Hope Biblical Counseling Center
For the Love of the Family Ministries
What is Gossip?
By Dr. Terry L. Coomer
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A while back we taught an introductory course at our church on Biblical Counseling. I thought I would pass on some of the Biblical thoughts on gossip. One of the things that has injured the church of Jesus Christ today and many families is the issue of gossip. Most people who are involved in gossip do not understand they are gossiping.In the Biblical Counseling class I provided a definition of gossip for our students. Obviously, if you are going to counsel people you cannot be a person who gossips.A person who gossips is at heart a rebellious person. Behind a rebellious person is always a pride issue. Proverbs 14:3,In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride:but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.
Proverbs 16:18,Pridegoeth before destruction, and anhaughty spirit before a fall.
In every church you find someone or several someone(s) who do injury to others by gossip.
Gossip is TALEBEARING (Lev. 19:16; Prov. 11:13; 18:8; 20:19; 26:20-22) and BACKBITING, which is talking to others about the intimate details of people’s lives for injurious purposes. Psalm 15:3, He thatbackbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. Galatians 5:15, But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
Gossip is SLANDER (Num. 14:36, 37; 2 Sam. 19:27; Prov. 10:18; Jer. 9:4-6; Rom. 3:8), which is stating things about people that are false with the intent to harm them. For something to be slanderous, it must involve deceit and falsehood and an injurious motive. As an example to tell someone that a certain person is divorced is not gossip if indeed that information is true, but to say that a certain person is divorced when it is not true is gossip. To spread rumors about someone in an attempt to hurt that person is wicked gossip. We must be extremely careful about passing along things that we hear. If there is any question whatsoever about the truthfulness of something, it is essential to verify it from someone who is in a position to know the matter, Proverbs 18:13, He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
Gossip is being a BUSYBODY, which is meddling into the affairs of others when I have no legitimate reason to be involved.II Thessalonians 3:11-12, For we hear that there are some
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whichwalk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are
such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread.
I Timothy 5:13,And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
I Peter 4:15, But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.Notice at what level God puts being a busybody!
God says that a busybody is a disorderly person. What does the Bible tell us to do with a person who is a busybody?II Thessalonians 3:6, 14, Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us. And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.
Every Christian is responsible for what he hears and says. Proverbs 21:23,Whosokeepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.1Peter 3:10,For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
Proverbs 23:12,Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.
I told our students we cannot have lone rangers as counselors! A gossiper is generally a lone ranger. They do what they want, say what they want and no one can tell them any differently. In essence, if you are a rebel to authority and believe it is okay to do whatever you wish no matter what the position of the Church or the Pastor is in this matter, we cannot allow you to be involved in counseling. Obviously, if a person handles themselves in this way, as a stubborn rebellious person, they can get themselves and our church in serious trouble in a counseling ministry. The wrong spirit and rebellion automatically does not make you a candidate to counsel others. In essence, your spiritual maturity is not developed enough to be a help to other people, because of the pride and rebellion to authority in your life. Hebrews 13:17, Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
I Samuel 15:23, Forrebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
Proverbs 17:11, Anevil man seeketh only rebellion: therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him.
Nine times in the Bible God speaks using the word rebellion. Each time He takes a very dim view of anyone who is rebellious.
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Most people who gossip actually believe they are helping other people. Really a person who gossips wants to manipulate or control the person they are gossiping to. They also feel a great desire to be the go to person, but their motives are not correct. They get their self-esteem from
controlling and manipulating others, while being excessively preoccupiedwith the needs of others. They do things for others so the person will feel indebted to them, so they can get
intimate details from them and set themselves up to be the person who gossips. Generally, they are a person who gets their feelings hurt easily and especially if the person they are gossiping to, trying to manipulate, or trying to get intimate details from do not want to participate any
longer. Of course, then they have details they spread about in an injurious way. They are always negative people who have an exalted opinion of their own opinion and importance. They are always rebellious to anyone who has the authority over them. They are above everyone else and do not have to obey. These are the folks who always have an opinion to share (gossip) of those who are in authority, husband, boss, etc. Therefore, they have to have the intimate details and share them!
Proverbs 26:17,He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.
People who gossip always want others to feel sorry for them. So, their life issues are always more difficult than other people's. If they are sick or they have something going on in their life,they want others to know and have extreme sympathy for them. It draws people into the gossip circle. Kind of an emotional mud pit that people have a hard time getting out of.
Folks there is a fine line between being Biblically concerned about others and seeking to be an encouragement to them, or being a person who has compulsive needs yourself and ulterior motives. Certainly, the Bible tells us to be an encouragement to others. The Bible clearly shows us both sides and what is correct and what is not correct!
Ephesians 4:29-32, Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, (gossip), but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. (You grieve the Holy Spirit by gossip). Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking,be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, ( not being kind by gossiping) tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
If you have read this article and see yourself here, the first thing to do is confess this sin to God. Take the time to read and meditate on the verses in this article. You must repent of this sin as a lust of the flesh. Ask God to control you by the Spirit at the point of impact when you are tempted to be involved in something you should not be involved in and to say things you should not say or hear things you should not hear.
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Ultimately every believer must be controlled by the Holy Spirit, Galatians 5:16, 25-26, This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. Folks, don't be deceived in this matter. Spiritual discernment and spiritual maturity are required!
Some items for this article come from Way of Life ministries.
Dr. Terry L. Coomer is the Pastor of Hope Baptist Church, the Director of For the Love of the Family Ministries, and the Hope Biblical Counseling Center. He has also served as the Publisher of the nation's fastest growing daily newspaper. Pastor Coomer holds Family Conferences in the local church. To have a meeting at your church or other needs he may be contacted at (501)983-4403, . There are many helpful articles and material on our web site to help you change your life at . We serve the God of answers. If you need help finding those answers you may contact us at .