period of intense looking that culminated in the emergence of the adolescents’ identity as a sexual male. In the previous story the gaze was innocent but there was undoubtedly a new sexuality in the next. The client’s behaviour in this session was a convincing display of adolescent Eros and left a strong impression of a primal force of great potency and power.